The Bloodcross Key: Arc 2: Reversals
by Lady Tempest
Summary: (yaoi)(SeiferSquall) Aftermath of Shattered Knight. Seifer tries to cope with the trauma of his 'punishment' for his actions during the war. Squall tries to cope with a shattered Seifer. Warning: Very dark and disturbing content.Complete
1. Reversals Part 1

Untitled Document

> > _**Author's notes: **This is a continuation of the storyline started in The Bloodcross Key: Shattered Knight, and the second in a planned story-arc of three. As you can see the simple premise has grown into a far larger saga. I have made a sincere effort to explore the ramifications of the events of Shattered Knight and their effect on the characters involved. Reversals deals with the latter, while the third Arc will focus on the external effects.___
>> 
>> _That said, Reversals is far, far darker than Shattered Knight and contains scenes some may find very disturbing, beyond even those of the First Arc.___
>> 
>> _Also, I still take a very serious outlook on characterization, and Reversals has been a real challenge in keeping the characters in-character while transforming them to the effects of the events in Shattered Knight. All changes to their character have been made with how I think they would react in mind. I hope I have been successful and believeable.___
>> 
>> _**Disclaimer:** Square owns FF8 and it's characters. I do not and am only using them for my entertainment and the only profit I gain from it is hopefully having entertained others.___
>> 
>> _**Warnings:** Dark and disturbing content (Please take this warning seriously, to reveal it's exact nature will spoiler the story.), extreme angst, foul language, graphic violence, implied non-consensual sexual situations, shounen ai (male/male) with some sexual themes.___
>> 
>> _Comments and criticism are welcomed._
>> 
>> The Bloodcross Key ~ Arc 2 : Reversals   
**__**By Lady Tempest **__**
>> 
>> ***** Part 1:
>> 
>> The glow from the computer screen tinted Squall's already pale face to a ghastly shade of blue-green. His eyes narrowed at the scrolling text, his trembling lips a blue-pink line of tension. Suddenly, he slammed his hand on his computer's keyboard, and leaned forward, his expression darkening as his skinned paled even more.
>> 
>> "Oh, Seifer," he muttered, his eyes swelling with glints of reflected light from the monitor. He blinked and a sparkle of blue-silver trailed down his cheek..
>> 
>> How had the blond endured so much? Over three hundred, mostly men. One press of a key and he scrolled to the top of the account list. Over three hundred men for almost the full three weeks he had been missing.
>> 
>> Squall jabbed the power switch, dousing the room into only faint silver light, the moon shining through the large window of Cid's office. Snatching the disk Fujin had recovered during Seifer's rescue from the diskdrive, with a shaking hand, he stuffed it in an inner pocket of his black leather jacket. He couldn't take pouring over the data any more, not tonight. It was all to much, too overwhelming, to discover what Seifer had been through.
>> 
>> Some of the accounts detailed requests the `_clients'_ had and reading only several of those had been enough to rush him to the bathroom earlier and empty his sparse lunch into the toilet. He had lost track of how much time passed before he had been able to even think about looking at more of the files. Part of him wished he hadn't managed to return to the leather chair and the horrible truth of Seifer's imprisonment. But he owed it to Seifer to find everyone who had harmed him and to make them pay for further shattering an already guilt-shattered young man.
>> 
>> He stalked from his, Cid's, office to the elevator. If only he had found Seifer sooner. If only he hadn't been so paralyzed with fear of losing someone he hadn't realized he could no longer bear to lose, maybe he could have saved Seifer some of the agony and humiliation. Maybe he could have saved Seifer from any of it. Instead, his former rival lay in the infirmary, still unconscious under Sleep, with wounds it made him sick just thinking about.
>> 
>> Doctor Kadowaki had repeatedly informed him there was nothing he could do for Seifer until he was recovered enough to be wakened, and it wasn't necessary for Squall to visit until then. Yet he had to be at Seifer's side, to be a familiar presence. To let Seifer know he was finally safe. No matter what Kadowaki said, Seifer needed him. If nothing else, to calm his nightmares, so the blond could actually rest. And, Squall realized, he needed it too.
>> 
>> *******
>> 
>> Squall awoke with a start. His head jolted from it's nest of his arms and the edge of Seifer's infirmary bed, jerking from under the strong hand lightly touching his shoulder. He collapsed into his chair, sleep-tousled auburn hair dangling in his eyes. Heart pounding so fast it almost hurt, he gulped several breaths and lifted wide blue eyes to the bulky shadow looming over him.
>> 
>> Raijin. He should have known. What, did the guy have something against letting Squall get any sleep?
>> 
>> "Uh, sorry, man," Raijin said meekly. "I didn't mean to scare ya."
>> 
>> Squall sighed, mostly to gather a little more air to calm himself, but no one needed to know that. "...whatever."
>> 
>> Raijin chuckled, a deep, but faintly forced sound. As their eyes met, Squall also noticed the humor didn't reach there either. Both their gazes wandered to the bed and the sleeping blond. A wrinkle spread across Seifer's brow as he moaned, his arms twitching.
>> 
>> Squall grasped his hand. "Seifer, it's okay now. You're home. With your... friends."
>> 
>> Seifer calmed, his features relaxing. Slender fingers brushed aside sweat damp golden hair from Seifer's pale face, the face of a handsome prince from the stories Seifer liked so much. Squall looked up to the other side of Seifer`s bed, catching a tear-bright scarlet eye before Fujin had time to not only pull her hand away but shutter her emotions behind silver lashes.
>> 
>> "Okay?" she asked with her same stilted speech pattern but at the level of a whisper.
>> 
>> It was hard on all of them. Perhaps for Fujin the most, seeing the young man she admired so much for his strength and confidence, for just the presence that radiated from him like the sun, laying, unconscious, battered and broken in more ways then they probably would ever know. Or would ever want to know. Sometimes the truth is best kept hidden. How would Seifer feel knowing what they had uncovered, little though it was? He was proud and strong. It had to devastate him to be used as he had been. Would he even be the same hurting young man from before? Or, as Squall had seen in Seifer's prison, would the blond be broken beyond repair? So shattered nothing would return the light to his eyes or the smirk to his beautiful lips?
>> 
>> "Squall?"
>> 
>> He blinked, something soft and wet spattering his hand.
>> 
>> "Squall, _you_ okay?" Fujin said quietly.
>> 
>> Of course he was okay. He wasn't unconscious in an infirmary bed healing from injuries so numerous and horrible it made one sick. He hadn't been raped and abused and brutalized for a few thousand gil an hour, by three-hundred and forty-two people, and a monster or _ten_, just for kicks and an extra fee, over eighteen days, for nineteen hours a day, give or take, mostly give, five hours. He hadn't been whipped, and kicked, and chained, and burned, and...
>> 
>> Squall choked, and buried his face in his hand, his other tightening on Seifer's, as if to reassure him the blond was still there. How could any of what those bastards had done to Seifer be remotely justified by what Seifer had done during the war? Even if Seifer had been of his own mind, it was a punishment no one deserved, except those bastards that did it!
>> 
>> A strong, warm hand rested on his shoulder and another on his and Seifer's. Nothing needed to be said. It was so nice not being forced to say what he felt, to just be. No demands. No words. Just be...
>> 
>> "I'm okay," he finally said, raising his head to meet a concerned scarlet eye. Fujin nodded.
>> 
>> "Seifer?"
>> 
>> He took a deep breath. "Doctor Kadowaki said he'll be fine. He needs time to heal. I guess his body is so worn out Cures will only work so far. He needs to rest so they have energy to draw from to heal." He shrugged. "At least that's more or less how she explained it." He paused, squeezing Seifer's hand. They had to be prepared for the Seifer he had seen in that terrible room. But he couldn't tell them. If he were an optimist like Zell or Selphie, he could hope it wouldn't be necessary, that Seifer would be Seifer when he woke up. However, optimism was as much a part of his nature as being the life of the party. No matter how much you wish something were one way, it always was the worst way instead. Easier to ignore it altogether, and block the pain of disappointment before it can occur. But then, ignoring had only made the problem worse.
>> 
>> "I didn't tell her what happened to him. Though she has an idea from his injuries. She said physically he'll be okay in a few days, but emotionally, mentally, there was no way to know." He glanced between Seifer's two friends, his 'posse', then darted his glimmering blue eyes to his and Seifer's hands. " With the nightmares he's having even under such a deep sleep..."
>> 
>> He couldn't continue. Seifer's dead blue eyes haunted him, and the once proud face broken to defeat, a whimpering voice begging to be left in the very place destroying him because he believed he deserved it, had some debt to pay to people who probably only knew there had been a war because their servants whispered about it in the halls of their huge homes or overheard their chauffeur griping about the rising cost of fuel for their limo.
>> 
>> "He'll be okay," Fujin whispered. "He's Seifer Alamsy. And no one defeats Seifer. No one."
>> 
>> It was a good thing Fujin hadn't seen those files. Well, he figured she hadn't. He doubted she could remain is such control if she had. Probably would be out taking on armies if necessary to get to those on the list and exact some revenge. But there would be time for that. Now, Seifer needed them, needed him. Squall sighed.
>> 
>> "Hey, Squall. Go get some sleep. You look like you need it, ya know," Raijin said as he gently squeezed Squall's shoulder.
>> 
>> Sleep? First the big guy constantly interrupts his sleep, then he wants him to get some? Can't he make up his mind? But Squall was tired. He started to pull his chair closer to Seifer's bed.
>> 
>> "No. Not here. You need real rest, ya know, without some bum like me wandering in an waking you up."
>> 
>> But, he couldn't leave Seifer. He already had been away too long today drowning under his duties as acting headmaster and examining the files Fujin had given him. He opened his mouth to protest.
>> 
>> But Raijin interrupted, "We'll stay with him. Just get some damn sleep. You won't be any use to anyone, ya know." He crossed his muscular arms defiantly, as if `no' would never be accepted as an answer. Stubborn bastard.
>> 
>> Squall finally nodded. "Let me know if anything happens," he said as he rose from the chair. His entire body ached, like he had slept in an uncomfortable chair for several hours. He hated it when other people were right.
>> 
>> "Sure thing," Raijin replied, patting him on the shoulder.
>> 
>> Grunting, Squall shuffled out of the infirmary, taking a final backward glance at Seifer. The moonlight through the high, paneled windows and the soft, artificial glow of the infirmary lights mingled on the sleeping young man, casting unnaturally onto his pale skin and pale hair. He was beautiful, even with the fading bruises on his face. A storybook prince, or knight, or an angel, waiting to be wakened by true-love`s kiss...
>> 
>> Squall clenched his teeth, his storm blue eyes narrowing. He had to stop such ridiculous ideas. He wanted to be Seifer's friend, nothing more. And Seifer probably wanted the same. Thinking about another guy, about Seifer, like he would Rinoa was absurd. Yet, it wasn't at all like he thought about her. He never felt for her what he felt for Seifer. Nor had he felt anything so deeply for her, friendship or otherwise. He rubbed his temples, trying to ease away the tight ache behind his eyes and with a scowl, he turned on his heel and left.   

>> 
>> End Part 1   
(tbc)   
~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Reversals Part 2

Untitled Document

> > >   
**__**The Bloodcross Key Arc 2: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest   
__ __
>>> 
>>> *******Part 2:
>>> 
>>> Lightning lanced through the thick, dark clouds, flashing the rocky clearing a bright silver-white and glinting off two clashing blades. The clang of metal quickly became drowned by a loud boom of thunder, but the two combatants continued their battle, too focused on the pulsing of blood and adrenaline through their constantly moving bodies.
>>> 
>>> Rain pelted down on them, wet and cold, bringing a primal scent of earth and wet skin. Squall's eyes, dusky and gray like the storm above, narrowed as he tried to see through his rain drenched hair. Seifer smirked.
>>> 
>>> "You know, maybe if you didn't try to look so much like a girl, you wouldn't be having such problems," Seifer chuckled as he sprung forward, using the opening Squall unintentionally had given.
>>> 
>>> Bastard! The arrogant jerk found it amusing; Always found some angle, some weakness, to exploit and pressed it, no matter how underhanded the method. Hell if he'd let him! Squall stumbled back, just in time to avoid the edge of Seifer's gunblade. With an awkward twist, his feet nearly slipping on the wet, rocky ground, he swung his own blade upward, slicing the air with a whoosh where flickering pale gray and shadows had been moments before. Damn, Seifer was fast.
>>> 
>>> "Nice. I almost had you too, Leonhart." The blond stood several yards away, hand resting arrogantly on his hip, the ever-present smirk on his sensual lips. Though his gunblade hung towards the ground with relaxed indifference, Squall knew better than to assume its owner was anything but poised to strike in an instant.
>>> 
>>> Seifer slowly stalked towards him, pale gray trenchcoat whipping around long, lean legs. He was grace in motion, as charged and intense as the lightning crackling the sky behind him. Golden hair flashed to silver, and a glowing blue-white outline gave the handsome young man an ethereal quality only heightened by the long lines of his body and his regal beauty.
>>> 
>>> The rain trailed down Squall's face, cooling his flushed cheeks. The cool air in front of him misted with his panted breaths, and not all were from the exertion from their duel. Damn Seifer and his distractions. He ran a gloved hand through his wet hair, slicking it from dangling in his eyes. No way would he allow Seifer to beat him just because the blond was too gorgeous wet and storm-lit for Squall's concentration. With a deep breath, he took a step backwards, his gunblade flickering silver and ready for whichever maneuver Seifer tried next.
>>> 
>>> Seifer was a sly bastard, regardless of how much an angel he looked, and Squall needed all his wits about him. But under the sparkling blue-green gaze striding towards him Squall found himself trembling from more than the cold. And it certainly was _not_ from fear. Oh, no, not fear at all. Something unfamiliar yet, instinctive, natural, like breathing; Though when he gasped, he realized he had forgotten to for a few moments.
>>> 
>>> Squall shook himself He had to stay alert or Seifer would take the advantage. He wouldn't let his rival defeat him. Couldn't. Just as Seifer would never be defeated. It was all part of their dance. Almost like a ma-...
>>> 
>>> In a blink, Seifer was against him, slamming him into a wall. His breath flew out of him from the impact, as well as surprise. Their eyes met and Seifer's pink, enticing lips twisted into a smirk.
>>> 
>>> "I'm disappointed. You're slipping, Leonhart. Must be all the fancy food and sissy activities Rinoa forces you into," the blond mocked with amusement in his deep voice.
>>> 
>>> However, Squall was beyond caring what Seifer actually said. He had already found himself melting under the press of Seifer's warm body against his, Seifer's warm, sweet breath brushing against his skin like a caress. But that voice; It was Seifer's deep, sultry voice that finished him, so close that the heat of Seifer's lips and breath embraced his ear.
>>> 
>>> "So, Lionheart..."
>>> 
>>> Each syllable sent shivers hurtling through him. It was all he could do to not moan. Fingertips traced along his throat, searing his burning skin. His eyes captive to the aqua drowning him, Squall arched into the roaming hand, so strong and gentle, as, skin to rain-slick skin, it traveled down the hollow of his collar-bone, his chest, to a long hard nipple. Like the lightning ripping the sky, electricity crackled through his entire being, drawn, unresisting and trembling, to the force of nature that was Seifer's touch. He licked his lips, mouth dry, but it did nothing to quench the thirst consuming him.
>>> 
>>> "...does the lion purr?" Seifer himself purred into his ear. Not allowing for a reply, though Squall couldn't have spoken if he had, Seifer seized his lips in a world-warping kiss.
>>> 
>>> "Squall."
>>> 
>>> No. No talking, just the kiss. Only the kiss. His hands grabbed the collar of Seifer's coat, holding the blond tighter against him, ensuring he couldn't pull away.
>>> 
>>> "Squall."
>>> 
>>> How could Seifer want to talk at a time like this? How could he even manage to speak? Squall's own ability had left him long ago.
>>> 
>>> "I love you," Seifer whispered against his lips, the delicate movement of Seifer's soft, sweet lips, forming the words, a kiss, in itself. Like tears and rain falling down his cheeks, Squall melted completely in Seifer's strong arms.
>>> 
>>> "Squall."
>>> 
>>> Well, if Seifer had more words as beautiful as his last, maybe he wouldn't mind so much. He smiled slightly and deepened their kiss. But...
>>> 
>>> "Squall!"
>>> 
>>> ...Wait a minute. That wasn't Seifer's voice. It wasn't deep enough, or smooth enough, or...
>>> 
>>> Shit!
>>> 
>>> ******
>>> 
>>> "Squall!"
>>> 
>>> Squall shot awake, his sleep-hazed eyes wildly darting around him until they fell on an all too familiar face: Rinoa! Damn, why did everyone insist on not letting him get some damn sleep! He sighed and flopped back onto his pillow. The dream lingered with him, a fading part of his reality. Damn. Damn. Damn! Just when things had been getting interesting too!
>>> 
>>> "Squall?"
>>> 
>>> Oh, yeah, Rinoa. He covered his eyes with his arm, taking another deep breath. He still felt Seifer's fingers on his skin, searing him with tingles of a pleasure he had never really known, Seifer's soft, wonderful lips devouring his in a heated metaphor of their duels. A duel where neither lost and both gained more than Squall could ever dream. Well, maybe not. Since it _was_ all a dream. And his.
>>> 
>>> "Dreaming of me, sweetie?" Rinoa teased with a giggle.
>>> 
>>> Huh? Why the hell would he be dreaming of her? Squall peeked from under his arm to Rinoa's smiling, blushed face. Damn. Who else would she expect him to dream about? Who else _should_ he be dreaming about? She was his girlfriend. And ... and Seifer... He...
>>> 
>>> He was... what? Seifer wasn't really his rival anymore; He certainly wasn't his enemy, even during the war they weren't true enemies since it wasn't exactly Seifer they had fought; A friend? Well, maybe, given time. Maybe, in a way, they already were, just he had never accepted it openly; Absolutely, fucking incredible? Most definitely! Even just a dream, it, Seifer, had felt so real there was no question.
>>> 
>>> Squall stifled a groan. Rinoa wouldn't understand the truth. Hell, he didn't understand it and it was _his_ damn dream. But why the hell would he dream like _that _about Seifer? He didn't dream of Rinoa that way. Not ever, that he could remember. Anyway, he didn't dream that often in general. Why all of the sudden these dreams about Seifer? And what would cause him to suddenly have a dream so... so.... arousing?
>>> 
>>> "Who else would I dream about?" he finally muttered, forcing a sleepy smile.
>>> 
>>> She giggled. "Sometimes you say the sweetest things." She sat on the edge of his bed, still smiling. "So what was it about?" Her smile tilted into a what he supposed she thought was sultry. He'd seen it on her before, when she was being particularly...affectionate. Whatever.
>>> 
>>> Her soft hand trailed lightly over his bare chest, her seductive look becoming too blatant to just ignore. Nothing like Seifer`s gaze though, piercing aqua eyes, like living, laughing gems. And his touch! His was fire and electricity, melting him to the core. At just the memory, the heat of the dream scorched through him, warming places he had been too sleepy to realize were already embarrassingly _warm._
>>> 
>>> "Well?"
>>> 
>>> Huh? She was still there? Shit! And she wanted to know something. "'Well' what?"
>>> 
>>> She tilted her head and looked at him with mock exasperation. "The dream. What happened in your dream?"
>>> 
>>> Like he would, could, tell her! She had to be kidding. Even if it had been really about her, since when would he ever talk about it? To her, or to anyone. But that was part of the problem, wasn't it? It didn't matter to her if he wanted some things kept to himself. Like dreams, or thoughts, or feelings, or... whatever. None of it mattered, because she _had_ to know.
>>> 
>>> "It's not important," he grumbled.
>>> 
>>> "Oh, come on, Squall," she grinned. "I'm just trying to have a little fun. You're so cute when you're embarrassed."
>>> 
>>> Dammit! He wasn't cute! And he wasn't embarrassed! Aroused, yes. Annoyed at having his sleep interrupted yet _again_, yes. Frustrated at having his _dream_ interrupted, hell yes! Confused about it all, beyond hell yes! No, in no way was he embarrassed. But he did need to make sure she didn't discover his... condition. He had no desire to deal with misinterpretations right now. And definitely no desire to deal with her thinking he wanted to... to...
>>> 
>>> At the blush pinking his cheeks, Rinoa laughed triumphantly. "See, you're so adorable!"
>>> 
>>> Adorable his ass! "Whatever." Great, she's smug. Part of him almost wanted to tell her just to wipe the grin of her face. He sighed. She was his girlfriend, so he should let her enjoy the things that made her smile, even, sometimes, when it was at his expense.
>>> 
>>> "So, why are you here, waking me up at..." he glanced over at his clock through the dark fall of his disheveled hair. Red numbers glowed: eight-sixteen. Damn, that late already? Raijin was right; He had needed to sleep. Well, he didn't have to admit he had realized it wasn't all that early after all. "... at eight in the morning? I had a long night," he said flatly.
>>> 
>>> Rinoa shifted on the bed, rubbing his bare shoulder. "Oh?.." she started to ask, her voice mingled with concern and curiosity.
>>> 
>>> "Work," Squall replied, waving his hand dismissively as he sat up, trying to hide his thankfully dwindling arousal.
>>> 
>>> She nodded as if understanding, though a faint sigh passed her full lips. Work had been, was, one of their more recent difficulties. He worked hard with the new responsibilities filling in for Cid brought, and she thought he worked too hard and didn't spend enough time with her.
>>> 
>>> Perhaps she was right, but Cid would only be gone for one more week. They would have all the time she could want after then. And he did try to make some time for her, even when he didn't want to: going to dinner in Deling City at the fanciest restaurants, and the theater, and hell, he even let her drag him to a petting zoo. Anything she wanted to do. Though what he wanted to do wasn't ever a real option, not really. She always managed to somehow sneak her way into it. Not that it mattered, it was what a boyfriend was supposed to do. Right? And it made it easier to counter her not so subtle, though she seemed to think they were, advances to being more `intimate'.
>>> 
>>> Maybe not yet wanting sex with his girlfriend made him a freak. He _was_ a guy, and guys were supposed to be begging for sex from their girlfriends. But he felt strange when she would try to go further than kissing. Hell, kissing even felt strange, but she was his girlfriend, so he made himself want it. Sex, he could hold off by saying he wanted to wait until he was married. Nice enough sentiment, at least she seemed to think so. Thought it was sweet and charming and all that sugary crap. However, he didn't really know why he wanted to wait. He would believe it was for love, if it wasn't for the fact that she loved him. So, if she loved him, he should love her and everything would be perfect. Right? It's not like anyone else ever loved him, or probably ever would.
>>> 
>>> But, Seifer loved him. Or supposedly did. He still didn't understand how that was possible, no less in what manner. It had to be as friends, as sort of brothers. They did grow up together. He couldn't remember a time when Seifer wasn't in his life. His eyes tightened and began to sting. Okay, he could remember a time and it was the most horrible time in his life! Worse than losing Sis. Worse than not being adopted. Worse than fighting Edea, and Adel, and Ultimecia. Somehow even worse than fighting _him_.
>>> 
>>> "...So, I was thinking we could go on a picnic by the beach and then go to the theater later tonight."
>>> 
>>> Damn. Had Rinoa been talking? Shit. Hopefully it wasn't anything important. He mentally smacked himself. Of course, it wasn't important. It's _Rinoa_ talking. Oh, he probably should say something. At least to let her know he couldn't today. Not while Seifer...
>>> 
>>> "Sorry, Rinoa. I have too much to do today. It will have to be some other time."
>>> 
>>> Her lips puffed into a pout. "Squall, it's Saturday. Even acting headmasters should get at least one day off."
>>> 
>>> "Well, this acting headmaster can't afford to. There are recent extra responsibilities that I need to take care of." Squall rubbed his temples, hiding the pain and welling tears thinking about exactly what those `responsibilities' were and why.
>>> 
>>> Rinoa laid a hand on his knee in an attempt to comfort him. "Oh. Does it have to do with Seifer going missing?"
>>> 
>>> Squall merely nodded. It was through her that they even found him, so she deserved a portion of the truth. Thankfully, she had no clue what the card she had found meant. So that much could still be kept secret, for Seifer's sake.
>>> 
>>> "How is he doing?" she whispered, sounding genuinely concerned. "I heard he's in the infirmary, but that's all."
>>> 
>>> "He's getting better." He didn't want to say much more. The fewer details the less chance of Seifer suffering further humiliation. Besides, the rest wasn't any of her business, even if she had dated him and actually cared.
>>> 
>>> "What happened?"
>>> 
>>> "Only he knows for sure." Squall shrugged. True enough, though those files... He bit his lip, the quick pain not enough to distract from the deeper. "You'll have to ask him, but I don't think it's such a good idea."
>>> 
>>> "Why?" Her dark brows wrinkled.
>>> 
>>> He shrugged again. "I just don't."
>>> 
>>> "But..."
>>> 
>>> Would she ever quit. Just drop it! "Just don't. It might be a pride thing and you know how Seifer is."
>>> 
>>> That seemed to almost satisfy her. Almost. He could tell she was dying to know. "Oh." she said finally. "Yeah, I see. I guess I'll just see if he wants to say something about it, but I won't ask. I'll leave it to him to offer."
>>> 
>>> Good. Guess she wasn't as stubborn as he thought. Or as insensitive. But who was he to judge someone's insensitivity? Besides an expert in being it. He grasped her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thanks," he said softly.
>>> 
>>> Rinoa looked at him with a curious expression, but smiled.
>>> 
>>> A few moments passed with her enjoying the closeness, he assumed by the contentment on her face. He wouldn`t rob her of it, especially since he had to work today, and take care of Seifer. No matter how much he just wanted to be alone, go back to sleep, or go back to Seifer, or both. She was his girlfriend. So he owed it to her.   

>>> 
>>> *********   
(End part 2)
>>> 
>>> **Author's notes**: I really can't stand Rinoa or writing her, but I do try to be fair to the character as much as I can. I would rather damn a character through a legitimate portrayal than bastardize them. Yet, I am aware that my dislike will color my perspective. I do hope that my rendering of Rinoa is seen as believeable.


	3. Reversals Part 3

Untitled Document

> > >   
**__**The Bloodcross Key Arc 2: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest__
>>> 
>>> ********* Part 3:
>>> 
>>> Surrounded by blackness, eyes were watching him, piercing his soul. Golden eyes he knew too well. Horrible eyes which were a constant reminder of his weakness, his failure; Of a dream twisted and defiled in his a passion to make it reality; a dream used to twist and defile _him _into someone even he didn't recognize; Someone who destroyed his other dream, or very nearly; a dream he dared not speak or hope or pursue, but a dream he held closest to his heart.
>>> 
>>> The eyes were vicious and accusing, demanding a devotion he could never give. And she knew. So she tormented him, testing his loyalty and her control. And he always failed. But in his failure she still won, a fact that had amused her enough to keep him alive. What better punishment for rebellion and disloyalty than for him to suffer with the knowledge that regardless of his heart, it's desire would hate him. Would want him dead. Or worse yet, would believe _he_ hated in return.
>>> 
>>> But the yellow eyes dimmed. He had thought he would be haunted by them forever. Had thought the pain and guilt they drowned him in could never deepen. He was wrong. Soul-searingly wrong.
>>> 
>>> Hundreds of eyes were watching him, piercing his soul. Eyes of innumerable colors he also knew too well. Wretched, lust and hate-filled eyes which were a constant reminder of his weakness, his failure, his guilt; Of a new dream, to make amends for the crimes of the old, used and twisted to defile him; Used to destroy all that had remained of his soul, his most treasured dream.
>>> 
>>> But the eyes continued to violate him, followed by hundreds of groping, grasping hands on his naked flesh. Filthy slithering hands. Filthy like his soul. Fondling and pulling and clawing and hurting. He would scream, but the laughter would drown him. He would struggle, but he knew he deserved it. He would weep, but the tears no longer came.
>>> 
>>> Then the blackness dimmed, though the eyes remained. Black faded to gray, faded to white, then bloomed with vibrant red; Red like the blood shed in the name of a dream; Red like the cross that punished him.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer?"
>>> 
>>> "Can you hear me, Mr. Almasy?
>>> 
>>> Seifer groaned. The image faded, melting into the bright red assaulting his eyes. He blinked, his lashes fluttering against the even brighter haze-white flickering his vision. A warm hand grasped his wrist, holding it for several uncertain breaths, then rested it gently on something soft and cool. Where was he? His prison had never smelled so clean and medicinal. Nor did its light have the warm tinge of the sun, though the strange unnatural white was very similar.
>>> 
>>> He tried to open his eyes completely and sit up, but his body found the combination too complex and he only managed to turn his head. A pillar of white met his slitted gaze, then the pillar moved.
>>> 
>>> "How are you feeling?" A quite, familiar voice asked in a practiced tone.   
  
How was he feeling? Like a T-Rexaur's favorite kick-toy. He shielded his eyes with his wobbly arm and tried to focus. Something felt familiar, but he couldn't place it.
>>> 
>>> "It`s alright," the voice spoke again. "If you're not ready to talk, don't push it. You've been unconscious for several days and your body's going to need time to adjust."
>>> 
>>> A hand patted his, then was gone.
>>> 
>>> "Here. Try to drink." His head was gently lifted and a straw placed against his lips. "It's just water, but drink slowly."
>>> 
>>> As he silently obeyed, drawing a sip of water into his dry, itchy throat, flashes of memory bombarded his mind. Flashes of other things placed against his lips. Of foul flesh, blood, filth, cold metal, sharp-edged blades, of things so much more repulsive. He choked, falling into a fit of dry heaves and violent trembling.
>>> 
>>> Hands shoved him onto his side, patting his back in soothing circles.
>>> 
>>> "Now, now. Calm down. It`s okay. Just take deep, slow breaths and you`ll be okay."
>>> 
>>> His fingers curled in the cool sheet pooled around him as he gasped for air, trying to bring the spasms under control. As his stomach continued to painfully lurch, he clenched his eyes tightly until blue-white sparkles burst over the images playing endlessly in his mind. His face ached, as did his entire body, but in a more immediate intensity that strangely managed to calm him.
>>> 
>>> "W...wh...ere...?" he croaked in a raspy whisper, his body still trembling. Let it be anywhere but that room. Anywhere!
>>> 
>>> "Shhh. Wait until we've gotten some more liquids in you before you talk." The hands on his back shifted to his shoulder and helped ease him back against something soft. "You're in the infirmary."
>>> 
>>> Infirmary? They had never taken him there before. Didn't know they had one. Always just sent that girl in to heal him when he collapsed. She was nice, even if a bit cold. But cold was nice. Better than cruel.
>>> 
>>> "Squall brought you here three days ago. Do you remember?"
>>> 
>>> Squall? Seifer clutched his head, fingers threading through his short hair. Squall? Remember? What was there to remember, other than...
>>> 
>>> He slowly opened his eyes, the white light not as glaring as before. A white sheet draped across his legs in wrinkling peaks and valleys around him, flowing into smoothness at the foot of a bed. A familiar bed. His gaze darted to the side to where the voice seemed to come. More white, but also familiar as the details sharpened. A lab coat. Doctor Kadowaki?
>>> 
>>> Could he dare hope? His eyes stung with tears which couldn't form, an ache in his throat rising into a soft whimper. Garden! Home. He was home!
>>> 
>>> His mind slowly wound itself around a faint memory buried under the clinging foul muck of his life. Squall. Beautiful Squall, dark and shining, with an angel's pale face. He had been there, in Seifer`s hell, his prison. And... and he..
>>> 
>>> ~_"If you don't shut up and get your ass out of here, I will drag you out of here myself!"_
>>> 
>>> Squall, why? Why?   

>>> 
>>> ******
>>> 
>>> Squall paced, the squeak of leather in counter-rhythm to the patter of his boots across the white tiled floor. Three-hundred and ten and three-quarters. The tile in the far corner looked to have a piece cut from it for the pipe running up the wall. Damn, he was tired of waiting. What was Kadowaki doing, performing brain-surgery? Turn.
>>> 
>>> He sighed. Too bad Raijin, and Fujin, weren't there. At least then, he would have someone to talk to. Well, in principle. Hell, he was nervous enough, and bored enough, to actually talk, if someone had been with him. Turn.
>>> 
>>> Nervous? What did he have to be nervous about? Seifer was safe, and the Doc said physically he would be fine, once he finished getting his strength back. But that was it: `physically'. What about the rest? Would Seifer be Seifer? Like in his dreams? Turn.
>>> 
>>> He groaned. His dreams. The dreams he continued to have every night since they brought Seifer home. How much of _that _Seifer did he hope for? How much of that Seifer _should_ he hope for? After all Seifer had been through, was it right to want him that way? Wouldn't he be as terrible as those who hurt the already shattered blond? Wouldn't he being taking advantage? Turn.
>>> 
>>> And more confusing, why the hell was he thinking about Seifer that way at all, or at least dreaming about him? Though, he had to admit the dreams effects lingered after he woke, and it concerned him. He should have been thinking about Rinoa, his girlfriend, not Seifer. But, he had realized after the second dream, it wasn't actually sexual. It was beyond that, entering into something, somewhere more vital, somewhere deeper. Pause. Turn.
>>> 
>>> He wanted to just ignore it, like he did everything that troubled him, that upset stability and control. However, the thought of ignoring it upset his control even more. He couldn't ignore Seifer again. Losing him from a distance hurt just as much, left him just as empty, as losing someone close, like Sis. Honestly, losing Seifer hurt more. Or maybe the years and Guardian Forces had managed to haze the pain of losing Sis. Whatever, it still hurt. And it tore his soul to pieces knowing what Seifer had suffered. Alone.
>>> 
>>> Squall stopped pacing. He couldn't stand waiting anymore! It had to be at least an hour, or more, he'd been pacing. Fuck it!
>>> 
>>> "To hell with this waiting shit!"
>>> 
>>> His heart thumping wildly in his ears, he stalked to the door. After quietly opening it, he peered anxiously inside; And froze.   

>>> 
>>> *********   
(end part 3)   
(tbc)   



	4. Reversals Part 4

Untitled Document

> > > ****   
**_The Bloodcross Key Arc 2: Reversals_**   
_by Lady Tempest_**__**
>>> 
>>> *****Part 4:
>>> 
>>> That which he had feared stared blankly at him from dead blue eyes; The same dead and distant blue which had horrified him in that wretched room, devastated him yet again. The Seifer before him, so pale and fragile, even against the white of the room, was unrecognizable as the one he knew and admired, the one haunting his dreams. And considering the look of death in his eyes, his face, his expression, even his coloring had its pallor, perhaps Seifer was haunting him.
>>> 
>>> He turned away his gaze, driving back the tears bombarding his control. Damn! No matter how much he tried, his intentions were always shot to hell. Squall Leonhart never hoped for anything, but standing in the doorway to Seifer's room proved hope had crept its way into him anyway. He never relied on anyone but himself, but Seifer proved that wrong as well. Seifer always managed to bring out in him what Squall didn't even know existed or wanted to. And without trying, without even being the same Seifer, he still did.
>>> 
>>> "I thought I just told you to wait outside?" Doctor Kadowaki scolded as she set a glass of water on the bedside table, a bent, white straw swaying with the jarring motion..
>>> 
>>> Yeah, well, seeing Seifer, awake, he was glad he didn't. Seifer needed someone who knew what had happened. And as well intentioned as Kadowaki might be, she wasn't it. True, he had no fucking clue how to help Seifer. Hell, he didn't know how to deal with his own problems. But he'd be damned if he wouldn't find a way! Seifer wouldn't be alone. Not anymore.
>>> 
>>> Squall's storm blue eyes stared straight and unwavering at the Doctor. "I was tired of waiting," he muttered with a shrug.
>>> 
>>> He glanced at Seifer, masking the pain eating him alive. If it were possible, the blond gazed at him with eyes even more dead and broken than before; Eyes more like cracked crystal clouded by infinite fractures than the lively gems, vibrant with passion, he had taken for granted. But then, he had taken everything about Seifer for granted.
>>> 
>>> Seifer turned away, slumping against his pillows. He was still achingly beautiful, still like a perfectly carved statue, but no longer just in the classical lines and form of male beauty. He could claim the lifelessness of cold stone and the ruin of time as well.
>>> 
>>> Doctor Kadowaki shook her head, exasperated. "Acting headmaster or not, the Infirmary is my domain. I expect to have my orders followed," she said sternly, a hand on her hip.
>>> 
>>> He did. And he was tired of it. He had a promise to keep and he was going to keep it. No matter what, he was going to keep Seifer safe. Squall merely stared at her impassively.
>>> 
>>> She sighed. "Well, since you're already here, you can make yourself useful." She picked up the glass and held it out to Squall. "Maybe you'll have better luck keeping him calm while he drinks this. You seem to handle him pretty well when he's having his nightmares."
>>> 
>>> How the hell did she know? He thought she wasn't around when he was visiting at night? Squall stepped forward, the shock on his face unhidden, and took the glass.
>>> 
>>> Wait, what did she mean about keeping him calm? Why would... He shut his eyes for a moment, as if shutting out the terrible thoughts of what had been in those files.
>>> 
>>> Walking across the small room, he stopped at the side of Seifer's bed, the one the blond was facing. Squall pulled a chair forward, wincing as it scraped loudly against the floor, and sat down.
>>> 
>>> "Hello, Seifer," he said forcing a slight smile. "How you feeling?"
>>> 
>>> A pained expression crossed Seifer's face and he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms protectively around himself.
>>> 
>>> "Doc!" Squall cried. He lurched forward to do something to help but didn't know what, his hands fluttering about in ineffective motion.
>>> 
>>> Doctor Kadowaki shooed Squall back into his chair and grasped Seifer's wrist by two fingers, then studied her watch for more heartbeats than Squall could coherently count.
>>> 
>>> She frowned, laying Seifer's arm gently on his bed.
>>> 
>>> What was wrong? Was Seifer okay? He would do anything to make Seifer okay again. "What?"
>>> 
>>> "I'll be back in a few minutes. I need to get a few things to run some tests," she murmured distractedly as she strode to the door. "But I think it's what we discussed a few days ago, I just want to be sure. You stay here and watch him while I`m gone. I won`t be long."
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded absently.
>>> 
>>> "And make sure he drinks, and slowly."
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded again, his storm blue eyes completely focused on the blond curled in the bed before him.
>>> 
>>> The door shut with a quiet click.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer?" he said softly, his hand hovering, wanting to touch Seifer's shoulder in comfort. Wanting to... hold him. But he was afraid. Afraid to frighten him, afraid to leave himself vulnerable by expressing any of his feelings, afraid of feeling, and afraid of what those feelings were, what they might mean. "Seifer, the.. umm... Doc wants you to drink this so you can get better."
>>> 
>>> Seifer opened his eyes and stared at him with blue so pale and lifeless and painfully beautiful, Squall's mind and heart collided into a flurry of confusion and conflict. He didn't know what to say, or do, or think. So he didn't. Latching onto the one thing he could handle, an order, he held the glass out to Seifer in invitation.
>>> 
>>> Seifer sighed, a sad, heartbreaking sound, and leaned forward slightly, his blond lashes lowering as his gaze fell to Squall's outstretched hand. Squall moved to sit on the edge of the bed so the blond wouldn't strain himself and raised the straw to Seifer's pink lips, dry and slightly chapped but so perfect. As he did, his fingers accidentally brushed against them, softer and more warm than even his dreams imagined, jolting him with a force so intense he nearly jerked his hand away in shock.
>>> 
>>> Their eyes met. For the space of a breath Squall swore a familiar glimmer awoke in the blue-green staring blandly at him, then it was gone. With a faint snarl, Seifer grabbed the glass and weakly slapped Squall's hand from him. Seifer's gaze darted away, resting where ever Squall wasn't, while he slowly drank.
>>> 
>>> It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. He shouldn't have cared, but he did. It should have mattered, but it didn't. Maybe they weren't friends, maybe Seifer didn't really care about him, but there was no way in hell he was going to abandon Seifer again. Irrational, and stupid, maybe, but true.   

>>> 
>>> **********
>>> 
>>> The cool water washed down his throat, moistening the dryness in an almost painful, scratchy sting which slowly eased with each careful swallow. He could feel Squall's beautiful blue eyes on him, boring into him with concealed contempt.
>>> 
>>> Any other time in his life, having Squall so near him, so close, would have brought a happiness greater than he could dream; Squall's warm body and touch, electrifying, like his eyes, focused on him, and him alone. But Seifer couldn't bear the pity and disguised disgust waiting to pierce his heart again if he dared look back. Squall had to know what had happened, to know how horrible his crimes must be to deserve such punishment.
>>> 
>>> And Squall had to know how utterly useless he was to anyone or anything. He was surprised Squall didn't laugh in his face, expose his humiliation for the world to see. Maybe, it could be one more step in his atonement, though atonement usually implied some sort of redemption. But he didn't deserve redemption, and even if he did, there was nothing left to redeem.
>>> 
>>> However, Seifer still had a debt to pay. Hopefully, Squall didn't hate him too much, so he could repay it in the only other way he knew how, becoming a SeeD. He could at least play the part, a lifetime of training had to come to some benefit. He had nothing else left but to try.
>>> 
>>> "You're welcome to stay here, uh...," Squall said quietly, suddenly breaking the silence, his voice strained. "... at Garden, as long as you like, until you feel... feel ready to go back to classes."
>>> 
>>> Why was Squall being nice? Why! Why had he `saved' him at all, as if there was anything to save? Well, it didn't matter. He couldn't screw up the chance. He owed too many people too much.
>>> 
>>> Seifer shook his head slowly. "I'm fine. I'll go back to class tomorrow."
>>> 
>>> "But..." Squall gasped, like he was surprised, and almost disappointed. Could he actually care, or was he hoping Seifer would turn him down and leave the second the Doc let him?
>>> 
>>> "It's none of your business, Leonhart," Seifer interrupted, shoving all his fears and pain into a mask so cold even he didn't recognize his own voice. "Unless I'm not welcome as a student anymore?"   
  
Squall sighed, so resigned and sad, Seifer couldn't help himself and looked up at him. The last thing he ever wanted was to hurt Squall, even if the dark, brooding angel hated him. Though he couldn't understand why Squall would be hurt. Yet, there it was anyway in Squall's storm blue eyes, shocking and painfully beautiful, like lightning. And then it was gone.
>>> 
>>> "Of course you`re welcome. I...I'll let your instructors know you'll be returning."
>>> 
>>> Seifer nodded, then turned away. He needed to be alone. No one should have to suffer being around him, least of all Squall.
>>> 
>>> The bed shifted and Seifer shivered under the warmth hovering so close he could smell, nearly taste, it. Faintly metallic and the musk of leather, with crisp underlying scent of dried leaves on the first day of fall, Squall could easily make him forget, yet made him all the more ashamed. He was a fool to even think for a fraction of a second that what Squall refused for so many years, would ever be possible. He had so little to offer before, and now he had absolutely nothing. Squall needed to get away, to leave him alone. He could never defile someone so beautiful, someone he loved as much as Squall with the wretched presence of someone like himself. He would die first.
>>> 
>>> Seifer let the empty glass fall onto his lap and wearily rubbed his temples. He needed to be alone. Alone. Where no one hurt except him. Like it should be.
>>> 
>>> "Is...is there anything you need?" A hand gently touched his knee.
>>> 
>>> Don`t! Go away. He wanted to cry, to scream. To bury himself in Squall`s arms and never let go. But he must settle for being alone. "...not really," he murmured flatly.
>>> 
>>> Squall was silent, his hand still resting on Seifer's knee. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered, his voice so tight it began to break. The hand left. "I'm... sorry."
>>> 
>>> No! Stop it! He wouldn't let Squall pity him. He wouldn't! He would do whatever it took to end his debt to those his foolishness wronged. And then... Then, if he still lived, he would end _that_ too. No sense burdening anyone with pitying and suffering his useless existence.
>>> 
>>> With a coldness which would have rivaled Squall`s of a few months ago, Seifer replied, "Are you through?"   

>>> 
>>> (end part 4)   
(tbc)   
  
  



	5. Reversals Part 5

Untitled Document

> > > The Bloodcross Key: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest
>>> 
>>> ****Part 5   

>>> 
>>> _ ~ "Are you through?" ~_
>>> 
>>> So cold, the words, lacking the passion which had always radiated from Seifer before the war. Collapsing against the wall outside the infirmary, Squall buried his face in his hands. He wanted to run and hide himself some place where he could push away the pain he never expected to feel. He'd been an idiot to think Seifer would care. After how much he had rejected Seifer over the years, he should have known undoing it wouldn't be easy. Maybe not even possible. And if how he felt now was even a fraction of the hurt Seifer had felt, then he deserved it. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
>>> 
>>> He pushed himself from the wall with a sigh. Yeah, Seifer wasn't quite himself at the moment and understandably, and painfully, so, but what if Fujin and Raijin had been wrong?   
Squall rubbed his eyes, willing the strain and sting away, at least until he reached his office. It wouldn't do to have Squall Leonheartless, acting headmaster, breaking down in the middle of Garden's halls for all to see.
>>> 
>>> Wandering down the hallway, sunlight streamed through the windows and warmed his path, but did nothing to warm his mood. As usual, he had no clue as to what to do. About Seifer. About himself. About whatever the hell was driving his feelings into a chaotic jumble he didn't understand, didn`t know if he wanted to. Hell, about anything in the mess his life had become.
>>> 
>>> All he did know, whether Seifer truly cared about him or not, _he_ cared. He could admit that much to himself. And he had cared far longer than he had realized. Losing Seifer the first time, when they thought he had been executed for trying to kill President Deling, he had begun to notice the emptiness it left within him. He had pushed it aside, locked it away, the pain too much to confront or to feel. In many ways he was a coward, at least where dealing with emotions was involved, his own and others'. Especially his own. Besides, the war had been too pressing a distraction to worry about his grief.
>>> 
>>> Coming to Garden's main hall, Squall sighed, running a hand through his unruly fall of auburn hair and entered the elevator. Somehow he always managed to find some distraction. Always avoided confronting things too painful to feel. He was good at it too, damn masterful. But masterful or not, having to repeatedly fight his breathtaking rival hadn't helped overcome any fear he had over admitting Seifer had become a part of him; a very important part, he was still discovering. Somehow they had unknowingly grown a friendship unspoken yet deep. No one else had understood. Hell, they pretty much hadn't even paid attention when he tried to tell them just a fraction of the truth. Everyone was so damned determined to get him and Rinoa together, they didn't give a shit for what he was going through, or rather, trying _not _to go through.
>>> 
>>> The elevator pinged and opened to the hall to his office. His gloved fingers clenched unconsciously into loose fists as he stepped into the corridor.
>>> 
>>> Well, it worked. He hoped they were happy. And giving in to Rinoa certainly avoided the confusion of why Seifer had done what he had done, why he had become the Sorceress' Knight. Why he had battled against them, tried to kill them, or if he were honest, what truly hurt: why Seifer had fought _him, _actually _fought, _to kill.
>>> 
>>> It had made no sense, but he hadn't allowed himself the time to feel betrayed. However, afterward, he had seen why he hadn't understood. Seifer's actions hadn't made sense because they weren't his. That bitch from the future had controlled him, forced him, like a puppet, to fight against the closest thing Seifer had to a family. And in the final battle, Squall had seen the sadness in Seifer's eyes, the defeat before his defeat and it was then he knew.
>>> 
>>> But knowing isn't enough, one has to find the courage to do something about it. He hadn't had it then. Sure, he could find within what it took to save the world, however, to risk oneself _emotionally_, that was something else entirely. But now, he must find that courage. Maybe if he hadn't let Seifer down before...
>>> 
>>> Squall dropped his head against the oak door to his office, auburn hair shadowing his eyes from the bright lights too intense for his dark mood. The cool of the wood sent an icy shiver through him that no longer gave him comfort in mirroring his icy heart. The frozen walls had long melted under the remembrance of a sun-haired boy with a shy smile, and the sun-haired man he had become with a fierce spirit and a sexy smirk.
>>> 
>>> But the spirit and the smirk were gone and he had to find a way to get them back, to get Seifer back, completely, not just in body. He had to find a way to help Seifer through all that had happened. A friend, his friend, was suffering from worse than Ultimecia had tormented him with: another type of control over the old from which Seifer apparently hadn't overcome his unnecessary guilt. If only he knew how to give Seifer back that control.
>>> 
>>> Maybe letting him find his way through becoming a SeeD would be a start. Maybe that's what his strange behavior in the infirmary had really been about, claiming control of his own fate, taking care of himself because he believed no one cared or Seifer was too afraid to risk trusting anyone other than himself. Squall could understand that, but as he had himself learned, it isn't as easy or as safe as it seemed. It was lonely. Very lonely.   

>>> 
>>> **********
>>> 
>>> His body a mass of aches, Seifer shuffled through Garden's halls towards his room, gaze on the metal tips of his boots. A faint rattle of the pills in his pants' pockets, one vial for pain and one for sleeping, broke the unusual quiet with his every step. Uncomfortable with the strange stares and hateful looks following him everywhere he turned he shoved his hands into the pockets of simple black pants Doctor Kadowaki's assistant had brought from his room. Yet, he felt no smaller, no less the object of loathing to the few students wandering the corridors. It was something he knew he had to accept, being hated, but it was still difficult.
>>> 
>>> A unexpected rumble in his stomach disrupted his solemn pace and his eyes instinctively darted around him, seeing if anyone had heard. Hungry. He was hungry, something he hadn't thought about for weeks even though he hadn't been fed all that often in his prison. The pain and depression had been so intense he just never had the freedom to notice before. With an exhausted sigh, he turned around and headed down the corridor he had just passed.
>>> 
>>> Entering the cafeteria, laughter suddenly dropped into bitter mocking as he walked silently to the dinner line. Eyes followed him. Hateful, angry eyes accused without a word. Seifer had never thought the chattering noise of so many voices could be so deathly and painfully quiet, like whispers of ghosts urging him to his doom. The few in line ahead of him stiffly edged away, preferring to bump against each other than be any closer to him. He couldn't blame them, any of them, for hating him, for being disgusted by his mere presence, so he didn't.
>>> 
>>> Once arriving at the counter, he ordered whatever meal was left, weathering the glare the old cafeteria lady stabbed at him. She dropped the food onto his tray with an irritated thump and turned away.
>>> 
>>> "I'm sorry," Seifer murmured, hoping she would hear, but knowing it wouldn't matter. Slowly, he walked away, head down, tray gripped tightly in his hands, and headed for an empty table far from anyone.
>>> 
>>> He had expected a negative reaction to his return, actually, he had expected worse than angry stares and accusing whispers. However, reality was still much harder to confront.
>>> 
>>> Sitting solemnly alone, he ate. The ham and cheese sandwich tangled dry on his tongue, like ashes. Even the lukewarm chicken-soup strangled in his throat. Regardless of his will to ignore them, the eyes still cut into him, scowling with such hate and intensity they smothered him like a thick shroud, merging with the vicious eyes continually haunting him from within. The noise echoing in the large room kept its heavy, scornful pitch, echoing the voices screaming in his mind.
>>> 
>>> _ ~"Knight! Whore! It's your punishment! It's what you deserve! You owe us! You owe us! You..."~_
>>> 
>>> Seifer buried his face in his hands, fingers clawing his scalp. Go away! Just go away!
>>> 
>>> A sudden crash and shake on his table jarred through his elbows, jolting him from his waking nightmare. He dropped his hands, and his startled gaze followed the shadow looming over him to a thin, sneering face, flanked by two other sneering faces.
>>> 
>>> "Hey, Sorceress' Knight," the tall, raven-haired student mocked. "We don't like you here."
>>> 
>>> Seifer sighed. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his blue-green eyes dropping to the floor, ashamed.
>>> 
>>> "You bet you are! Traitor! " the boy growled. A hand slammed onto his tray, jerking his attention to his smashed sandwich then the boy hovering over him.
>>> 
>>> So, it had finally begun. Seifer said nothing, just stared at the other boy, waiting for the abuse he deserved.
>>> 
>>> "Look, Jake, you got him scared," one of the other students, a redhead, laughed.
>>> 
>>> Jake chuckled, grinding his palm into Seifer`s sandwich. "Is the great Seifer Almasy, Sorceress' Knight, scared?"
>>> 
>>> Seifer clenched his fists in his lap. Seifer Almasy fears ...noth.....ing. His hands fell open in defeat, any spark of his former fire snuffed by reality. Who was he fooling? Certainly not himself. _Seifer Almasy _was weak and a coward.
>>> 
>>> "Told you. Just look at the chicken-shit!" the redhead jeered, waving his finger at Seifer and laughing.
>>> 
>>> "Well, Almasy, at least you have some sense to know when you`re outmatched," Jake smirked. We'll be watchin' you. You step outta line, we'll be on your ass so fast you're head'll spin."
>>> 
>>> "Yeah, no one crosses the _New_ Disciplinary Committee," a third boy taunted.
>>> 
>>> "Have a nice day, Sorceress' Shit!" Jake sneered then spat into Seifer's soup bowl and turned away, laughing.
>>> 
>>> Seifer stared blankly at the glob of spittle swirling in the chicken soup as the three boys sauntered away smugly. Suddenly not hungry, he feebly pushed aside his tray and rose. Not daring to risk meeting any of the mocking, loathing eyes, he left, shoulders hunched, his gaze never rising from the shoe-scuffed floor.
>>> 
>>> Yes, so it had finally begun, but it was only what he deserved.   

>>> 
>>> ******   
(End Part 5)
>>> 
>>> (tbc)


	6. Reversals Part 6

Untitled Document

> > > The Bloodcross Key ~ Arc 2: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest
>>> 
>>> ********Part 6:
>>> 
>>> "He says he's fine, but I'm not sure," Squall said quietly to the slender blonde girl sitting across from him. He dropped his head onto his hand in a weary slump.
>>> 
>>> Quistis gazed at him with a sympathetic smile. "Seifer is very stubborn. The war may have changed him, but I doubt _that's_ changed."
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed and nodded.
>>> 
>>> "And now, with his accident, he's probably like a wounded animal, extremely defensive _and_ stubborn."
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded again. Quistis had an irritating knack for being right more often than Squall liked when it came to her two former students. At least she was focused on Seifer and not him. He couldn't deal with the scrutiny at present; not that he ever did, but the last thing he needed was her studying what even he didn`t fully understand yet..
>>> 
>>> "If you could, watch out for him when he's in any of your classes." Squall sprawled into the depths of the leather chair.
>>> 
>>> "Of course," Quistis replied, her blonde brows crinkling as she watched Squall. "Can I ask you a question?"
>>> 
>>> No. He could tell by the glint of concern and curiosity in her blue eyes he didn't want to hear it. If it were about Seifer, maybe, but it wouldn't be. Unfortunately, regardless of what he said, she'd ask anyway, but then, he didn't have to answer. Glaring at her with rain blue eyes, his posture stiffened and he crossed his arms over his chest.
>>> 
>>> She glanced down at her hands on her lap, thoughtful. "Squall, although it's nice to see you concerned for someone else, especially someone like Seifer, with all he's done..." She paused, looking up at Squall, whose eyes had narrowed with warning. She could be wandering onto thin ice, very thin if she probed into either his feelings or if she insulted Seifer. The latter he wouldn't tolerate..
>>> 
>>> ".... and all he's been through, I..." Her hands fidgeted with the pink cloth of her skirt. " I just wonder at the sudden change. You've been dating Rinoa for some time and though she's been a good influence, not this drastic of one. It's like since Seifer's accident you've become a different person. ....Why?"
>>> 
>>> What did she think she knew? His behavior towards Seifer hadn't really changed. Well, not much. He only had allowed himself to admit what had been there all along. Besides, just he, Raijin, and Fujin had seen Seifer since they brought him back, so how could she have observed anything?
>>> 
>>> Squall stared directly into her blue eyes, his lips thinned and serious. "...Whatever..."
>>> 
>>> "I heard that you've spent several nights in the infirmary with him, and it's obvious you haven't been sleeping properly. I'm just worried about you, and about Seifer too," she said softly, head tilting slightly, blonde bangs swaying against her cheek, in her manner of careful scrutiny.
>>> 
>>> She wasn't going to let it drop. But he shouldn't have been surprised, she had always mothered them. Always tried to uncover what he wanted kept hidden. Squall shrugged. "Is there something wrong with me showing concern for someone I've known almost my entire life?"
>>> 
>>> "For anyone else, no. But it's not usual behavior for you."
>>> 
>>> "And how would you know what's usual for me or not?" he replied coldly. Everyone's presumptions about him were starting to piss him off.
>>> 
>>> "Well...I...."
>>> 
>>> His hands curled over the armrests of his chair with a creak of leather. "You think because you can imitate me, predict what I might say, you know anything about me? Well, you're wrong!" Squall snapped, a hint of fire igniting his usual iciness.
>>> 
>>> Quistis`s eyes widened. "I'm just trying to understand you."
>>> 
>>> "Well, you _don't _understand me. No one understands me. No one except..." He looked away, the handle of one of his desk's drawers suddenly interesting. Iron molded into graceful curves and a beautifully intricate design that appeared almost fragile. Much like Seifer.
>>> 
>>> "Except?" One of her brows lifted.
>>> 
>>> Seifer. Always it had been Seifer. "Nevermind."
>>> 
>>> "Rinoa?
>>> 
>>> Rinoa? Hell no! That girl was about as insightful as a rock. And if Quistis really believed he could _ever_ have meant Rinoa, then _she _was too. "Hell, no! Just nevermind."
>>> 
>>> "Squall..."
>>> 
>>> With a scowl, he looked back at Quistis. "It's none of your business, _Instructor_," he replied in a threatening tone. "Now back to what **_is_** your business, I just wanted you to know Seifer would be attending classes again and I am to be informed if there's any problems."
>>> 
>>> She nodded and rose stiffly. "Yes, sir. Is there anything else, _Commander _Leonhart?"
>>> 
>>> Shaking his head, he waved her away. "That's all, for now."
>>> 
>>> Another nod and she turned on her heel, stalking toward the door. The blonde paused, her hand on the door-handle. "You know," she stated quietly. "...you can't keep everything bottled inside forever. You're only going to hurt yourself more..." Turning her bowed head slightly to peer over her shoulder through the fall of honey-colored bangs, she added. "...or someone else. Maybe even the one who you say understands you. I'd hate to see that happen, to either of you."
>>> 
>>> At her last word, she left, a click the only sound breaking the descent of sudden silence in her wake. And she left a wide-eyed and bewildered Squall staring after her.
>>> 
>>> ******
>>> 
>>> Seifer staggered down the hall, his arms drawn around his body. With all the eyes watching him, he felt naked and far too vulnerable, especially after the incident in the cafeteria. He wished he had his trenchcoat to offer him some concealment, protection, from the piercing stares, eyes slithering up and down his body: despising him, judging him, touching him, violating him. Seifer shuddered. Fortunately, he wasn't far from his room, the dorms being a corridor over from the cafeteria.
>>> 
>>> Once he reached his dorm, he locked the door and shuffled towards the narrow bed. Collapsing onto the edge of the firm mattress, he pulled the vials of medication from his pockets and stared at them blankly like he didn't really see them.
>>> 
>>> Finally, snapping from his daze, he eased open the vial of pain pills and dropped one in his hand, white on the white of his shivering skin. Almost mechanically, he opened the other vial and dropped two of those with the first, deep blood red a chilling contrast to the bright white. A contrast terrible in the memories they quickened of his blood on his skin, and the pain, the humiliation, under a blood-red cross that at one time had been his hold to some sort of identity, yet had been used to shatter it. And a contrast even more terrible in the symbolic promise it tauntingly offered, a promise which, to accept, would break his own.
>>> 
>>> He shut his watery eyes, fighting the trembling seeking to overcome him. Kadowaki had said take one of each, but he needed to sleep deeper than she knew, especially after what just happened. Hate stirred hate, and stirred the horrible images in his mind to a frenzy he knew sleep would only heighten. But to not sleep was little better, then, not only his memories but himself tormented him. Better to sink into a sleep the eyes couldn't find as easily.
>>> 
>>> He popped the pills into his mouth and swallowed them dry. With a sigh, he curled onto his side, drawing the thin blanket over him in a tight, gray shroud. The vials fell from his hands onto the floor with a sharp rattle and rolled against the base of his nightstand. He wasn't sure if it was the pills acting so quickly, or his body still so exhausted, or maybe his mind, but he drifted into a graying haze of sleep moments after his face touched the coolness of his pillow.
>>> 
>>> A sudden thundering buffeted his sleep, and a distant voice he couldn't understand, vague and warm and familiar. He tugged the blanket closer around him, covering his head and hopefully the rhythmic noise. And Seifer continued to drift in the empty gray fog, dreams and the world near blissfully distant.   

>>> 
>>> *****
>>> 
>>> Squall turned from the door with a stab of unexpected disappointment. He'd hoped Seifer would have been in his room, or at least _somewhere _he could be found. Optimism wasn't something he was known for, and he wondered where it had come from, but as optimistic as it was, he had thought he would at least get the chance to _ask _Seifer to join him for dinner. Without realizing it, he had been looking forward to Seifer`s company, even though it pained him to see the blond so shattered. But Seifer was Seifer and that was all the mattered. All that ever mattered.
>>> 
>>> *****End part 6


	7. Reversals Part 7

Untitled Document

> > > **The Bloodcross Key ~ Arc 2: Reversals**   
**_by Lady Tempest_**
>>> 
>>> _*****Part 7_:
>>> 
>>> Squall sat staring vacantly at the castle in front of him. The sand that had been packed so tightly crumbled here and there along its apparent solidity, tiny clumps rolling down the walls to land haphazardly at his bare knees. His small fingers absently traced patterns in the cool sand as he watched the sun glint golden off the towers and walls he had worked so hard to build. Yet, like the light's glimmer, its strength was a fleeting thing, always needing repair no matter how diligent he was.
>>> 
>>> Another crack, and a small section of wall fell, like a glittering rain of tiny diamonds, dusting his already sandy knees. He didn't know what to do anymore, didn't know how to stop the slow ruin, and didn't know if he wanted to.
>>> 
>>> "Hi," a familiar voice said shyly.
>>> 
>>> Squall blinked and turned to the sound. A little boy, just a year older than himself stood several feet away, biting a pouting pink lip and studying him with brilliant blue eyes, pale and green-tinted like a tropical sea, yet full of life and warmth and uncertainty. The slight breeze rising from the ocean ruffled the boy's sun-gold hair, and a small, nervous hand tried to smooth wayward strands from his adorable face. So much like...
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," Squall murmured with a faint smile.
>>> 
>>> Young Seifer's eyes widened. "Sq...Squall. You...you're..." the boy stammered. Taking a wavering half-step back, the little blond stiffened, his petal pink lips trembling as he spoke. "You mad at me already?"
>>> 
>>> Squall shook his head. "Why would I be mad at you?"
>>> 
>>> Seifer shrugged. "I don't know. But you always are.... I know you don't like me, but..." He bowed his head and sighed. Tiny glints of silver fell to darkened gold in the sand.
>>> 
>>> Squall's chest hurt, like it was caught in the constricting grip of a T-Rexaur's powerful jaws. "...but, it's not true," he whispered.
>>> 
>>> "Really?" Seifer's head snapped up, quivering silver brimming his death-pale blue-green eyes. Eyes screaming with pain, and despair, and brokenness. "Why not? You should! I'm bad."
>>> 
>>> Squall wanted to wrap the small boy in his arms and hold him until the pain was chased away, and then hold him for an eternity after that. "No, you're not."
>>> 
>>> "I must be bad or why won't you ever play with me?" Another skittish back-step.
>>> 
>>> "I...I was scared," Squall admitted, his voice tight with the tears he fought.
>>> 
>>> The little blond shook his head violently. "See! I'm bad! I'm scary and everyone hates me!" Before Squall could stop him, young Seifer turned and ran, stumbling over the tufts of browning beach grasses and mounds of sand, sparkling drops of silver trailing behind him.
>>> 
>>> Squall jumped to his feet and chased after the other boy who had just disappeared over the crest of a dune. When he scrambled over it himself, Seifer was gone, without a trace. No footprints in the smooth sand or any other sign that someone had been there.
>>> 
>>> "No!" Squall screamed, falling to his knees, ignoring the scrape of sand on his skin. "Not again!"
>>> 
>>> "What's the matter, kid?" asked a strangely familiar voice, deep and smooth, like liquid velvet. "You look like you lost your best friend."
>>> 
>>> Squall glanced up at the tall form suddenly beside him, glimmering ocean blue eyes following the long legs, lean hips, and strong chest to a face obscured by the bright gold of the sun. "I think I did_,_" he sniffed, wiping a small hand across his cheek.
>>> 
>>> "You _think _you did?" The light tilted slightly. "You don't know?"
>>> 
>>> Squall shook his head. "No, I don't know if he's my best friend. He ran away."
>>> 
>>> "Oh, well we'll go find him then," the melting voice said confidently, and Squall could almost hear the comforting smile. "Where did he go?"
>>> 
>>> Squall pointed ahead of him, then suddenly, eyes wide, dropped his arm as he noticed the changed landscape. Gnarled trees, scorched, blackened sand, jagged rocks and a roiling blood-red and death-gray sky spread before him.
>>> 
>>> "Damn!" the man cursed with a gasp. "Rather vicious. You sure he went that way."
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded slowly. The land ahead frightened him, so many horrible things to hurt his already hurting friend. "I think so, there's no where else."
>>> 
>>> "Okay, let's go then." A strong, gloved hand reached out to him. "Take my hand so you won't get lost too."
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded and took the offered hand. The grip was strangely yet pleasantly gentle, and warm, so warm.
>>> 
>>> "So, why did he run away?"
>>> 
>>> "He thinks I hate him." Squall lowered his head, his small shoulders lifting with a sigh.
>>> 
>>> "Do you?"
>>> 
>>> "No." It hurt knowing the pain he had caused his blond friend. Hurt knowing Seifer thought he despised him, thought he was bad, when all along Squall actually ...
>>> 
>>> "Poor kid, wandering through that dangerous place all alone."
>>> 
>>> Biting back a sob, Squall followed the warm man down the dune. He didn't want Seifer to be all alone, or to be hurt anymore. Too distracted by overwhelming emotions, his footing slipped from loose sand and he began to fall. Strong arms enveloped him, catching him without releasing his hand.
>>> 
>>> "Well, at least you have me with you to protect you," the smooth voice said with an airy confidence, and pat him reassuringly on the head, ruffling his chestnut hair. "I'll take care of everything. And we'll find your friend and make everything better."
>>> 
>>> "You sure?"
>>> 
>>> The man chuckled. "Of course, I'm sure. Or my name isn't Seifer Almasy!"
>>> 
>>> "Seifer?" Seifer? Seifer! He found him! He found him again and just as he had been before. Squall leapt at the tall blond, flinging his arms around the broad chest and hugging him like he would never let go.
>>> 
>>> "Woah! What's the matter Squall? Some new attack technique you learned? Hate to tell ya but it's not very effective, actually it kinda tickles," Seifer teased, the smirk Squall had never thought he could miss so desperately clear in the amused voice.
>>> 
>>> "I missed you! I missed you so much! Please don't leave me anymore." Squall's arms tightened around Seifer as the blond embraced him in return with soul-soothing arms.
>>> 
>>> "Well, I'm not planning on going anywhere," Seifer whispered, nuzzling Squall's hair. Then he added with a light chuckle, "Guess my shining personality finally won you over, huh?"
>>> 
>>> "Something like that," Squall murmured and buried his head against Seifer's shoulder, so warm and strong. He could stay there forever if Seifer let him.
>>> 
>>> "About time!" Seifer smirked, his gloved hand gently lifting Squall's gaze and bent down to capture his trembling lips in a overpowering kiss.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," he breathed, melting against the taller young man.
>>> 
>>> "You know, Squall..."
>>> 
>>> "Hmm..." Seifer's lips were pure bliss, soft, moist, and gentle yet fiery and completely intoxicating.
>>> 
>>> "...You should probably get that."
>>> 
>>> "Huh?" Get what? There Seifer went again, talking instead of kissing. As much as he loved the sound of Seifer's voice, there were better times for it. Although the tickle of Seifer's wonderful lips and warm breath against his as he spoke was strangely heavenly, in its own way. Almost erotic.
>>> 
>>> "The door," Seifer chuckled. "Someone's pounding on it like they`re trying to wake the dead."
>>> 
>>> "What?... Oh, No!" Squall groaned. Damn! Damn, damn, damn! Not again! Not again...   

>>> 
>>> ******** (End Part 7) (tbc)


	8. Reversals Part 8

Untitled Document

> > > The Bloodcross Key: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest 
>>> 
>>> ****Part 8:   

>>> 
>>> Squall woke to a banging on his door. Damn! Damn! Damn! Was there some sort of plot to make sure he never got enough sleep? Or finished a dream? It better not be Rinoa on the other side of that door. He couldn't be held responsible for what he did if it was. 
>>> 
>>> "Squall!" a familiar, energetic voice yelled, a, thankfully, male voice, though he still wasn't happy about having his sleep and another of his strange dreams interrupted. But at least he wouldn't have to deal with Rinoa about it. And how the hell did that boy manage to be so lively first thing in the morning. It should be against Garden rules. Hell, against the law in general. 
>>> 
>>> With a grumble he rose from his bed and shuffled to the door, too irritable to care that he was only wearing his cotton boxers. Whoever was at the door would just have to deal with it. 
>>> 
>>> "What do you want, Zell?" he growled as he flung open the door. The wrong golden hair and wrong blue eyes, and much too short and slender to be right, met his scowl. "It better be important." 
>>> 
>>> Zell blinked. "What's the matter with you?" 
>>> 
>>> "Nothing," Squall replied flatly as he leaned rigidly against the doorframe, arms folded across his stomach. Should he bother to actually wake up completely or linger in the state of languor in which he currently existed? Knowing Zell there was probably no point in hoping to return to bed any time soon. 
>>> 
>>> "Come on. You don't fool me," Zell grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. 
>>> 
>>> "You _did_ just wake me up! What do you expect?" 
>>> 
>>> "Oh, well you just seem grumpier than usual is all." The small blond shrugged. 
>>> 
>>> Squall glared at him. 
>>> 
>>> "Geez!" Zell said, waving his hands defensively. "I take that back..._alot _grumpier than usual, Grouch. Have a nightmare or somethin'? Rinoa bitchin` you out even when you`re asleep?" 
>>> 
>>> He smirked, nothing close to the arrogance or pure sexiness of Seifer's. And unlike Seifer's, Zell's was starting to piss him off. Maybe it was the reminder of what was lost in Seifer and of the dream where, for a few brief moments, he had found it again. Not that it really mattered why. 
>>> 
>>> "Not quite." 
>>> 
>>> "Oh?" Zell's blond pale blond brow raised, stretching the dark, exotic lines of his tattoo. 
>>> 
>>> Squall shook his head. "It was just a dream," he mumbled. "It's nothing. Just stunned me a little." 
>>> 
>>> "Woah!" Zell exclaimed, hopping back a step, blue eyes wide with surprise and a twinkle of humor. "Our Great fearless leader, Squall Leonhart, scared by a nightmare? Wow!" 
>>> 
>>> "I didn`t have a damn nightmare." 
>>> 
>>> "So what sort of dream was it then? It`s not like _you`d _have a sex dream...." Zell snickered. 
>>> 
>>> Why did everyone find the idea of him having a sex-life so amusing? He may not have the insatiable drive of someone like Irvine. Okay, he didn't have much of a drive at all. But that was nothing to find funny. He didn't think it was. 
>>> 
>>> Zell`s eyes roamed over him, studying him with an amused grin, then suddenly a bright pink blush stained his cheeks. Squall followed Zell`s stunned gaze downward to the obvious bulge in his black boxers and cursed. He should have realized before even answering the door the state he tended to wake in lately, but he had been too damn distracted with getting rid of whoever dared to disturb him again. Shit! Why did these things always happen to him? It was like he wore a `harass Squall' magnet around his neck or some such thing. Or maybe in his pants, since that's what everyone seemed so preoccupied with lately. 
>>> 
>>> He just stared at Zell with his most intimidating glare. Maybe if he showed no interest in the discovery or just acted like it wasn't there, Zell would avoid saying anything. Yeah, right! Like that would happen from the boy who speaks first and thinks later. Much later, if at all. He wasn't fool enough to hold his breath in hope of that one. 
>>> 
>>> Zell clapped a hand over his mouth, his true blue eyes wide. "Oh! Oh, shit! It _was _a sex dream, wasn't it?" he croaked. "Shit!...So... uh ..." 
>>> 
>>> Squall just continued to glare at him, saying nothing. 
>>> 
>>> Zell blinked several times, his face as red as his shirt, then dropped his hand, uncovering a growing sly grin. "Uh... What did you and Rinoa do, hmm?" 
>>> 
>>> Where the hell did that come from? He`d have to figure how he managed to divert Zell from pestering him about his dreams. Whatever it was could be useful in the future. Although Rinoa wasn`t much better of a change of topic. "Huh? What are you talking about?" 
>>> 
>>> "You know. In the dream. What did you do with her?" 
>>> 
>>> Dammit! He should have known better. Why did every thing in his life have to lead to Rinoa? One would think none of his supposed friends had anything more productive to do than study his supposed love-life. But then it was them who had pushed him into it in the first place. Damn duty! 
>>> 
>>> "Nothing," Squall muttered. 
>>> 
>>> "But what sort of sex dream is it if you don't do any...thing..." Zell's eyes widened again and he peered up into Squall's bored face like he was examining some exotic creature or artifact. "Oh! It wasn't her!" he exclaimed, giggling. "So who was it, stud-boy?" 
>>> 
>>> "None of your business, chicken-wuss." Squall couldn't dampen the smirk rising to his lips. 
>>> 
>>> The grin left Zell`s cute face, replaced by shock. "Huh? What'd you call me?" 
>>> 
>>> Perhaps he had found the magical `Zell Diversion` after all. It was oddly satisfying. He could understand why Seifer seemed to enjoy teasing the small blond so much. And somehow in it he felt closer to Seifer. Strange. 
>>> 
>>> "I'm _not _a chicken-wuss!" Zell huffed, plating his hands on his hips defiantly, his canine teeth flashing like fangs. It was rather funny. Zell couldn't intimidate a rabbit. "You think you're Seifer all a sudden or someting?" 
>>> 
>>> "Or something," he smirked. 
>>> 
>>> "Hmph." the blond lifted his chin, trying to look offended and dignified. "Well if you're trying to distract me, it ain't workin'." 
>>> 
>>> "Is that so, chicken-wuss?" 
>>> 
>>> "Yeah. So, was it anyone I know?" 
>>> 
>>> Oh, well. It had been worth it while it lasted. He have to rely on his own methods to get through this. 
>>> 
>>> "Come on, Squally. You can tell me. It will be our little secret." He once more flashed his teeth, but for a friendly gesture, not an intimidating one. 
>>> 
>>> "I am _not _going to talk about this, Dincht." 
>>> 
>>> "It was! Whoo hoo!" Zell cheered, punching him playfully on the shoulder. "So who?" 
>>> 
>>> He was not having a conversation with Zell about his erotic dreams. No way! He just glared. 
>>> 
>>> "Come on, man. You can tell me." 
>>> 
>>> No way! It was bad enough the hyper blond knew figured out about them in the first place. If Zell knew _who _they were about Squall wouldn't hear the end of it. Dreams about another guy would be enough trouble to endure, but for it to be known that the guy was Seifer, Zell would probably go into hysterics. Whether in laughter or anger, he couldn't be sure. 
>>> 
>>> "Was it Quistis?.." 
>>> 
>>> Quistis? He had to be kidding. She was like a bossy older sister. And Squall doubted she would take too much offense at that. She seemed to work so hard at the image. 
>>> 
>>> Zell sighed, his blond brows wrinkling. "Selphie?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall grunted. The only girl worse than Selphie was Rinoa. Oh well, so he couldn't be too indignant about it. Yet too cheerful did make him nervous. Very nervous. 
>>> 
>>> "Xu?" 
>>> 
>>> Huh? He barely remembered she was around most of the time, how would he even think to dream about her? 
>>> 
>>> "Nina?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall looked at him strangely. Who the hell was Nina? 
>>> 
>>> "You know, the girl in the library. The one who had a crush on me." 
>>> 
>>> Shrugging, still not quite remembering Nina, Squall stared at him. 
>>> 
>>> "Ooookay, guess not." 
>>> 
>>> Zell tapped his lips for several moments as he thought. "Edea?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall rolled his eyes. 
>>> 
>>> "Ultimecia?" 
>>> 
>>> Okay, Zell was just getting weird. Very weird! But that was nothing new. Squall gazed at him like the hyper blond had grown another head. Though he doubted another one would help. It would probably be as warped as the first. 
>>> 
>>> Kicking his foot at the doorframe in frustration, Zell groaned. "Damn, who else is there? Oh! Fujin! She`s kinda cute, in a scary sort of way." 
>>> 
>>> "I'll be sure to tell her you said that." 
>>> 
>>> "That's okay. No need to bother." 
>>> 
>>> "It's not a bother," Squall replied with a ghost of a smirk. 
>>> 
>>> "Dammit, Squall! I thought you said it was someone I knew?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed. Zell would keep pestering him until Squall was officially insane. he just _knew _it! "It is." 
>>> 
>>> Zell scratched his head, his mouth quirked in agitation. "But I've gone through every girl I know and nothin'. You holding out on me?" 
>>> 
>>> "No." Hell, even Quistis knew almost when to quit. Zell probably didn't know the meaning of the word. 
>>> 
>>> "Then..." 
>>> 
>>> Everyone was always making such blatant and wrong assumptions about him. Maybe it was about time to shatter a few? Or at least let them know they were wrong, even if not telling them what was right. "I never said it was a girl." 
>>> 
>>> Zell looked like he was about to fall flat on his ass in shock. Still, his face paled then flushed a vivid red, his eyes wide blue moons in a sky of white. "Wah? You shittin' me?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall shrugged. 
>>> 
>>> "You have to be kidding!" 
>>> 
>>> "Since when do I kid?" 
>>> 
>>> Zell paused with a sigh. "True. But you have been acting weird lately. Come to think of it, Seifer has too..." 
>>> 
>>> At the mention of Seifer, for once, Zell had Squall`s attention. "What do you mean?" 
>>> 
>>> His head tilted slightly. " Well, I saw him yesterday in the cafeteria. He's been strange ever since the war and all, but this was different. I don't know... he seemed... broke. Some guys came up to him and were pulling some D.C. shit, like he used to when he was headof it, and he just sat there, lookin' almost lost or somethin'. The old Seifer... well no one would have been stupid enough to try to intimidate him in the first place." 
>>> 
>>> Squall turned and wandering across his room, plopping onto his bed. "So what happened?" Squall asked quietly. 
>>> 
>>> "Uh, well, not much. I couldn't see everything and it was over quick. It looked like they just talked to him, well, not nicely or anything. I think they hate him more than I ever thought I did. Like tens of times more. They walked away, looking all smug. He left right after, lookin' like someone killed his puppy and gave it to him for dinner." Zell shrugged. "But he kinda looked like that when he came in too." 
>>> 
>>> He needed to see Seifer. Obviously, readjusting to life after the war and after his kidnapping was going to be far more difficult than it had appeared. Seifer himself was enough of a hindrance, closing himself off like he had in the infirmary, without adding lingering hate on the part of some students. 
>>> 
>>> "Do...do you know what's the matter with him?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall looked up slowly. He had almost forgotten Zell was even there. "Yeah," he said softly. "For the most part, but it's up to him to tell but I don't think asking him is a good idea." 
>>> 
>>> "Oh..." Zell nodded. "You know, as much as he's tormented me over the years, I hate seeing him like this. I'd almost rather have him teasing me and calling me chicken-wuss again than the way he is now. It's almost like he's dead, but he's still walking around. It's creepy." 
>>> 
>>> Sighing, Squall closed his eyes, fighting back the tears so easily finding their way to the surface lately. "I know." 
>>> 
>>> The room fell into silence, even their breaths barely audible. 
>>> 
>>> Suddenly, Zell jolted to alertness. "Oh! Not to break up our happy moment, but we gotta get going." 
>>> 
>>> "Huh?" What was Zell talking about? Again.   
  
"Yeah, well we have that combat exhibition Cid planned two months ago to go to. Didn't know if you forgot. You've been rather distracted lately." 
>>> 
>>> "...Oh..." He had forgotten. Damn! The last thing he wanted to do at the moment was show-off fighting techniques, which only he and Seifer could use, to a bunch of underclassmen. Especially not when he needed to see Seifer. Seifer was more important than some stupid exhibition. But duty was duty. And as acting headmaster that duty was even greater. 
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed. "Okay, give me a minute to get dressed and I'll be right there."   

>>> 
>>> (End part 8) 
>>> 
>>> *********


	9. Reversals Part 9

Untitled Document

> > >   
****The Bloodcross Key: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest   

>>> 
>>> *****Part 9:
>>> 
>>> The barrage of questions seemed endless.
>>> 
>>> "So how'd you beat the Sorceress?" Barely.
>>> 
>>> "How many GF's did you need to summon?" More than he would have liked.
>>> 
>>> "_Which _GF's did you summon?" Did that really matter?
>>> 
>>> "How long did it take?" Too long.
>>> 
>>> "What's the most difficult creature you ever fought?" Seifer. For reasons deeper than he'd ever say. Maybe deeper than he even knew.
>>> 
>>> "Can I see your gunblade?" He heard that often enough he was beginning to wonder if it was some sort of pick-up line.
>>> 
>>> "Can you show us how you defeated the Sorceress' Knight?"
>>> 
>>> That got his attention where he had mostly brushed off the other questions. He stared at the underclassman who had spoken, a small girl with wide green eyes gazing at him in naked adoration.
>>> 
>>> Another student, tall and dark-haired, added with a smug grin, "Yeah. We heard you kicked his ass real good. More than once!"
>>> 
>>> The crowd rumbled, murmurs of "the loser' and "bastard" and "... he deserved..." still audible over their enthusiasm. Squall's storm blue eyes narrowed as they darted over the crowd. Gods, he hoped Seifer wasn't around to hear. The last thing Seifer needed was more guilt and shame to pile on the mountain of self-loathing he already tormented himself with. Add to that the torture, and violation, and ... and...
>>> 
>>> "Enough!" Squall roared, quaking hands clenching in a creak of leather at his sides. "As long as you are students of Garden you _will _show respect to your fellow students. You don't have to like them, you don't have to be their friend, but you _will _treat them civilly."
>>> 
>>> With that said, the exhibition lecture was over. He was through standing on the auditorium's stage dealing with a crowd of ungrateful students. Students with no fucking clue how much Seifer had suffered and sacrificed just to be among them. Fuck them! If those sniveling bastards were what Garden had to work with, no wonder SeeD was a _small_, elite force. The could go to hell for all he cared.
>>> 
>>> He stormed off the stage, his eyes daring anyone to as much as breathe in his direction. Frozen in breathless silence, none did.
>>> 
>>> *******
>>> 
>>> "Squall!" Quistis called, hurrying from the Library entrance behind him.
>>> 
>>> He turned and waited, his face set-stone still except for narrowing eyes.
>>> 
>>> "Squall, have you seen Seifer?"
>>> 
>>> The stone began to crumble. "No. Why?"
>>> 
>>> "He wasn't in class today. I've been looking for him to see if he was alright, but I can't find him anywhere."
>>> 
>>> "Where have you looked?" Squall's heart began thumping loudly in his ears as it pound against his constricting chest. Seifer wouldn't miss class deliberately. Not with how determined he looked yesterday. What if...
>>> 
>>> "Everywhere. I was about to check his room again."
>>> 
>>> The hands hanging at Squall's sides trembled. Seifer hadn't been in his room last night either, or at least hadn't answered the door.
>>> 
>>> "No one's seen him leave. Actually, no one's seen him at all, not since yesterday evening in... the cafeteria."
>>> 
>>> He had to be dreaming again, and the whole thing was just a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. Not real at all. Seifer couldn't be gone. He had just gotten him back.
>>> 
>>> "I'll look for him. You've checked the Training Center?" he said with his signature calm, but not one bit of it did he feel.
>>> 
>>> "Yes! Twice."
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded, but his mind was elsewhere. "I'll look. Thanks."
>>> 
>>> "But," Quistis paused, watching him. "...aren't you supposed to meet Rinoa for lunch?"
>>> 
>>> Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa. To hell with Rinoa. She could wait. Sure, he should care more about how she felt. Care more about her. After all, he was her boyfriend. But he'd known Seifer longer. Seifer was a part of him, part of who he was, almost like they were opposite sides of the same being. The sun to his gloom. Fire to his ice. To lose Seifer was to lose himself. If Rinoa loved him, she would understand.
>>> 
>>> "I said, `_I'll _look`. She knows my duties as headmaster come before my duties to her."
>>> 
>>> Quistis looked at him strangely, then tilted her head in that irritating way which meant she thought she knew something. "I see."
>>> 
>>> Squall thought he caught a glimpse of a smirk on her lips. What did she believe she had discovered about him? It wasn't like he had been obvious about how he truly felt. Feelings safely hidden inside as they always had been. Well mostly. And what was it about everyone lately? Smirks everywhere but on the one he wanted it to be most.
>>> 
>>> "Whatever..."
>>> 
>>> *******
>>> 
>>> Squall stood before Seifer's door. With a shaky breath, he knocked.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer. You in there?" he called. Squall glanced irritably to either side of the hallway.
>>> 
>>> He felt like an idiot; Well, if Seifer wasn't inside, he felt like an idiot, yelling through the door to an empty room. Yet, there was no where else left to look; he had searched everywhere and not one sign of Seifer. No one had seen him, desperation prompting him to even ask. Hell if he was in the mood to talk to anyone after the day he'd been having. But, for Seifer...
>>> 
>>> "Seifer. It's Squall." He banged on the door. "Open up."
>>> 
>>> Nothing. The fear he had been able to keep to a low hum throughout his search rumbled over the awkwardness of talking to an empty room, rising to a thunder of pure panic.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer!"
>>> 
>>> Still nothing.
>>> 
>>> Squall's fingers flew across the keypad of the electronic lock beside the door, entering the headmaster's override code. He didn't know which possibility was worse: finding Seifer in his room, or not finding him. Both brought unwelcome images to his frantic mind.
>>> 
>>> The door whispered open and Squall stepped into near darkness. Aside from the pale white band, broken by his shadow, cast upon the floor from the corridor, a faint bluish glow across the room offered the only semblance of light: sunlight fighting through thick, dark curtains. Probably velvet, like...
>>> 
>>> "Seifer?" Squall stood several steps inside the room, his blue-gray shadow shifting with him. The light from the hall vanished with a breezy click and he strained his eyes to see into the blue-blackness of the room's depths.
>>> 
>>> After a few moments his vision adjusted, dark shapes of varying gray melting from what had been a veil of blue-tinged blackness. Leave it to Seifer to have the one room in Garden with a switch _not _by the door. Using the vague value-map of shadows, he wandered further into the room, fumbling for a lamp and successfully avoiding stubbing a toe. Not that he would have felt it through his thick boots if he hadn`t.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer?" A faint rustling of cloth was his only reply. Squall sighed. Just his clothes. Damn. He was ten times a fool for skulking about in Seifer's empty room. He had to be losing his mind: paranoia, outward emotionalism, nervousness, guilt, the dreams...
>>> 
>>> The dreams. Best not to think about them. Particularly not while creeping around. _And _not while in tight leather. Not only would it be embarrassing, if someone saw him, but very uncomfortable. Heated, thickening skin straining against slick leather and the zipper of his pants...
>>> 
>>> Squall froze. Leather. Leather pants. Although they had tightened slightly at trying _not _to think about his dreams, his faintly aroused state was furthest from his mind. Leather pants. Leather. Leather creaked. Even squeaked. But leather did _not _`rustle'.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer?" Squall called, louder than before, and voice shaking.
>>> 
>>> A weak groan answered him.
>>> 
>>> Mindless of any obstacles hidden in the gray, he stumbled towards the bluish glow of the window, his heart hammering in his chest. With a hand trembling from adrenaline, he flung aside the curtain, bombarding the room in bright sunlight. His arm shot up to shield his eyes from the glare. As he turned back towards the room, his squinted gaze fell on Seifer's bed. And he forgot to breathe.
>>> 
>>> Seifer rose slightly from the tight curl of his body to lean on an elbow, his other arm darting to cover his face from the sun. Rumpled and sleepy, dark clothes hanging loosely on him like wrinkled shadows, he still shone like a god, golden and silver and beautiful. Even under the white haze of the sudden light.
>>> 
>>> "Squall?" The tremor in Seifer's drowsy voice mirrored the tremor in his hand and the heaviness of his breath.
>>> 
>>> "Yeah." Squall took a tentative step toward the bed. "You okay?"
>>> 
>>> With a nervous flinch, Seifer edged himself backward, into the weak shadows near the wall, the simple gray blanket spread over his bed bunching around his body.
>>> 
>>> "What... what are you doing here?" Seifer asked, a whisper of dispassionate fear and anger.
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed, his mind a confusing jumble of all he felt and thought and wanted. Nothing made sense. But none of it mattered. Only Seifer. Seifer stared at him, with his gorgeous aqua eyes sparkling, almost glowing in the sunlight. Yet, it was a beauty pale, dimmed by desolation, despair, fear,... death. Death of Seifer's passionate soul. Well, he did know one thing he wanted; he wanted to break down and cry, he wanted Seifer back. The real Seifer: all fire, and passion, and arrogance, and sarcastic humor, and impulse, and strength, and ...
>>> 
>>> "You missed class," Squall finally muttered.
>>> 
>>> Seifer glanced lazily at his bedside clock: 12:42 in glowing red. His eyes sunk to the floor, blank and listless.
>>> 
>>> "Oh."
>>> 
>>> "You okay?"
>>> 
>>> Seifer dropped his arm to his lap, his hands clawing the hem of his shirt. He gave a slow nod.
>>> 
>>> "Well, uh...you know if you need more time..."
>>> 
>>> "I'm fine," Seifer mumbled. "Just overslept."
>>> 
>>> Overslept? It was nearly one o'clock. Either Seifer had stayed awake too late last night, or he needed far more sleep and time to recover than he thought. Squall unconsciously let his gaze wander to the spot on the floor Seifer seemed to find so uninterestingly interesting. Two vials of pills lay near his nightstand like they had rolled there.
>>> 
>>> ...Or a third possibility: Seifer had help oversleeping. He bent down to pick them up.
>>> 
>>> "What are these?" Squall asked as he examined the labels. Kadowaki's signature was on both. Relieved, he let out the breath he hadn't realized he had held. The white ones were for pain, one to be taken no more than three times a day. The red were sleeping pills, also a dosage of one, to be taken right before sleeping. He grunted, as he set both vials on the nightstand with a sudden rattle.
>>> 
>>> Squall turned back to Seifer who watched him silently.
>>> 
>>> "I assume you're taking the proper dosage." It was a question but not a question.
>>> 
>>> Seifer just continued to stare.
>>> 
>>> "Well, I think it may be best if you wait a few days before actually starting classes."
>>> 
>>> _ That _got a reaction, slight though it was. Seifer's eyes narrowed and his pink lips frowned.
>>> 
>>> "I... I'm fine. I..." Seifer said desperately.
>>> 
>>> "Maybe. But if one sleeping pill has you so knocked out you miss your classes then you need more rest."
>>> 
>>> "But..."
>>> 
>>> Squall lifted his hand to silence him. "That's an order."
>>> 
>>> "You can't. I..."
>>> 
>>> Squall approached the bed, resisting the urge to drop onto it and gather Seifer in his arms. To hold him, to comfort him, to...
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," he said softly. "You've waited this long, what's a few more days?"
>>> 
>>> At the pained look that flashed in Seifer's eyes he wanted to kick himself. What had he said? ... Oh!... Oh, shit!
>>> 
>>> "I didn't mean it like that. I just... I... oh, nevermind." Sighing, Squall ran a hand through his hair. "Listen, since you slept the morning away, how about we get some lunch?"
>>> 
>>> "I'd rather not."
>>> 
>>> "Brooding isn't going to get you starting classes any sooner."
>>> 
>>> Seifer rolled over, curling up facing the wall, and ignored him.
>>> 
>>> Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Squall's fingers twitched to reach out in comfort, to touch Seifer's warm skin, his golden hair, his cheek, his lips... But he did nothing. Just stared at his hands clutching his knees. "Seifer, I... I... I want to help you."
>>> 
>>> "Then go away."
>>> 
>>> "That won't solve anything."
>>> 
>>> "It worked for you," Seifer said distantly, pain flickering in his dead eyes as they peered over his shoulder at Squall.   
  
Squall's mouth went dry. "No. It didn't. I..." He stood and paced to the middle of the room, biting his lip, wanting to say so much but not finding the words. So he found other words. Words that said nothing and yet everything if one looked deep enough. Looked past the cold and the assumed apathy to see what he _wasn't _saying, what he couldn't say.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, I...I... look, I can't have injured students moping about making themselves worse. What ...what would Cid think? So... I'm going to do what I can to see that doesn't happen. Besides, the way I see it, if you don't eat, the Doc won't be happy, and who knows what she'll come up with to make sure you do. This way, you don't have to find out. Well?"
>>> 
>>> He turned, arms folded across his chest, his storm blue eyes daring Seifer to say 'no'.
>>> 
>>> "Fine," Seifer groaned. "Whatever. You win."
>>> 
>>> "Good. I'll be right back."   

>>> 
>>> (End Part 9)
>>> 
>>>   



	10. Reversals Part 10

Untitled Document

> > > **The Bloodcross Key: Reversals**   
_by Lady Tempest_   

>>> 
>>> **Part 10:**   

>>> 
>>> Seifer stared at the closed door, dazed. His body shook. In confusion, fear, pain. So much pain, but of the sort the pills at his bedside could never touch. All he was to Squall was some burden duty forced upon him. Regardless of how much Seifer wished, hoped, prayed, that Squall cared, was genuinely concerned for him, the cold hard truth proved it to be a pathetic fantasy. To Squall, Seifer was just another problem student that duty demanded be fixed; He had even said as much.
>>> 
>>> How could Seifer have expected anything else? He didn't deserve more. Never did. He didn't even deserve the cold, _obligated _concern. And if he truly loved Squall, how could he even think of fouling him with the sins and filth blackening his pathetic soul?
>>> 
>>> Seifer curled tightly into himself, lying motionless on his narrow bed. The faces, images, pain, humiliation, never left him, haunting him like malicious ghosts. He was pathetic and weak and useless, even more than he ever believed in the past. He constantly betrayed the justness of vengeance from those he had wronged with his desperate wish that it all would end. Sometimes, he even craved death. To finally be at peace. To be free of the phantom eyes and hands slithering along his flesh, his mind, his soul. But it wouldn't be fair to them. Wouldn't be fair to those who died because of his weakness, his stupid dream. So, he lived.
>>> 
>>> Seifer sighed and turned damp, reddened eyes to look at his clock. 2:21. Squall had said he would be right back. He knew Squall would have better things to do than lower himself to actually spend time with him. He should have known better than to expect Squall would really return. But a small, foolish part of him, deep down, refusing to be completely buried in his despair, clung to the ridiculous hope Squall had meant it. Even if it was only out of a misplaced sense of duty, Squall would be near him. And Seifer could continue to love him in silence as he always had. Watch him and savor the cold beauty and strength that was Squall Leonhart.
>>> 
>>> But Squall wasn`t coming. And wasn't going to. Not that Seifer blamed him. Squall was the last person Seifer could _ever _blame. For anything. And Seifer was far from a position to start blaming anyone other than himself.
>>> 
>>> Pain shot through his chest and lingered in a tight clench around his heart. He sat up, fumbling for his medication. Once his shaking hands managed to open the rattling container, he quickly swallowed a white pill, his pale eyes fallen closed.
>>> 
>>> Dragging himself from his bed, Seifer shuffled to the bathroom. As he removed his sleep-wrinkled clothes, he hated the cool air brushing against his bare flesh. He hated seeing or revealing his naked skin, the vulnerability of it. The vulnerability of anything and everything freely able to touch him, violate him all over again. But he hated being unwashed even more. Enough filth clung to his soul to not add more by letting it cling to his body as well.
>>> 
>>> He turned on the shower and stepped inside, not waiting for the water to warm. All he cared about was scraping the dirt and grime from his skin, sticking to him like a suffocating film, choking him, touching him, violating...
>>> 
>>> Seifer slid to his knees, huddling in a corner, the white tile cold against his skin. The spray of icy water beat down on him, battering his naked flesh like thousands of tiny, relentless hands. No escape. No escape.
>>> 
>>> He shivered, but not from the chill. His whimpering sobs echoed in the small, tiled shower, but his mind was beyond hearing.   

>>> 
>>> *****   

>>> 
>>> Squall left the cafeteria hall with a relaxed, yet determined stride. A large brown-paper bag clutched in his hand, he headed for the dorms. A warmth had settled in his chest, bringing a lightness to his mood, and every so often, to his step when his mind wandered to far to keep himself under control.
>>> 
>>> It was a strange feeling, akin to how he had first felt in space with Rinoa. But more. So much more. Like the difference between the light of a match and the light of the sun. Both warmed; both illuminated; yet the intensity was worlds apart.
>>> 
>>> He refused to analyze it. In the back of his mind he knew to do so would shatter all he knew, all he believed. Would alter his life in a way he couldn't imagine and wasn't ready for. Better to indulge the sensations of the moment and keep his world intact. Sometimes thinking was overrated.
>>> 
>>> "Squall!" a breathless, familiar voice invaded his attempt at avoiding his thoughts.
>>> 
>>> Cringing, he stopped and turned to face Rinoa hurrying towards him. Damn.
>>> 
>>> "Hey," he said blandly.
>>> 
>>> Her lips spread into a knowing smile. "'Hey' to you too," she giggled. "I see you got lunch. And here I was beginning to think you forgot."
>>> 
>>> Lunch? He glanced down at the bag in his hand. But...
>>> 
>>> "Umm... it's for a... sick student."
>>> 
>>> "Oh?" Her head cocked to the side in an expression he once had almost convinced himself he thought adorable, her dark eyes glittering. "That's so very sweet of you, Squall."
>>> 
>>> Squall scowled. "...whatever." It wasn't `sweet', it was Seifer.
>>> 
>>> "Well, it works out perfectly. I have lunch already all set out in my room." Beside him, she twined her arm with his. "You want to drop that off on the way?"
>>> 
>>> Huh? Shit! He couldn't... Seifer. Seifer was waiting for him. "Huh? I..."
>>> 
>>> "I'll go with you," she stated, still smiling.
>>> 
>>> Seifer. "Rinoa, about lunch. I'm kinda busy."
>>> 
>>> Her brows narrowed as she pouted. "But, you promised. And you're _always _busy."
>>> 
>>> Shaking his head slightly, he groaned inwardly in exasperation. Not again. "When Cid gets back, I'll have more time. I promise."
>>> 
>>> "It's always `when Cid gets back', and before it was `when things settle down from the war'. It's always something! I love you, Squall. Is it so wrong to want to spend a little time with you?" Her brown eyes pleaded with him, so sad and defenseless.
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed. "No, it's not. You're right." She was always right. She was his girlfriend. And maybe if he told himself that often enough, he could make her happy. _His _feelings didn`t matter. Never mattered. To her or to anyone else. But, dammit, she was right because he never was. "Let's go. I'll drop this off later."
>>> 
>>> Rinoa gave him a strange look which quickly disappeared under her syrupy smile. "Okay." She nodded. "I know you'll just love it. I had my favorite restaurant in the city deliver. And I chose a menu you just _have_ to try. It's absolutely wonderful."
>>> 
>>> Whatever...   

>>> 
>>> ******   

>>> 
>>> Squall stood at Seifer's door, a relieved grin on his face, his blue-gray eyes sparkling. He knocked, the thump thump matching the rapid beat of his heart. Finally, he had escaped,... left, Rinoa, who, though disappointed he needed to go so soon, had smiled, happy and, thankfully, _appeased_.
>>> 
>>> His time with Rinoa had felt like an eternity. But fortunately, the lunch he asked the cafeteria's cook to make would keep. He hoped Seifer would like the peach cobbler the cook made for dessert. Squall remembered as a child Seifer loved it, so much he would try to con Zell out of his own share. It wasn't the usual fare for the cafeteria, but being headmaster, even temporarily, had its small advantages.
>>> 
>>> Silence.
>>> 
>>> With a slight frown, Squall knocked again.
>>> 
>>> Silence.
>>> 
>>> His racing heart stumbled in its rush to panic.
>>> 
>>> Again, he knocked, or rather, pounded.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer?"
>>> 
>>> Still silence. Nothing.
>>> 
>>> He jabbed a gloved finger at the panel beside the door. With a whoosh the door opened, greeting him with the sound of running water. The shower.
>>> 
>>> Sighing, tension draining from his body, he stepped into the room. "Seifer," he yelled. "I'm back." Finally!
>>> 
>>> After two breaths, the water stopped. Several thumps and clatters followed, and moments later the bathroom door opened.
>>> 
>>> Squall's heart tripped over itself then halted, as did his breath.
>>> 
>>> Seifer, wet and glistening, stood wrapped in a vibrant blue robe which, while completely concealing, down to his knees, did little to hide the gorgeous curves and lines of his body. Hair, tousled, and dripping, like molten gold, he looked otherworldly, like an avatar of divine masculine beauty, yet, somehow innocent and sweet like a little boy. Like the little boy Squall's hazy memories remembered him to be.
>>> 
>>> Seifer's awkward shuffle into the room snapped Squall from his enchantment, but did not break it. It lingered, slowly settling within as his awareness regained itself to the moment. With a long swallow, Squall's breathing returned, although his heart still hammered against his chest like the rapid fire of Laguna's machinegun.
>>> 
>>> Smiling faintly, he held up the bag. "I brought lunch."
>>> 
>>> Seifer's pale eyes lowered at him, a faint glimmer of sorrow and confusion and, mostly, surprise. "You... I..." Seifer shut his trembling lips.
>>> 
>>> Abruptly, Seifer turned and strode to his dresser, absently glancing at the bedside clock and tensing. Squall tore his gaze from his captivating friend to follow Seifer's. 3:12 glowed red.
>>> 
>>> Shit! Shit, shit, shit! How the hell could it be so fucking late? No wonder Seifer seemed so surprised. He had probably thought Squall wasn't coming back. Damn. Damn, Rinoa and her constant pushing and prodding and selfish demands! He was sick of it! Contrary to what she believed, the world didn't revolve around Little Miss Princess Rinoa Heartilly. He didn't revolve around her. Others needed him to! Some needed him more than she did. More than she ever did. And some had gone through more horrors than her pampered ass could ever imagine. Not that she imagined much beyond only what _she_ cared about or what _she_ wanted or what _she_ thought.
>>> 
>>> His burning eyes darted to Seifer. Seifer's broad back was to him as he rummaged in his dresser for some clothes. Seifer. Seifer who desperately needed what Rinoa demanded, yet never asked for it; His pride and strength wouldn't let him.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, sorry I'm so late," Squall began, fighting the wet sting forming at the corners of his eyes.
>>> 
>>> Seifer straightened and looked over his shoulder at Squall, his pale face impassive.
>>> 
>>> "Rinoa nagged, ..uh... _nabbed _me on my way here. I'm sorry."
>>> 
>>> Squall prayed he wasn't dreaming it, but a tiny glimmer of amusement sparked in Seifer's aqua eyes and quirked his soft, pink lips. Squall smiled.   

>>> 
>>> (end Part 10)   

>>> 
>>> E-mail: neemeister@home.com (Comments and criticism are welcome.)


	11. Reversals Part 11

Untitled Document

> > >   

>>> 
>>> The Bloodcross Key: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest   

>>> 
>>>   

>>> 
>>> Part 11   

>>> 
>>> Seifer blinked. Squall was smiling? At him? Why? Seifer hastily turned back to rummaging through his clothes to hide the warmth blushing his cheeks. His throat tightened and he needed to take a deep breath just to be able to breathe.
>>> 
>>> Seifer couldn't dare hope he actually cared. Even though Squall had come back as he said he would. Even though he smiled, a rare if not impossible sight. Squall couldn't care. Couldn't. Shouldn't...
>>> 
>>> A change of clothes bundled in his arms, Seifer turned and fled to the bathroom, passing Squall as if he wasn't there. While he quickly changed into a pale-blue sweater and loose, dark pants, Seifer determined he would force himself to merely tolerate the time duty insisted Squall spend with him. The sooner it was all over the better.
>>> 
>>> When Seifer exited the bathroom, Squall was sitting on the floor casually emptying the contents of the paper bag. Seifer stood in the doorway, agitated, wanting Squall to leave. Desperately wanting Squall to leave.
>>> 
>>> "Hey," Squall said, looking up, his beautiful blue-gray eyes peering at Seifer through the tousled fall of his hair.
>>> 
>>> Seifer's heart spasmed, wrapping the back of his neck in tight heat. Squall was beautiful. So achingly beautiful it hurt. It hurt knowing his deepest dream he could never have; hurt that Squall looked at him with an unwittingly seductive stare. He shuddered, not fully knowing why.
>>> 
>>> Squall's eyes seemed caught and distant, like he was looking right through Seifer, to the corrupt core of his being, and was too morbidly fascinated to look away. Seifer wrapped his arms around himself, too naked and vulnerable and wanting to hide. Well, if Squall wanted to gawk at something disgusting and pathetic he chose the best example. Seifer just wished there was a lesser one to draw Squall's attention so he didn't have to be tormented by those ocean-blue eyes proving that the man he loved knew he was trash.
>>> 
>>> Squall suddenly turned away and reached for the bag beside him. Could he finally have reached his limit of what he would do for duty and would leave? Seifer held his breath, hoping Squall would soon be gone. But a part of him, a foolish one, hoped he would stay.
>>> 
>>> When Squall turned back, he held out a can of rootbeer to Seifer. "It`s not much," he said nodding to the two packages at Seifer's feet. "But it's the best I could do after the lunch rush."
>>> 
>>> Staring at the can in Squall's hand as if it would explode, Seifer hesitated. The whole scene terrified him in its air of normalcy. Squall was strangely acting like a normal guy; Like he was his friend. Although he knew better than to fall into the trap his heart set, Seifer took the soda, his fingers brushing Squall's in a electric tingle. No fear, or terror, or the sick feeling curdling in his gut when anyone else touched him. Just breath-stopping, heart-pounding warmth.
>>> 
>>> And in that moment came the grim realization that if not for the nightmare of his punishment and his crimes, in time, Squall's mere touch could heal him of almost anything. And if, by a miracle, Seifer's love could be returned, Squall could rejuvenate his soul, resurrect it from ashes, and rescue his heart from the black pit of despair. Oh, what irony that his salvation was lost to him because he needed saving. To deserve it meant not needing it, and to need it meant he didn't deserve it. However, was there ever a time in his miserable life when he could have been worthy? Without a second's thought, he knew the answer: No.
>>> 
>>> In a chaotic jumble of despair, self-loathing, and bliss, Seifer slid down the wall to the floor, savoring the warmth sparked at his fingertips flowing lazily through his being. He sat in a daze. Drifting aimlessly in numb sensation and vague thought, he barely noticed Squall handing him one of the packages.
>>> 
>>> Seifer absently took it as well, holding it loosely in his lap. Squall unwrapped the other and wordlessly began eating the sandwich. Somehow the silence was comforting. No pressure to act normal. No pressure to find words to hide how he felt. No pressure to be strong when he wasn't. The lull would surely end soon enough, but the illusion of acceptance chased away the ghosts tormenting him for at least while the moment lasted.
>>> 
>>> "Aren't you hungry?" Squall asked, his arm casually draped over an upraised knee, his tight leather pants stretched along his slender thigh like a second skin.
>>> 
>>> Seifer's hands trembled, fragments of memory and feeling that had once held desire irrationally terrified of himself. Swallowing, his unusually awkward fingers unwrapped the waxed paper in his hands.
>>> 
>>> "I'm sorry," he whispered, his eyes lowered.
>>> 
>>> "Why?"
>>> 
>>> Seifer couldn't answer, mostly because he didn't know. It just seemed the thing to say. It always seemed just the thing to say. Some way or other he always screwed up, always hurt someone without meaning to, or offended, or wronged. He could never apologize enough.
>>> 
>>> Squall was quiet for several moments. Setting aside his sandwich, he leaned forward and as if he was about to touch an ungloved hand to Seifer`s bare ankle, he curled it against the carpet inches away. Yet it was more than close enough for Seifer to sense the heat from Squall`s skin, soaking into his own.
>>> 
>>> "I...I was just wondering if I needed to call Kadowaki. If you weren't feeling well?" Squall said.
>>> 
>>> Seifer drew his long legs to his chest, unable to bear Squall`s closeness, more for his want of it. "I'm fine."
>>> 
>>> "Hmm." Squall shrugged, then sat back. "Well, I brought dessert too. Hope the cook got it right. I don't know if anyone can make peach cobbler quite like Matron."
>>> 
>>> Startled, Seifer's gaze snapped to Squall. "Peach...? You remember _that_?"
>>> 
>>> Shrugging again, Squall almost grinned. "I know. Weird the memories that survived the GFs. But the more I avoid using them the more come back to me."
>>> 
>>> "I'm glad I never really used them. Although sometimes I... wish..." Seifer's deep voice trailed off. "Nevermind."
>>> 
>>> Squall studied him, a unreadable glint in his beautiful blue eyes. "That was one of the things I always respected about you, that you were strong without them." He paused. "It's also why I avoided the Fire Cavern test for so long. It was bad enough the ones they made us use in class and during training. But to have my own... I don't know..."
>>> 
>>> "Yeah, duty and all that," Seifer murmured with a trace of bitterness.
>>> 
>>> "Yeah. It always amused me that the head of the Disciplinary Committee was so `free-spirited' with the rules." Squall flashed him a Squall-smile, wry and subtle. "And here I am, even when I tried to break free a little I still managed to stick to them."
>>> 
>>> "'Free-spirited'?" Seifer would have laughed if he had any laughter left within him. "Almost sounds like a good thing. I doubt Cid, or Xu, or Quistis would agree. `Problem-student' is more like it..." he muttered.
>>> 
>>> "We _both _were given the _honor _of that title." Squall rolled his eyes. "Maybe if they let us be us instead of trying to push us into a mold of whatever they expected, we wouldn't have been a problem at all."
>>> 
>>> "Hmm." Seifer glanced away. Maybe Squall would have been fine without the meddling disguised as concern. He certainly turned out fine in spite of it. Acting Headmaster. Commander of SeeD. But Seifer remembered his own life better than Squall remembered his. He would have been a screw-up no matter what. Had been since he could remember. If not, then why had Squall always rejected him? Even as a small child he was a failure, a reject. Seifer frowned as his fingers fidgeted with the wax paper in his lap.
>>> 
>>> "Did I get it wrong?"
>>> 
>>> "Huh?" Seifer blinked back to reality and Squall.
>>> 
>>> "The sandwich," Squall said, gesturing to the untouched food. "I told them extra cheese and hot mustard with Tabasco and no mayo. Is it right?"
>>> 
>>> Seifer looked down at the sandwich and lifted the top layer of rye bread. The roast beef was slightly pink, just as he liked it and smothered in red-tinted dark yellow spiced mustard. He stared. His hands trembled as his blue eyes ached with rising tears.
>>> 
>>> How could such a simple thing hurt and yet make him so happy he could cry? Blubber like a silly girl over anything and everything? Stupid! And pathetic. It was just a damn sandwich, and just a damn lunch. And all a coincidence. Squall couldn't have intended it. His favorite soda, his favorite dessert, his sandwich exactly as he liked it. It would imply Squall cared enough to notice or at least find out, that he cared enough to want him happy.
>>> 
>>> But Seifer knew it couldn't be true. Or if... If it was, Squall shouldn't. Squall should never care. It would hurt too much. Squall, if he didn't already, would realize how worthless and vile he was and then would leave. Would not only stop caring but hate him, like he deserved to be hated. And he couldn't do that to Squall. Couldn't let him care, even a little, for someone so not worth the time and someone only worth disgust and revulsion from the one whom Seifer had already hurt so much; The one whom Seifer never wanted to hurt at all.
>>> 
>>> Seifer pressed his hands to his face, digging his palms against his eyes, trying to shove back the tears streaming down his cheeks, drowning him in his despair.
>>> 
>>> "What's wrong?" Squall asked without pause, his voice so dripping with uncharacteristic concern Seifer knew it was pity at best, disguised disgust, at how pathetic he was, more likely.
>>> 
>>> Seifer's soul wept so violently, his body quaked and he couldn't breathe. Gasping and choking back the sobs he refused to let Squall see, he scrambled to his feet, turning his back coldly to the man he defiled just by loving him.
>>> 
>>> "You can stop it, you know," Seifer hissed, unsure of where he found the sudden burst of anger, since it all had already been spent on himself.
>>> 
>>> "Stop what?" Oh, how Squall's sweet whisper made Seifer's rage all the easier and all the more difficult to maintain. Hurt, confusion, concern, fear, were all double-edged blades far more razor-sharp than he kept Hyperion.
>>> 
>>> "Pretending to be my friend. I don't need your pity and I don't need your phony friendship."
>>> 
>>> "I'm...I'm not. I..." Bittersweet pain, had he been worthy, Squall's hurt tone would have given him a glimmer of hope.
>>> 
>>> But he wasn`t worthy. "Whatever."
>>> 
>>> "I..."   
  
"I don't care why, just stop," Seifer growled. "I don't need your charity. I don't need your friendship." Tears streamed down his flushed cheeks like cold rain down window-glass. "And I don't need you. Just leave me alone." Not giving Squall time to respond, Seifer ran into the bathroom, and collapsed against the door with a loud echoing slam of flesh against wood, against wood.
>>> 
>>> *******
>>> 
>>> Squall stared at the shut door, too stunned to blink. Too stunned to move. And too stunned to hurt, although it hovered in a numb haze and tight ache over his heart, within his eyes. What had happened? Had he done something wrong? Seifer had seemed distant, but he had been since his return. Actually, to a lesser degree since his first return, after the war.
>>> 
>>> _ `I don't need your friendship. And I don't need _**you**_...'_
>>> 
>>> All he wanted was for Seifer to be happy. To be himself again. What could he do? What should he do?
>>> 
>>> _ `... I don't need you...'_
>>> 
>>> ...And how could he end the pain? Seifer's... ? Squall clenched his eyes against the tears demanding release... And his own?
>>> 
>>> Seifer thought he was pretending to care, pretending to be his friend. What would show Seifer that wasn't true? He would, could, never fake caring about Seifer. However, not caring? _That _he had faked for too long. And maybe too well. But never could he _pretend _to be his friend. Not only would that require social skills he was fully aware he did _not _possess, but also required a lie so heavy there was no way he could carry it.
>>> 
>>> Seifer was his friend, his best friend, regardless of whether either of them had realized it or not. But fortunately, Squall _had _realized it. And hopefully, not too late. So, what could he do?
>>> 
>>> Squall rose from the floor and stepped nervously toward the bathroom. Leaning back against the wall, beside the door, his mind stumbled through what to say, what to do. Nothing felt right, not that him and feelings were on intimate terms.
>>> 
>>> His fingers threaded through his thick hair, clenching in frustration. If only it wasn't Seifer he needed to deal with the whole thing would be much easier. Detachment, apathy, and logic worked so well with everyone else. At least from his point of view. But, if it wasn't Seifer, he wouldn't have even been there at all. Damn paradox. Even if his experiences in the war against Ultimecia had taught him otherwise, he still didn't like involving himself in other people's problems. But Seifer wasn't just any other person.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, please, talk to me. What did I do?" God, he sounded desperate. And pathetic. When had his icy control over his feelings shattered?
>>> 
>>> Silence.
>>> 
>>> "I'm not leaving until we settle this," Squall stated stubbornly, crossing his arms across his chest. Thankfully, _that _sounded more himself, more reserved.
>>> 
>>> "There's nothing to settle," Seifer said coldly. Well, at least _someone _was doing a far better imitation of the `Leon-heartless' icy indifference. Damn frustrating that it happened to be _Seifer_.
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed, resting back of his head against the wall with a thump. "Seifer, you can't just hide away how you feel. It's not going to just go away." And how many times had someone, well, Quistis mostly, told _him _that? Before he believed it? Hell, if he wanted to be honest, he still had trouble with the concept.
>>> 
>>> "Thanks for your concern, _Headmaster_, but I'm fine. Your duty`s been done, you can go now." God, Seifer could be a cold bastard when he wanted to be. The chill in his voice was practically tangible, enough to cause Squall to shiver; Even through two inches of wood.
>>> 
>>> Calm, he had to stay calm. "You're not fine, or you wouldn't be holed up in your own bathroom like a _coward_."
>>> 
>>> "Fuck you!"
>>> 
>>> Ah, progress and a sweet glimmer of the Seifer he knew and loved. A pleased smirk twitched at Squall`s lips. "Come out and try, Almasy!" he taunted, turning his head to the door, his cheek brushing against the warm leather on his shoulder.
>>> 
>>> There was a long pause. "Just go away, Leonhart," Seifer finally snapped.
>>> 
>>> "I never took the Great Sorceress' Knight for being a coward." Leather creaked against leather as his finger tapped patiently on his forearm.
>>> 
>>> Silence.
>>> 
>>> The tapping ceased. Shit! Had he pushed too far? The old Seifer would never have let anyone talk to him like that, even Squall. The old Seifer would already be in his face with such a foul string of curses sailors would blush, if not just plain strangling him. Either would be more than welcome if it meant Seifer was Seifer again, even for a moment.
>>> 
>>> "I thought you were better than that. Actually, I _know _you're better than that."
>>> 
>>> "No, I'm not," Seifer choked. Was he crying? "Now go away."
>>> 
>>> "Prove it."
>>> 
>>> Another pause. "What?"
>>> 
>>> "I said, `prove it'." Squall couldn't help the slight smile creeping across his face. He had found the magic button. He sensed it. Clear and electrifying, like lightning crackling along his skin. "You see, the Seifer I know was the best fighter in Garden, probably in most of the world. Courageous, to a fault and the most arrogant bastard you'd ever meet. He'd never let _anyone _call him a coward. He'd never _be _a coward. But you seem to think he _is _one. As his rival, I take offense at that." He paused to let the words sink in and to fight back the satisfied grin struggling to break free. "So in defense of his honor and mine, I have to challenge you to a duel."
>>> 
>>> The door opened and Seifer just stared at him, his gorgeous aqua eyes wet and breathtakingly vivid from the redness of tears. "What...?"
>>> 
>>> Still suppressing a grin, Squall tugged one of his gloves from his jacket pocket and slapped Seifer in the chest with it. By tradition, it should be the cheek, but Seifer had suffered too much shame as it was. And he'd much rather have the bare skin of his hand against Seifer's cheek, than his glove. His gaze followed Seifer's high cheekbones and the smooth, pale flesh to his reddened lips, living satin and warm. Squall could almost feel their heat just by looking. Breath panting through kissable pink...
>>> 
>>> Squall bit his lip. Damn dreams! Forcing himself back to the moment, he Lifted his chin arrogantly, and without hint of the chuckle hovering in his throat, said coldly, "Seifer Almasy, I challenge you. If you win, then you have proved that Seifer _is _the honorless, unworthy coward _you _think he is, and if I win, then I have defended Seifer's honor and proven he _is _better than you think he is."
>>> 
>>> Seifer`s golden brows narrowed, his eyes an intense electric blue. "That makes no damn sense."
>>> 
>>> Squall glared at him with equal intensity, yet darker and softer. "Neither does you being worthless."
>>> 
>>> Seifer blinked. "I... never...said..."
>>> 
>>> "You didn't have to."   

>>> 
>>> (end Part 11)   
(tbc)   
  
[][1]

   [1]: neemeister@home.com



	12. Reversals Part 12

Untitled Document

> > > > **The Bloodcross Key: Arc 2: Reversals**   
_by Lady Tempest_   

>>>> 
>>>> Part 12:   

>>>> 
>>>> Fate appeared to be against him. Or them. Since Garden was grounded outside of Deling City in Galbadia, his and Seifer's usual dueling spot was hundreds of miles away. With Seifer nowhere near in top form, Squall refused to risk unknown terrain and potential monster attacks just to prove a point. He wouldn't chance Seifer's life even to help bring him back to himself. Seifer depressed and withdrawn but alive was far better than losing him. Squall would wait an eternity if necessary, frustrating as it may be, as long as Seifer was safe.
>>>> 
>>>> So, that left the Training Center. After a quick stop at Squall's quarters to get his gunblade, he and Seifer headed there. Every few moments Squall would glance over his shoulder to Seifer who for once was lagging behind. Always, Seifer had been the one striding ahead carried by long legs and confidence. But...
>>>> 
>>>> But Seifer wasn't the same. Nothing was. As they walked, his head hung low, errant strands of gold limply brushing his forehead, as dejected as he was. His shoulders slouched, hiding his body under a plain gunmetal gray trenchcoat. For some reason Seifer had refused to wear the coat that had become as much Seifer as his smirk.
>>>> 
>>>> However, disappointment at the removal of one more fragment of normalcy was short-lived. Seifer was too breathtaking in the darker gray contrasting the powder blue of his sweater, brightening the gold of his hair and the aqua of his eyes. It created a desperate illusion of life and vibrance Squall had achingly missed the past weeks. The saying `You don't know what you have until it's gone' was agonizingly true. Too true. But he would bring it back. For Seifer's sake. Whatever it took! Whatever.
>>>> 
>>>> As they continued on, Seifer flinched, and drew further into himself whenever they passed other students or faculty. Squall would have thought Seifer paranoid, except he too caught some of the hateful looks and murmuring directed at the ex-knight. His icy glare was more than enough to send embarrassed blushes to the student's cheeks and a nervous scurry away. Squall knew it wouldn't change how they felt, but at least it gave Seifer a break from the unwanted attention.
>>>> 
>>>> As they neared the Training Center they passed another cluster of students. The same hate, disgust, on their faces, in their eyes, however, Squall's threatening glare only instigated a muted smirk. The boys walked on, lingering on Seifer with a look Squall couldn't read, then they turned away, chuckling quietly amongst themselves.
>>>> 
>>>> Squall fumed, his lips thinning to a tight pink line. But there was nothing officially he could do. He reached for Seifer's sleeve and tugged him gently towards the Training Center   

>>>> 
>>>> ******
>>>> 
>>>> Seifer was staring down at his trembling hand gripping his gunblade. Stance slouched and nervous, Squall would have thought Seifer a new cadet on his first training bout, not the fearless and skilled fighter he had always known Seifer to be.
>>>> 
>>>> "Ready?" Squall asked.
>>>> 
>>>> Seifer glanced up at him, deadness once more glazing his aqua eyes.
>>>> 
>>>> Deciding to take Seifer's lack of reply as _not _a `no`, Squall stalked towards him, gunblade poised to strike. Faster than either could blink, silver streaked inches from Seifer's right shoulder. Seifer did nothing, not even flinch, his eyes cast to the green grass at their feet.
>>>> 
>>>> "Is this how you defend your lack of honor, by showing it?" Squall hissed. "Come on! Do something!"
>>>> 
>>>> Seifer`s eyes closed, misery sculpting the strong lines and smooth skin of his beautiful face. "I can't! I told you I'm useless," he muttered weakly.
>>>> 
>>>> "There you go again. Insulting my friend."
>>>> 
>>>> Seifer glanced up quickly. "F....friend?"
>>>> 
>>>> Squall paused. "Yeah. _Friend_."
>>>> 
>>>> Swallowing, Seifer looked away. "Don't bother. I'm not worth your time."
>>>> 
>>>> "Hey," Squall said, resting a hand casually on his canted hip. The relaxed pose was both forced and natural, the rumbling inside him struggling past instinct, urging him to feelings more intense than he was comfortable with. The Squall everyone knew was the Squall he needed to be to cope with the moment. To cope with Seifer not being himself. To cope with the _him _Squall truly was, the him Seifer always drew to the surface. And to be capable of the same for Seifer. "You let me decide who or what is worth my time! This `I'm worthless' crap is why we're here. So if you want to insist on it, fight for it!"
>>>> 
>>>> "I..." With a sigh, Seifer's shoulders slumped. "... I can't." His voice was so quiet Squall barely heard him.
>>>> 
>>>> "Bullshit! Seifer Almasy doesn't know the meaning of the word!"
>>>> 
>>>> "I learned."
>>>> 
>>>> Squall tensed. He would destroy them! Every last one of them! For destroying Seifer, his proud, confident Seifer. Or at least for trying. He refused to believe Seifer wasn`t still underneath the shattered pieces of himself. He refused! "I don't believe you. I _won't _believe you!"
>>>> 
>>>> "I'm telling you, I can't. Not anymore," Seifer almost growled, like a wounded, dying animal, pained and desperate.
>>>> 
>>>> "Whatever..." Squall swung his gunblade in a downward silver arc, clanging against Seifer's passive blade, the impact knocking it away from Seifer's side.
>>>> 
>>>> "Fight for it!" Squall glared at the stunned blond.
>>>> 
>>>> Seifer was silent.
>>>> 
>>>> "Fight for it!" Squall's gunblade clashed against Seifer's like a morbid chime, again knocking Hyperion away from the blond's side. Seifer stumbled back a step from the sheer force of it. "Fight, Seifer..."
>>>> 
>>>> "I..."
>>>> 
>>>> "Fight it."
>>>> 
>>>> "I..."
>>>> 
>>>> "Fight, sing with me." Like the haunting tones of metal striking metal lingering in the air, the words echoed ones spoken so often in the past, yet by another. By Seifer. A challenging smirk on his lips, the glinting of life and playfulness in his gorgeous blue eyes, Seifer`s challenges always carried a flair of the poetic, a glimpse of the passion in his soul. Squall missed him. God, he missed him. "Sing with me, Seifer," he repeated softly. "Only you can. And I know you need it too."
>>>> 
>>>> Another tap jolted against Seifer`s blade. As the next strike flashed towards Hyperion, Seifer's hand twitched, meeting Squall's gunblade in mid-swing and rang the air with a prelude note in steel.
>>>> 
>>>> Yes!
>>>> 
>>>> A warmth flooded along Squall's skin chasing the jarring through his bones from his every strike finding solid resistance.
>>>> 
>>>> Slowly their blades danced to a breezy, hesitant overture, glances and nicks steadily building in crescendo, forming toward a stronger, resonating song. Seifer's initial stance of defense grew to an isolated attack or two. Nothing like his usual style, but far better than depressed passivity.
>>>> 
>>>> "I know you can do better than that, Almasy," Squall taunted, his ocean-blue eyes glittering with the smirk he didn't let touch his lips. "You're making Rinoa look good."
>>>> 
>>>> Seifer's brightening aqua eyes narrowed. But as he began a thrust, his third attack, he suddenly stopped, staring blankly past Squall. The rush in Squall's ears, the pounding of his heart at the glimmers of the Seifer he longed for, faded as he turned. A group of wide-eyed girls were whispering, giggling, at the entrance to the Training Center.
>>>> 
>>>> At Squall's stunned glare, the bolder one of the four girls smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, sir. We didn't mean to interrupt."
>>>> 
>>>> "Whatever," Squall grumbled. He glanced back to Seifer. The moment was gone. Vanished, like the spark in Seifer`s eyes, the embers of his former fire doused before they had a chance to ignite. "Seifer, we'll continue this later. Let`s go?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Sir! It...you... don`t..." The girl's face fell in nervous distress.
>>>> 
>>>> "Just carry on, cadet." Cold irritation rolled off him, enough to chill even the humid climate of the Training Center.
>>>> 
>>>> Without a second glance, Squall brushed past the girls, Seifer hesitantly following behind him. Damn! Damn, damn, damn! Just when he was drawing Seifer out, someone had to come along and ruin it! Pretty much the story of the past week, if not more, with something or someone interrupting everything important to him. He should have known better than to duel in the Training Center in the middle of the day. With a frustrated sigh, he led them back to Seifer's room.   

>>>> 
>>>> *****
>>>> 
>>>> Squall sighed, tapping his pen against the stack of papers in front of him. He hadn`t wanted to leave Seifer alone in his room, but Squall couldn`t think of a way to prolong spending time with him. Besides, Seifer didn't appear to want his company. Only seemed to tolerate it. Squall was slowly becoming aware of the resulting pain like frozen skin thawing from the warmth of a fire, or a frozen heart thawing from the searing burn of rejection.
>>>> 
>>>> So he had no other option but to return to his duties and meaningless paperwork. Until ten o'clock. At least he had convinced Seifer to continue their duel later in the evening, at ten. He should have set it for a later hour in the first place. With a grimace, he inwardly smacked himself for his earlier impatience. All his years in Garden only he and Seifer ever seemed to frequent the Training Center later than general curfew. Well, sometimes Zell. Rarely anyone else. The perfect time. Perfect... perfect... like jewel blue-green...
>>>> 
>>>> The ring of his phone startled him from his wandering thoughts.
>>>> 
>>>> "Yes?" he replied wearily after jabbing the speaker button.
>>>> 
>>>> "Squall!" Raijin's energetic baritone broke the nighttime quiet of his office. "Good to hear you, ya know."
>>>> 
>>>> "Hmm." Squall frowned, easing back in his chair, leather squeaking leather. "Is this going to be a social call? Because I`m not in the mood."
>>>> 
>>>> "Well..."
>>>> 
>>>> "NO," Fujin's voice snapped through the speaker.
>>>> 
>>>> "Oh?" Could they possibly have completed their mission so soon? Squall jolted forward. "Wait a second. I'm switching to visual." With a press of a yellow button, the image of Raijin's rugged face flickered onto the flat monitor at the edge of his desk. Fujin shoved her way into view, following a yelp from her supposed friend.
>>>> 
>>>> "How's Seifer?" Direct. To the point. So Fujin.
>>>> 
>>>> "Honestly?"
>>>> 
>>>> Fujin nodded.
>>>> 
>>>> "Not good." Squall slumped into his chair, fingers threading through his tousled, chestnut hair to rest his head in his gloved hand. "He's not like him at all."
>>>> 
>>>> "Don't give up," Fujin said softly.
>>>> 
>>>> Damn, he missed those two. They may be _Seifer_`s friends, not his, but through the whole ordeal, they had become his; Had showed him once again that he didn`t need to carry his burdens alone. It was still difficult to accept, he could take care of himself, but it was no longer just about him. _Seifer _had shown him that, although the gorgeous blond didn`t know it.
>>>> 
>>>> Squall may have needed them on their mission to investigate everyone and anyone who was involved in Seifer`s torture, but at that moment he realized how much he needed them with _him _too. And with Seifer. To reassure him, them, whatever. He just needed Seifer back and sometimes, most times, Squall couldn`t bear the pain alone.
>>>> 
>>>> "I won't," he replied just as quietly.
>>>> 
>>>> She nodded again. "GOOD."
>>>> 
>>>> "So what do you have for me?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Hmm. Raijin." She moved aside slightly to give Raijin more room.
>>>> 
>>>> "Hey. Well we've been checking out the info from that disk, ya know." He handed something to Fujin. "We'll upload what we've gathered so far. Pretty much like we thought, they don't expect anyone to even know what they've done so they're acting like they've been to Chocobo World or something, ya know. Bastards!" Raijin clenched his fist as he growled, his knuckles nearly as white as his bared teeth. "Anyway, that's not why we're callin'. We found _him._"
>>>> 
>>>> "Him?" Squall raised a dark brow.
>>>> 
>>>> "Yeah. The contact guy. The one you talked to. Well, we didn't exactly _find _him, as much as find out his name and where he _had _been."
>>>> 
>>>> The pen in Squall`s hand snapped, staining his black glove with black ink. The bastard that owned the Palace was dead, he knew that first hand. But the fucker that sold Seifer, that had coordinated all Seifer`s `appointments', they had hoped he was dead but weren't sure. "Who and where?"
>>>> 
>>>> "His name's Eli Treah."
>>>> 
>>>> Traeh? The name sounded vaguely familiar, but Squall couldn't place it.
>>>> 
>>>> "The account that _bastard _had at the Deling National Bank helped get us that much. Good thing you made them freeze the funds. He came in three days ago trying to get the filthy gil. I wish we had been there in time so I coulda broken the bastard's neck!" Raijin snarled dangerously, wringing quaking hands like he was strangling someone.
>>>> 
>>>> "So he got away?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Yeah." Raijin's head lowered, his full lips tight in a grim frown.
>>>> 
>>>> Squall sighed. "Well at least we have something to work with. We'll get him. We'll get all of the them!"
>>>> 
>>>> Raijin glanced up, squaring his shoulders. "You bet, ya know!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Yeah..." Squall's eyes wandered in one of the strangely peaceful, awkward silences which often fell between them. It anchored him in a too brief moment of normalcy.
>>>> 
>>>> Suddenly, his drifting gaze caught the green numbers at the bottom of the screen. Shit! 9:50. "Shit! I gotta go. I'm dueling Seifer at ten o`clock."
>>>> 
>>>> "What?" Raijin lurched forward, his dark eyes wide. "Duel! "
>>>> 
>>>> "Yeah."
>>>> 
>>>> "Squall!..."
>>>> 
>>>> Fujin thwacked Raijin on the back of his head and shoved him from his chair. His arms flailing for balance, he disappeared from the screen.
>>>> 
>>>> "GO!" Fujin's scarlet eye crinkled with a smile. "Seifer hates tardiness."
>>>> 
>>>> Nodding, Squall rose from his chair. "Keep digging," he said like the commander he was, then added, softer, "and thanks."
>>>> 
>>>> Scrambling to his feet, Raijin returned to view, rubbing the back of his head, a warm smile on his rugged face. "We love Seifer too, ya know."
>>>> 
>>>> Squall nodded. "Yeah..."   

>>>> 
>>>> (End Part 12)   
  



	13. Reversals Part 13

Untitled Document

> > > **The Bloodcross Key: Arc 2: Reversals**   
_By Lady Tempest_   

>>> 
>>> Part 13:   

>>> 
>>> The moonlight fell from the windowed sky above, mingling silver with the imitation white of the Training Center lights and sparking off the rhythmic whirling of two shining gunblades. Past the large metal doors, croaks and chirps from crickets and birds and other, less docile, creatures set a steady harmony to the erratic melody of ringing steel.
>>> 
>>> Chestnut hair dampening with sweat, Squall was possessed by their song, consumed with every flex of muscle, every dodge, strike, parry, every beat of his heart, and of Seifer's, blood coursing through him like a fiery river, raging with energy.
>>> 
>>> Seifer danced before him in a breathtaking blur of smoke-gray, powder-blue, and gold. The fractions of moments when both of them would still, circle each other, blades twitching for the song to resume its whirlwind tempo, their eyes would meet. And each instance, Seifer's intense aqua stare shot through Squall like lightning, just as bright, and sizzling, tingling to every inch of him.
>>> 
>>> Squall let a smile creep along his lips. Although the duel was only a phantom of their past`s, Squall had never felt more alive, more impassioned... happier. Another streak of silver swished towards him to join his own blade with a clang. Seifer's attacks still lacked the full force of his usual fire, more like a candle's flame, but it was enough.
>>> 
>>> Silver rang, black and gray melded, and gold flickered against soft brown. The intricate dance twirled and parted and twirled again over a carpet of glistening green, the grass slick with humidity and sweat. Neither spoke, their bodies and blades all the lyric the song required.
>>> 
>>> Abruptly, against a steel wall, a note thudded, and the dance, the music flowed to a more subtle theme of panted breaths and pounding hearts. Cornered, Seifer's gorgeous blue eyes watched Squall warily, their flame fluttering, but still alight. Beautiful...
>>> 
>>> Squall lunged forward, his gunblade slipping from his gloved hand and dropping to the grass with a muted thump. The cool of sweat did nothing to the heat burning his flesh; Its source was deeper than the blush of exertion, far deeper and far more blazing.
>>> 
>>> Pressing his body against Seifer's, the warmth between them became one. One consuming fire. And a one as Squall longed for him and Seifer to truly be. Seifer didn't move, just let his own gunblade fall from his grip to their feet. Their breaths still panting, his gloved fingers trailed across Seifer's chest, and powder-blue knit. With a tenderness he had never realized he possessed, Squall's hands roamed to Seifer's broad shoulders, his eyes following each curve and dip, to trace along his bared throat.
>>> 
>>> With a sultry growl, Squall jerked back, tearing off his leather gloves and flung them to the ground. Freed, his hands returned to the warmth of Seifer's skin, the rapid beat of the gorgeous blond's heart pulsing through Squall's brushing fingertips. Eyes and hands savored the flesh beneath them, traveling further, along Seifer's tensed and trembling jaw, to his blushed cheeks, to part, fingers burying in soft, sweat-damp, golden hair and Squall's eyes buried in endless aqua.
>>> 
>>> Seifer stared at him, trembling, as he pressed closer, the warmth of Seifer's shallow breath caressing Squall's own trembling lips. Squall bit his lip nervously. It was a dream, or very like one. But to taste Seifer again, dream or real didn't matter.
>>> 
>>> Gazing through a sweaty fall of chestnut hair, Squall raised himself on his toes while gently urging the tall beauty downward. His chin lifted, bringing his mouth breaths from Seifer's, those breaths merging into one shared.
>>> 
>>> The white light glimmered off a crystal tear plummeting down Seifer's cheek to splash against Squall`s own. Like falling into a icy lake, Squall was jolted to cold reality. Pushing himself from Seifer, his mouth moved in an apology his voice couldn't find. The hurt and confusion in Seifer's beautiful eyes sealing his shame, Squall did what he did so well, having practiced it all his life: He turned and ran.
>>> 
>>> ******
>>> 
>>> Seifer stared after him long past when Squall had vanished from sight. Another tear streaked down his cheek. What had just happened?
>>> 
>>> Sliding down against the wall, Seifer cradled his head in his hands. He should have known Squall wouldn't truly have wanted him. To kiss him. It had been like a dream, feeling Squall against him, so warm and strong. Squall's hands had been a heaven he didn't deserve. Not once had he felt used or violated, well, not until Squall left. He was a fool to think even for those few moments that he deserved anything good, anything his heart had craved for his entire life.
>>> 
>>> Squall would never want him; That much had been proved all too clearly. And holding his breath and his disbelief hadn't prevented the inevitable. Squall still left. And he still felt empty. It was all as he deserved. All he would ever deserve.
>>> 
>>> _ ~"Whore! It's your punishment! It's what you deserve! You owe us! You owe us! You..."~_
>>> 
>>> He wrapped his arms tightly around himself and wept.   

>>> 
>>> *****
>>> 
>>> "Hey, it's the Sorceress' Whore," a vaguely familiar voice startled Seifer from his misery.
>>> 
>>> Peering over the nest of his arms, Seifer froze, dread twisting his stomach into tighter knots than it already was. Jake. And his `New Disciplinary Committee'. The last thing he needed was to deal with them. But since when did he ever get or deserve what he needed.
>>> 
>>> Seifer just ignored the group of boys and hoped they would just go away and leave him alone. It was all he wanted. To be left alone. Alone.
>>> 
>>> But the crunch of footsteps proved, as usual, any hopes he had were meant to be crushed, like the grass under their feet. Seifer sighed and rose, careful to avoid their hateful faces.
>>> 
>>> "Just leave me alone!" Seifer snapped with none of his usual fire, the twisting in his stomach strangling his throat as well. He tried to stagger past them, but Jake stepped in his way.
>>> 
>>> "What's the matter, Almasy? You think you're too good for us?" the black-haired boy sneered, folding his arms over his chest. "We heard you'd spread your legs for anyone."
>>> 
>>> A chorus of vicious chuckles joined Jake's as Seifer's startled reddened eyes darted to the boy's menacing face.
>>> 
>>> "N...no..." Seifer stammered, looking away to the grass at his feet, his fists clenching weakly at his side.
>>> 
>>> "Well, we have a little somethin' that says otherwise, Slut-boy." Jake laughed as he reached into his uniform jacket and removed a thick envelope. With a mocking chuckle, he tossed it to Seifer. "See for yourself."
>>> 
>>> Even in his distress, instinct acted, and fumbling, Seifer caught the envelope. Although he could feel their malicious satisfaction and smiles, the three boys remained silent while he opened it with shaky hands.
>>> 
>>> Photographs. More than his frantic mind could count. But just one was enough to prove their point and send him reeling. They crumpled in his clenched fists as he crumpled to his knees.
>>> 
>>> No! No! No!
>>> 
>>> "I have a feelin' you understand me loud and clear now, Knight-whore. Am I right?" Jake smirked viciously. "Now, what should I do with somethin' like that? Certainly isn't behavior appropriate for a SeeD cadet. And as President of the Disciplinary Committee it's my job to make sure students are behavin' appropriately."
>>> 
>>> "No...Please, no." Seifer begged. For what, he wasn't sure, except that he wanted his torment to end.
>>> 
>>> Jake and his two friends snickered. "Ah, but it is. So what am I going to do with you? It would be such a scandal if it came out that the Sorceress' Knight, a SeeD cadet, was a filthy faggot whore."
>>> 
>>> "Please don't... I...." The photos crinkled in his fists.
>>> 
>>> "After what you've done! You think you don`t deserve it?" The red-headed boy shoved Seifer's shoulder, knocking him into a ungraceful sprawl.
>>> 
>>> "Please, just leave me alone," Seifer whimpered. His own pathetic voice would have disgusted him a month ago. But everything was different now. His pride beyond gone along with everything else that had mattered to him. Squall hated him and would hate him more if he saw what Seifer had done. Had to do because it was what he deserved, what he owed them, everyone.
>>> 
>>> Laughing, Jake shook his head. "Sorry, no-can-do. You see, we have some scores to settle with you, Almasy, Sorceress' Knight."
>>> 
>>> "I... I'm not..."
>>> 
>>> Jake ignored him. "My cousin was a student at Trabia Garden. _Was_. He died when _you _destroyed it!"
>>> 
>>> Oh, god. "I..." Seifer buried his face in his hands. Oh, god, another death because of him. Because of his foolish dream.
>>> 
>>> "Don't attempt some bullshit apology, I'm not buyin' it. You're just lucky I don't kill you. But, you see, that would be too quick and easy..." Jake's smirk turned feral and sly. "... and you don't deserve _quick _and _easy_."
>>> 
>>> Rough hands jerked him to his knees. He glanced with glazed, wide eyes to the three boys.
>>> 
>>> "W..wha..."
>>> 
>>> They dragged him through the steel doors and through the Training Center to the `secret area'. Seifer didn't struggle, the fight in him crushed once more. Oddly they didn't encounter any of the Center's inhabitants. Perhaps even the creatures sensed he deserved how ever the Disciplinary Committee chose to discipline him.
>>> 
>>> Jake shoved him forward into the small alcove and he landed with a painful jolt.
>>> 
>>> "You know what to do. Do it!" Jake snapped as he unzipped his uniform pants. "And don't go thinkin' you can go to the headmaster and tell him. He don't care. No one cares about you, Almasy. After all you've done to Garden, they'd probably sell tickets for an encore. You're a pathetic slut, and you know the only thing you're good for, so get to it."
>>> 
>>> "Yeah, Slut Knight," the red-head laughed, kicking him.
>>> 
>>> Seifer bowed his head, his shoulders slumped and quivering. They were right. No one cared. Least of all, Squall. He nodded his head slowly, shivering with the cold that had replaced his soul and his pride. They were right. And he owed them.   

>>> 
>>> *****   

>>> 
>>> Seifer limped back to his room in a lifeless shuffle, his disheveled hair tarnished to a straw-yellow, instead of gold, with dirt and sweat. His deadened eyes never rose higher than the floor until he reached his door. As they lifted to absently glance the door controls, they caught an envelope taped underneath his room number, with `Sorceress' Knight' scrawled in red marker.
>>> 
>>> He snatched the envelope from the door and opened it as he stumbled into his room. Half a dozen photographs slid into his hands and then fluttered to the floor as he froze.
>>> 
>>> It would never end. None of it! Not the nightmares. Not the voices. Not the hate-filled eyes and slithering hands. Not the shame. Not the guilt. None of it. Nothing! It would always haunt him, always follow him, where ever he went and whatever he did, until he went mad. There had to be another way. Any other way. Any...
>>> 
>>> **********
>>> 
>>> Water battered his skin in a scalding spray, streaming down his pinking flesh in rivulets carrying away the filth and grime and sweat and `other' residue of all he deserved. But never could it wash away the filth clinging to his soul, or wash away the horrors in his mind, no matter how much he scrubbed or how much he cried. Seifer dropped his head and pressed his long body against the wall of his shower in a desolate sprawl, forehead, chest, arms, and fists to the slick, cool tile. Closing his eyes, water dripping off his long golden lashes, he wept.
>>> 
>>> He would never escape, never atone for his past. Even the three weeks he had suffered... served under his punishment had come to haunt him beyond his nightmares and terrible memories. All of Garden would know what a worthless, wretched thing he really was. They would know how low and vile he was. The photos were the end of anything he could have hoped to build, the end of a redemption he should have known was too dignified for someone as horrible and defiled as him. But then, the humiliations shown in the photos were probably too dignified for him.
>>> 
>>> The water slicked ice-cold down his back, a reflexive shudder sending goose-bumps across his skin and rousing his mind from his thoughts. Clasping his arms over his head, his fingers tugged into a painful tangle in his dripping wet hair. He shivered. How much from the icy water drenching his skin or from the anguish screaming to break free into soul-retching sobs, he was too numbed to tell.
>>> 
>>> He stood motionless, trying not to think, trying not to feel. The cold helped numb his body, to dull the ache in his muscles, the bruises, to take the sting from the cuts and tears on and _in _his flesh; Even a portion of his mind had shut down, drifting in the frozen mock embrace pelting his skin. He chuckled bitterly, a mistake as the barrier to his tears broke, his heart, soul, untouched by the chill water. It still felt every ache, every bruise, every tear and cut and sting. It still wept that the only touch to his skin he could ever know or deserve was either vile, shattering him anew with each invasion, or the indifferent cold of his dorm shower.
>>> 
>>> The humid warmth filling his lungs with each erratic breath had become a icy burn as the steamy mist vanished into crisp cold air. He dropped his arms wearily to his side. A flash of motion caught his eye and Seifer turned, his deadened aqua gaze meeting itself in the mirror over his sink.
>>> 
>>> He stared. His blond brows slowly wrinkled in disgust at the pathetic excuse for an existence staring back. He had nothing. Nothing. And nothing was what he deserved. How could he have ever thought a fuck-up like him could ever atone for his crimes? How could he have ever thought that it even mattered? That he ever mattered? He was weak and pathetic and he couldn't take anymore, making him even more weak and pathetic.
>>> 
>>> Seifer stumbled forward in a sudden lurch, nearly tripping over the lip of the shower floor. Tightly grasping the sides of the mirror, his knuckles flared as white as the tiled walls. He glared at himself, his shoulders heaving as rage filled him. Just the sight of himself made him sick. What use was he? What use was he to anyone? A whore was all he was. A filthy whore. A mere hole to punish and violate. And maybe that was all he ever was. A whore to a stupid dream, used and discarded for others' amusement and for his own weakness.
>>> 
>>> He clenched his eyes, something between a growl and a whimper falling from his lips. No more! He could take no more! No! No! No! No! Suddenly, his fists flew at the mirror, pounding against it as if attacking his image was somehow attacking himself. The glass buckled under his blows, silver cracks blooming across the once smooth surface. The fracturing glass nicked the sides of his hands, but he didn't notice or didn't care. Red smeared across the image he furiously smashed, yet the blood couldn't hide the object of his consuming hate.
>>> 
>>> Seifer raged more frenzied blows into the silver-red glass in frantic beat to the blood pounding in his ears.
>>> 
>>> "No more!" he yelled.
>>> 
>>> In a burst, the mirror shattered completely, raining blood and a glimmering shower of biting silver-red glass onto the white sink, and tiled floor, and himself.
>>> 
>>> Stunned and panting, he collapsed on the floor, shards of glass slicing and cutting and scraping his naked flesh where he landed. Yet, he didn't care. Seifer plummeted into a fit of hysterical laughter as he stared at his torn, bloodied hands. Warm red splashed onto his bare thighs, thin tendrils of blood threading along the pale skin as it slid down to the floor.
>>> 
>>> Red: so beautiful and warm and comforting like delicate flowers blooming on cream marble. Pretty. The only beautiful, pure thing left. Blood blossoms quivered with his maddened giggles, joining and growing and dripping along his skin in tickling streaks.
>>> 
>>> Well, no sense in not finishing what he started. At least once in his life he should follow through to the end, to do something right for a change. It was a shame the mess he would leave, but in the final balance anyone would be more than happy to clean up a little glass and blood in return for no more Sorceress' Knight.
>>> 
>>> What a joke! He had never been anything but a lapdog, a pathetic puppet who lived far longer than he should have. A cool wave a nausea rippled through him and his vision darkened for a moment. His trembling fingers clawed at a pile of glass on the floor next to him, too numb to feel more than the enflamed warmth of the new cuts slicing into his fingertips. Grasping a larger fragment of the shattered mirror, its sharp edges biting into his hand, he lifted it shakily, the moonlight from the high bathroom window reflecting a silver-white jagged patch onto his pale, bare skin.
>>> 
>>> He stared at it, as if mesmerized, the light glinting into his eyes and constricting his pupils to pin-pricks of faint black, like a tiny shadow of a man drowning in a vast, lonely sea of aqua. His gaze followed his hand as he lowered the shard to his bared wrist, blood splayed across his pale skin in a morbid star with spidery tendrils of dripping red. A silver tear slipped down his cheek and splattered his arm in a warm sting he was too numb to feel. With a deep aching breath, he pressed the glass to his already torn flesh.
>>> 
>>> "Squall, I love you... And... I always will... Forever," Seifer sobbed, tears streaming his anguished face like rain.
>>> 
>>> "I`m sorry... Everyone, I`m so... so sorry..."
>>> 
>>> He shut his eyes, floating on the pain and the growing lightness it brought. With as much strength as remained in his tingling fingers, the glass carved into his skin, liquid heat wrapping his flesh while he sliced a deep red trail up his arm.
>>> 
>>> A euphoric chill seeped through his fevered, aching body, clouding the stinging pain in a fog of darkening gray. Seifer slumped back, the corner of the wall jabbing painfully in his spine waking him for a moment from the descending haze. In his flash of coherence, he dragged his blood drenched hand to a mostly clean section of floor and shakily traced a dripping-red finger over the white tiles. Dizziness washed over him, but his task had been completed and he fell among the glass and blood; cream, and gold, and red, and red, and red reflected in the thousands of tiny jagged mirrors.
>>> 
>>> "Forever..." he whispered, his faint breath misting the glass scattered near his pale blue-pink lips; And blackness, so cold yet inviting, wrapped him in its hazy, soft shroud, and embraced him.   

>>> 
>>> ( End Part 13)   
  
  
  



	14. Reversals Part 14

Reversals Part 14

> > > **The Bloodcross Key: Reversals**   
_by Lady Tempest_   

>>> 
>>> Part 14:   

>>> 
>>> Squall wandered towards the Training Center. The halls were empty. And quiet, only the sound of his boots thumping in rhythm against the marble floor, and the gurgling of the fountain breaking the silence. He couldn't believe he had been so foolish earlier as to leave behind his gunblade. But when he had lost control... Had almost...
>>> 
>>> The shame lingered like a ghost brushing his skin, a chill of horror freezing his heart. The last thing Seifer needed was him taking advantage of vulnerabilities, or breaching the bounds of their fragile friendship with confused impulses. How could Seifer forgive him? How could he forgive himself?
>>> 
>>> And to make matters worse, it had felt good. So good. Wonderful. To feel Seifer against him, his skin, his breath, his warmth.
>>> 
>>> As he neared the Training Center, a trio of cadets were leaving, laughing, their uniforms in disarray. A strange scent followed them mingled with blood, common enough in itself after a training session. And even though it was rare to find anyone other than him or Seifer training at midnight, he hadn't been training himself lately to notice a change. But still, something about it disturbed him on instinct, for there was no rational reason for it.
>>> 
>>> They ambled further down the corridor towards the dorms, still laughing and muttering to each other. Squall stopped, staring after them. It may have been his imagination, not that he really had much of one, but he thought he heard one say `knight' before they all burst into more raucous laughter.
>>> 
>>> Maybe it was paranoia, or obsession, especially considering his state of mind about the only knight he knew. Everything seemed to lead to thoughts of Seifer and his gorgeous, haunting blue eyes, so why not the bantering of three students. Hell, it was midnight, after all, and they probably weren't even talking about his knight. His mind was just overactive. That's all.
>>> 
>>> As he turned to enter the Training Center, he caught sight of the tallest of the three looking at him over his shoulder, a pleased smirk on his face. Squall paused, his brows furrowing. The boy's grin widened with more self-satisfaction and then the boys were gone, disappearing down the corridor to the dorms.
>>> 
>>> Squall shook himself. That had been rather strange. The boy seemed vaguely familiar, however everyone at Garden did. Pass people very day, no matter how little he paid attention to them, and they're bound to still make an unconscious impression. However, he felt it was more than that. He was never that good with recalling faces or names unless for a mission. He never cared enough about anyone else to ever bother remembering. What would be the point, since he'd rather be alone? Well, he had...
>>> 
>>> Brushing aside the distraction, he headed into the almost tropical environment of the Training Center. Lush green grass squishing softly under his boots, muting his footsteps as he stalked to the silver glint of his gunblade near one of the large steel doors. Retrieving the weapon and his gloves a few feet away, he turned.
>>> 
>>> A flutter of white at the edge of his vision caught his attention as he approached the door. Trash strewn haphazardly in the grass stirred slightly under the circulating air. Damn students. Their lack of respect towards their environment was disappointing at best. It seemed tighter discipline and some shifts of clean-up duty was in order.
>>> 
>>> With a grunt he crouched down to snatch up the crumpled paper. Thick and slick like photographs. Frowning, he began flattening them out on his thigh. Why would someone just leave pictures laying around in the Training Center? Wouldn't they want to keep them?
>>> 
>>> As his gloved fingers unraveled the next photo image-side up, his hands stilled, his heart froze, and he had his answer. Seifer.
>>> 
>>> "No!" He trembled, with rage, anguish, fear, his whole being tearing into as many tiny pieces as his frenzied hands were tearing the wretched photos. Blinking away tears, he pressed loose fists to cover his face, white-gray shreds falling from his hands like defiled snow.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," he choked. Seifer. If Seifer knew... if...he must have known. Oh god, what torment his friend must be going through. He had to go. To go...
>>> 
>>> Squall clambered to his feet and ran. Rage and, more so, pain coursed through him, driving him faster, blood surging, heart pounding, muscles burning. Seifer. Seifer needed someone. Him. He wouldn't let his friend suffer alone. He couldn't.
>>> 
>>> Each frantic step towards Seifer's room brought an overpowering sense of dread. And each step of distance between him and his friend was one too many. Squall's arms and heart and soul ached to hold him, to comfort him, to embrace away all the pain and nightmares to have ever haunted Seifer's mind. He wouldn't hold back anymore. Seifer needed him. And he needed to show Seifer he cared.
>>> 
>>> Suddenly, Squall found himself before Seifer's door. Flat gray and unassuming, it mocked him with its normalcy, a bland marker of calm and simplicity. Squall pounded on the door, not caring for the late hour or if anyone heard him. All that mattered was...
>>> 
>>> "Seifer!" His voice choked on the pain enshrouding him.
>>> 
>>> Nothing.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, it's me. Open the door."
>>> 
>>> Silence.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, please."
>>> 
>>> Still nothing.
>>> 
>>> Squall collapsed against the door, hopelessly. Seifer needed him. He could feel it. Feel it like a part of his soul was slowly being ripped from him. But what if he was wrong? What if Seifer was fine, asleep? And after earlier, what right did he have to look at him, no less call Seifer friend? But...
>>> 
>>> Without a second thought, Squall punched the door code into the panel. The whispered whoosh of the door chilled him as it opened to reveal the room cast in dread silence and darkness, but for the pale light leaking from under the bathroom door and the sound of rushing rain.
>>> 
>>> As he walked forward, a crinkle interrupted the soft padding of his boots on the tightly woven carpet. He looked down. At his feet were strewn more photographs, the gloss of the paper reflecting the dim light.
>>> 
>>> "No! Why is this happening?"
>>> 
>>> Squall turned back to the door, urgency in his steps. More than ever he needed to make sure Seifer was okay. Needed to show him someone cared. _He _cared.
>>> 
>>> Raising his hand to knock as he approached the door, the carpet squished under his boots. Glancing down, water seeped from under the door, bleeding the beige carpet a disturbing pink-brown.
>>> 
>>> With quaking hands and held breath, he forced open the door. Squall froze. Red. Blood. Blood everywhere. The tiled floor was so bathed in blood in was difficult to see the white through the red...
>>> 
>>> And Seifer...
>>> 
>>> Seifer lay in the midst of it, pale skin stained red, head resting in peaceful anguish on a blanket of broken glass. Near his outstretched arm was a single word scrawled in blood:
>>> 
>>> ... `Sorry'.
>>> 
>>> "No!" He stumbled forward, oblivious to the glass carpeting the floor, almost slipping on the blood pink water. He fell to his knees next to Seifer's body, shards of glass stabbing through his leather pants. But he didn't care. No pain could equal the agony in his heart. None of it mattered. None of it! Only...
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," Squall sobbed. He ran his hand along Seifer's bloodied cheek, streaking red. "Seifer. Oh god, Seifer."
>>> 
>>> Seifer's skin and lips, although pale and tinged blue, still retained a trace of color. Squall ripped off his gloves and flung them aside, mindless of where. With a trembling hand he touched Seifer again, skin to skin. Cold. So cold.
>>> 
>>> Squall scrambled to his feet and staggered to the outer room. Stumbling for the communications panel near the door, he frantically keyed in the number for the Infirmary.
>>> 
>>> Nothing.
>>> 
>>> No!... Shit! Of course! It was after hours. No one was there. What should he do? He couldn't let Seifer die. He couldn't. And he refused to even begin to acknowledge Seifer was probably already dead.
>>> 
>>> He pressed the button for Garden-wide broadcast. There was no time to waste finding Kadowaki.
>>> 
>>> "Kadowaki. Seifer Almasy's room. Now! Emergency!" Squall tried to project as much calm into his voice as he could, but failed miserably.
>>> 
>>> He ran back to Seifer, once again collapsing to his knees. Drawing Seifer's long body carefully onto his lap, he just held him, stroking Seifer's cheek and his lips and his hair and his throat.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, don't die. Please, don't die. Don't leave me. You can't. You can't leave me. I can't be alone anymore. I promise _you _won't be alone anymore." He buried his face in Seifer's damp, golden hair and sobbed.
>>> 
>>> "I promise! Please. Seifer, please. You can't die. You can't! You can`t! You're all I have. Don't die!"
>>> 
>>> Squall placed frantic kisses to the cold skin of Seifer's forehead, temple, his hair; Still caressing him, holding him like he would never let go.
>>> 
>>> "Don't leave me. Not again. Not again..."   

>>> 
>>> ********   

>>> 
>>> "Squall?"
>>> 
>>> "Squall?"
>>> 
>>> "Squall?"
>>> 
>>> A dream. It was all just a dream. Squall chuckled hysterically, a shroud of residual fear and anguish quaking the sound. A dream. A dream, except this one he welcomed the interruption; Desperately clung to it.
>>> 
>>> "Squall?"
>>> 
>>> Squall lifted his head from the sweet-metal-scented nest of Seifer's hair, eyes dazed. He blinked. Doctor Kadowaki crouched beside him, her warm hand on his where he held Seifer as if he clutched Seifer's life to him, not letting it escape. Her fingers curled around his and gently pried them from their desperate grasp.
>>> 
>>> "Squall, I need you to let go," she said softly, yet with the urgent force of a command.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer..." he whispered, distant.
>>> 
>>> "Help me, you two. I can't do anything if he won't let him go."
>>> 
>>> With the crunch of shattered glass against tile, more hands grabbed onto Squall, pulling him away, taking Seifer from him.
>>> 
>>> "No! I won't leave him!" Squall sobbed, struggling. "Give him back!"
>>> 
>>> "Squall. Chill man," a quiet voice whispered close to his ear. An uncharacteristically somber voice. Zell? "Doc's trying to help. But you _have _to let go."
>>> 
>>> "Zell..."
>>> 
>>> "Yeah. Now let Seifer go."
>>> 
>>> "No. Seifer..." The cool, faint heat of Seifer's body against his disappeared, leaving an cold emptiness in its place. A hand stroked through his hair and drew him against a solid warmth. Splashes of wet dripped onto his cheek.
>>> 
>>> "Squall," a female voice choked, sad and comforting and sisterly. Quistis. Arms wrapped around him, wrapping him in tenderness. He never thought he would be glad for her self-appointed role as big sister. "I'm so sorry."
>>> 
>>> Sorry? Why was she sorry? Seifer wasn't dead. He wasn't! He couldn't be. "Sorry?"
>>> 
>>> "I know how you felt about him," she said consolingly, pain softening her voice, as she still stroked his hair.
>>> 
>>> Felt? Felt? Past tense? Why was she talking about Seifer in past tense! Seifer wasn't dead! He wasn't dead!
>>> 
>>> "Seifer..."
>>> 
>>> "Squall, Seifer is..."
>>> 
>>> No! Don't say it! She better not dare say it!
>>> 
>>> Almost as if she knew what he had been thinking, she became silent, just holding him, caressing his hair, like Matron used to when he was sick. Voices, from the other room, buzzed distantly, words indistinguishable, only the frantic tones slipping past his foggy awareness.
>>> 
>>> Seifer...
>>> 
>>> Seifer...
>>> 
>>> (End Part 14)   
  



	15. Reversals Part 15

Untitled Document

> > >   
****The Bloodcross Key: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest
>>> 
>>> Part 15:   

>>> 
>>> Darkness.
>>> 
>>> Black and empty. The place always felt safe, peaceful, in its own gloomy way, like holding himself in his own comfort, because he was all he could depend on. Everyone else left him, abandoned him, leaving the bleak darkness inside more soothing than dealing with the pain without. But the pain penetrated his secret place, too raw and agonizing to leave to just the light, to the outside. His one light, his golden sun... his... his...
>>> 
>>> It hurt. It hurt like nothing else ever hurt. Nothing. And the nothing didn't keep it away. Only made it more intense, more lonely. He wasn't sure why or what it was, but he knew to try to remember would torment him worse...
>>> 
>>> "Squall!"
>>> 
>>> He jolted and his head turned toward the sound drifting into his darkness. He wanted to stay, stay away from more pain. In the light it would be worse. In the light he couldn't hide, couldn't keep himself safe from the truth he didn't want to know. He felt like half of his soul had been torn from him, like half of him... had...
>>> 
>>> ...had...
>>> 
>>> "You think it's a good idea to wake him? He was fuckin' flippin' out before. Doc says he needs rest. "   
  
...Died...
>>> 
>>> "He should know."
>>> 
>>> Seifer...
>>> 
>>> Don't leave, Seifer. Don't leave...
>>> 
>>> "Squall?"
>>> 
>>> No! Searing white blinded him as his lashes flickered, thrusting his eyes into the light. He desperately grasped for the darkness, but it escaped him, refused to let him back inside.
>>> 
>>> Seifer. Oh, god, Seifer.
>>> 
>>> Seifer...
>>> 
>>> Maybe...
>>> 
>>> ...Maybe it had all just been a horrible nightmare... Maybe...
>>> 
>>> "Squall." Quistis' voice was urgent, excited, as she gently shook him.
>>> 
>>> Everyone was always waking him from a dream, so it had to be just another dream. Just another. A horrible one he was happy to escape. That's all. Just a dream...   
  
He glanced up at her, his eyes sore and tired and red.
>>> 
>>> "Squall..." She clasped his face between her hands and kissed him on the forehead. " ... Seifer..." Her voice caught, choked on some emotion.
>>> 
>>> No! _No_! He's not! Don't... Just bring back the dark where he couldn't see, where there was blissful nothing, where thinking of Seifer didn`t hurt like he`d been ripped in half... where... where...
>>> 
>>> As she pulled away, gazing down at him, Squall noticed the beaming, though bittersweet smile on her face. "Seifer is going to be all right."
>>> 
>>> ...Where...What? What did she say? He... he was...? Seifer? _All right_? He wasn't...? He...
>>> 
>>> "He's going to live."
>>> 
>>> A hand, stronger than Quistis' gripped his shoulder. Squall turned. Zell. Zell was smiling too, tear-brightened blue eyes twinkling at him.
>>> 
>>> "Yeah, man. You got Doc just in time. He's pretty fucked up though. Doc says five more minutes and even the Phoenix Down couldn't have brought him back..."
>>> 
>>> Alive? Seifer was alive? Alive! Alive...
>>> 
>>> "...and somethin' about the cold bein' a good thing." Zell shrugged. "Don't know what that's all about but Doc can give you all the technical details, if you want."
>>> 
>>> Details? Only one detail mattered: Seifer was alive. He didn't care about _how,_ just that Seifer was.
>>> 
>>> He sat up, trembling, his fingers twisted in his chestnut hair. His heart beat so loudly he was sure they had to hear it. He could hear it. Elated and scared, silent tears of pure happiness and deepest fear slipped down his burning cheeks. Letting himself believe what Quistis and Zell were telling him was true almost frightened him more than facing a life without Seifer. What if they were wrong? What... what if...
>>> 
>>> Quistis rested a hand on his shoulder and pointed to the glass partition leading to the next room. Through the smoky glass he saw Seifer, laying on a bed just like his. Dead or asleep? Squall couldn't tell which for sure. But either one, Seifer was still beautiful, a prince, captured in enchanted sleep. Waiting for true love`s kiss...
>>> 
>>> Seifer would laugh if he knew how corny, how 'un-Squall-like', his thoughts were at the moment. Fairy tales and poetry were Seifer's domain, Seifer's passion. But gazing at the friend he thought he lost forever, even the `Ice Prince' couldn't help melting.
>>> 
>>> His eyes blurred with tears, Squall swung his legs to the side of the bed and lurched to his feet. The cold of the floor shocked his bare toes, but he ignored it, his storm blue eyes focused through the window. He wobbled, clutching the bed for support, his knees weak and aching, an ache he hadn't noticed until that moment, a greater ache in his soul having overridden all else.
>>> 
>>> "Be careful, man." Zell grabbed him by the arm and helped steady him. "Seifer's not the only one that got fucked up. You should have seen your knees. Eeeew!"
>>> 
>>> Squall turned and stared at Zell in dark confusion. If Zell had any intention of forcing him back into the bed, it dissipated with the shudder Squall felt course along Zell's small frame.
>>> 
>>> "Geez, man. You can turn off the `Glare of Doom'. I'm just tryin' to help."
>>> 
>>> Zell released his hold on Squall's arm and stepped back, letting the brunet hobble to the door in his infirmary gown. His knees felt raw, but healed, the tingling sensitivity almost painful, like something electrical squirmed under his skin.
>>> 
>>> "Now is not the time, Zell." he heard Quistis scold as the door swooshed shut behind him. But he was too focused on Seifer to care, on seeing him, touching him, feeling he was alive. Until his own fingers touched the warmth of Seifer's skin, he couldn't be at peace.   

>>> 
>>> *********
>>> 
>>> Red flames lashed at his flesh, yet left no mark, no burn, only a heated agony on his tortured soul. A black pit loomed before him, like a fetid sea of nothingness. He stepped forward, slowly, drawn to the abyss his soul deserved, wanting to plunge into its depths and forget. Forever forget.
>>> 
>>> Sweat trickled down his skin, cool and stinging, dropping to the blackened, rock floor with a sizzling hiss. Blood trickled down his skin, thick and red, clinging, painting him morbid. Morbid, but free. Free?
>>> 
>>> Another step, and the gray-black smoke spilling from the pit curled around his ankles like wispy hands, tugging him onward. Slithering. Violating. He stopped, his eyes wild. All _that _was over; he had left it behind. Left it with the world that had been, but would never welcome him again. Not that it ever had.
>>> 
>>> Another step, and a chill wind gusted against his bare skin. He shivered and wrapped his bloody arms around himself. He had to go on; had to embrace the nothingness. It was his only peace.
>>> 
>>> Another step, and a tiny white light flickered through the flames and smoke and darkness. The light grew, blooming as a delicate flower, until its brightness blinded him, forced him to shield his eyes with his arm. The stench of sweet metal choked him, overpowering the burning reek of stone, earth, and flesh rising from the pit.
>>> 
>>> The smoke and darkness retreated, unable to withstand the light; Much as he could not withstand the light, but he couldn't retreat. It drew him, like the abyss, but purely, even gently.
>>> 
>>> "No!" he screamed without a sound.
>>> 
>>> He had almost been free. Almost had become wholly the nothing he was. Almost forgotten...
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," a soft voice drifted from the light.
>>> 
>>> The whiteness engulfed him, embracing him like warm arms.
>>> 
>>> "No!"
>>> 
>>> So close...
>>> 
>>> "No."
>>> 
>>> So, so close...
>>> 
>>> "No..."
>>> 
>>> Yet again, he failed...
>>> 
>>> ... As always...   

>>> 
>>> *********
>>> 
>>>   
Squall stood at Seifer's bedside. He didn't dare breathe and break the spell that returned Seifer to him. Seifer: golden hair brushing his forehead, ruffled and loose; eyes closed, golden lashes resting at his cheeks, pink lips even pinker from Cure-healed wounds; He looked so innocent and gentle, like the little sun-shining boy all those years ago.
>>> 
>>> Squall touched Seifer's bared chest, tracing the streaks of healing pink with his fingers, reveling in the warmth, in the faint but steady motion of Seifer's breathing, and the beat of his heart.
>>> 
>>> Alive. Seifer _was _alive. He hadn't left him. He was _alive_.
>>> 
>>> Taking one of Seifer's bandaged hands into his, Squall knelt to the floor, ignoring the sting of soreness in his knees and pressed the warm, gauze-covered fingers to his cheek. Tears streamed down his face, plunking onto the white cotton sheets.
>>> 
>>> He was whole again.
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," he whispered, gently nestling Seifer's hand and placing a savoring kiss to his palm.   

>>> 
>>> **********
>>> 
>>> Seifer's eyes blinked open. Squall sat beside him, holding his hand with a fierceness as if he was dangling from a cliff.
>>> 
>>> His arms were tight and sore. A weary glance revealed the stark white bandages wrapped around them, his right arm wrapped to the elbow.
>>> 
>>> Any illusion of a dream shattered under harsh reality: he was alive. He had failed. As usual. Of all his hopes, he had expected that at least the one of his own death could be granted. But he should have known. There was no escape. None. Ever.
>>> 
>>> Seifer closed his eyes, willing reality to disappear. But Squall's presence made that difficult. It was the dread duality of Squall: wanting him close, wanting him to touch him, hold, him, _notice _him; and knowing he was weak, pathetic, and unworthy of any of it, of anything. Always had been, no matter how much he tried to prove otherwise. And after his ultimate failure, even more so.
>>> 
>>> The door whooshed open, followed by two quiet footsteps.
>>> 
>>> "Commander Leonhart, I need to speak with you." Doctor Kadowaki spoke barely above a whisper in her `don't disturb the patient' voice.
>>> 
>>> Squall stirred beside him. Seifer could feel the trembling of his hands on his own. "Huh?"
>>> 
>>> "It's about Seifer."
>>> 
>>> About him? That he was a failure? That he couldn't succeed in one simple task. That he was weak to need the peace of `nothingness' in the first place...
>>> 
>>> Squall`s fingers tightened on his, but it didn't hurt. "What about him?" His voice was unsteady, almost frightened, if Seifer thought Squall could ever be scared of anything, other than living instead of merely existing. But then, that was a fear Seifer had welcomed himself; Until even merely existing was too much to endure.
>>> 
>>> "I thought he was okay?"
>>> 
>>> Kadowaki sighed. "He'll live, yes. But... I think it's best if we discuss this somewhere more private."
>>> 
>>> Yes, he'd live, _but... _he didn't want to. And since no one else wanted him to either, or at the least they shouldn't, why was he alive?
>>> 
>>> Squall was quiet then gently released his hand, laying it at his side, the wrinkles in the sheets brushing raw under his bandaged fingertips.
>>> 
>>> "I`ll be back soon," Squall whispered so softly it could have been merely the sound of the circulating air.
>>> 
>>> Once Squall and the doctor left with a swoosh of the door, Seifer let silent tears trickle down his cheek.
>>> 
>>> Why? Squall, why?
>>> 
>>> ******
>>> 
>>> Passing through the waiting area, and Zell, in an energetic, yet anxious parody of pacing, and Quistis, sitting placidly, hands clasping and unclasping on her lap, Doctor Kadowaki led Squall to the room he had awakened in. Striding to the glass partition, he gazed at Seifer, who had curled into himself, tugging his sheet to his chin.
>>> 
>>> "Well?" Squall asked, not turning from the window, his finger tracing Seifer's face along the glass
>>> 
>>> "Commander, Seifer's injuries went further than his attempted suicide," Kadowaki began, shoving her hands in the pockets of her white labcoat.
>>> 
>>> Squall`s ocean blue eyes snapped instantly to her. "What? What do you mean?"
>>> 
>>> "Well," she paused, taking a breath. "...They're similar to his injuries when you brought him in a week ago."
>>> 
>>> "What!"
>>> 
>>> "Not as severe. Nowhere near as severe, but..."
>>> 
>>> "How? How could this have happened?" He stared through the glass, but a part of him didn't even see Seifer, only the red-white rage building within. "We're SeeD... SeeD don`t..."
>>> 
>>> "I've collected DNA samples, so if, when, you find suspects, they can be matched." The doctor continued, keeping her voice calm and professional, but it carried an undercurrent of her own rage.
>>> 
>>> "Oh, god!" Squall dropped bonelessly onto the bed, burying his face in his hands. "No wonder he..."
>>> 
>>> Doctor Kadowaki rested a hand on his shoulder, warm and motherly. Or at least what he thought a mother`s comfort would feel like. "Squall..."
>>> 
>>> "I failed to protect him before. All the horrible things that..." His voice caught and he paused. "And now I've failed again. It`s all my..."
>>> 
>>> "Hey!" Kadowaki`s hand tightened. "Don't even start blaming yourself! It is _not _your fault."
>>> 
>>> "But..."
>>> 
>>> "Don't! I won't hear it! Blame the animals who have done this to him. All of them! Bring them to justice. _That _you _do _have power over. Not the rest." She sat next to him and wrapped a consoling arm over his shoulder. "I've known you boys since you first came here all those years ago. Both such adorable children and such trouble. But I've treated every scrape and cut, too many I must say, until you both were too stubborn to need me for anything other than the serious injuries and even then..."
>>> 
>>> "Doc..."
>>> 
>>> "Let me finish. You aren't just students to me, not just patients. None of you are, really. So when one of my children is hurt, I'm going to take care of it as best I know how. There's obviously more going on with Seifer when you brought him in last week than you told me."
>>> 
>>> "Doc..."
>>> 
>>> She glared at him, stern but caring, like a mother, or a grandmother, might. "I respect that _you _respect Seifer's privacy and pride. It's nice seeing you boys get along for once. I just wish it was under different circumstances. But the pain Seifer is suffering from is one I can't cure." Her hand on her lap clenched into a quaking fist. "Before, it was outsiders who hurt my boy, now it's obviously not, and in _my _Garden. You get those animals that did this. You have my full cooperation in anything you need. As strong as he is, even still, whoever could do this, could break him to the point of suicide, doesn't deserve to be with civilized people."
>>> 
>>> She paused. He could feel her trembling against him, but it could have been his own trembling. "Squall, honestly, we almost lost him."
>>> 
>>> "I know," he replied quietly. His eyes were hard, cold, tears glittering at the edge of his lashes. "And they won't hurt him again. Ever!"   

>>> 
>>> (End Part 15)
>>> 
>>> **Author's notes:** After the shocking events of the last two, I wanted to be sure to resolve 'things' in a unforced way. I hope I succeeded and the truth of Seifer's 'demise' doesn't come across as contrived or sappy/corny.
>>> 
>>> Also, I had a few extra ideas while working on this chapter that I want to explore in the next, so the whole of the story will be a little longer than I anticipated. But it is on a wind-down to the end of Arc 2 and the beginning of the next arc, if anyone wants to see an Arc 3.
>>> 
>>> **Upcoming chapters**: Will Squall find Seifer's newest attackers? And how will he deal with them? Rinoa? And most importantly... Seifer?


	16. Reversals Part 16

Reversals_part16

> > > Warnings: Angst, still more foul language (I just don't see Seifer or Squall as _not_ having potty-mouths shrug>. They're both too pissy, in their own ways.), violence, and Rinoa-Alert (I am attempting to characterize her fairly, but there may be part of the problem, eh? smirk>). 
>>> 
>>> Pairing: Seifer/Squall   
  

>>> 
>>> Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest   

>>> 
>>> Part 16: 
>>> 
>>> Squall stormed out of his infirmary room, scowling at the door for not swooshing aside fast enough. He had replaced the white infirmary gown with his clothes someone had left hanging neatly on a chair. The knees of his leather pants were ripped and crusted with blood, a mix of Seifer's and his own. His white t-shirt formed to his chest like a macabre armor of dried blood, stiffened and dark red-brown. 
>>> 
>>> It was a conflicting sensation, having Seifer's blood so close to his own skin, and he knew it was Seifer's. In a morbid way, it was like having Seifer so close to him, Seifer's scent, part of his life, but at the same time the meaning of the stain squeezed his insides into a soul-deep pain he prayed he would never feel again. 
>>> 
>>> As soon as he entered the waiting area, Zell and Quistis saw him, their faces both wrinkling into a grimace. He didn't have time to deal with their inane questions. There were things that needed to be done and then he could keep his promise to Seifer. 
>>> 
>>> "Man, we could have gotten you a change of clothes..." 
>>> 
>>> "No time," Squall replied curtly, passing them with little more attention than one would pay to a wall. 
>>> 
>>> "What's going on?" Quistis asked. 
>>> 
>>> "I have work to do." 
>>> 
>>> "You can't expect to work looking like...like...well, like _that_." 
>>> 
>>> Squall glanced down at himself, then shrugged. "I said, I don't have time. I need to call Cid and Raijin." He strode to the door, unconcerned if they were following or not. "Then run through the students records." 
>>> 
>>> "I can call Raijin if you like," Quistis offered as she hurried to his side with a casual grace that gave the illusion she hadn't hurried at all. "But what are you looking for in the student records?" 
>>> 
>>> His rage clawed at his throat, bringing a chill quaking to his voice, and, oddly, loosening his tongue. "I'm looking for the bastards who did this to Seifer." 
>>> 
>>> Quistis' steps stuttered, but she quickly recovered any lost composure, only the stutter of her words betraying her. "What? But... I thought... I though it was a ... suicide." 
>>> 
>>> "Yeah, man." Zell bounded in front of him, agitation creeping into his animated backwards half-hops as he stared evenly at Squall. 
>>> 
>>> Squall grunted. "He had a little help pushing him over the edge." 
>>> 
>>> "What? How?" 
>>> 
>>> "I'd rather not talk about it." 
>>> 
>>> "Squall Leonhart! Stop taking everything on yourself!" Quistis snagged his arm, trying to slow him down or catch his attention. But it did neither and he shrugged her off. She sighed. "Didn't you learn anything during the war? If someone hurt Seifer, then we want to help. Right, Zell?" 
>>> 
>>> Zell blinked, but nodded his head. "Yeah, man! Seifer may be an a..." 
>>> 
>>> Scowling, Squall's fists clenched and unclenched, an awkward sensation without the leather of his gloves. His fingers ached to strangle Zell, and if the blond finished what passed for a thought in what passed for his brain, he would. 
>>> 
>>> Zell gulped, whatever words about to tumble from his overactive mouth lost under Squall's glacial glare. The trademark horrified and wide-eyed realization that he yet again had been about to say something infinitely stupid narrowed into a startling seriousness. 
>>> 
>>> "But," Zell began, his voice shaking then finding an assurance which radiated across his face. "... _But_ he still is family! And _no one _messes with my family and gets away with it." Zell boxed at the air, loose and light on his feet, but a fierce dark glint shone in his blue eyes in place of his usual bright energy. Zell _was _serious. For once. 
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed. He had to admit, only to himself, that Zell's intense sincerity, Quistis' too, was warming, maybe even a little comforting. Seifer needed to know that people cared about him. But, for the moment, Squall knew, and it actually disturbed him to keep them from the truth. A truth he could see would pain them almost as much as it pained him. Well... at least close enough. Yet, Seifer deserved whatever fragments of his pride Squall could piece together. 
>>> 
>>> "It would hurt him if anyone knew and I don't want to see Seifer hurt anymore." 
>>> 
>>> "Then only tell us what we need to know." Zell flashed a fanged grin. "Three heads are better than one, even if the one is the great Commander Lionheart." 
>>> 
>>> Squall rolled his eyes. "Whatever..." 
>>> 
>>> "So what are you looking for?" Quistis asked quietly, still keeping pace beside him. 
>>> 
>>> "I think I know who attacked him. But I don't know their names." 
>>> 
>>> "So you're going to look through all the student records until you find them?" 
>>> 
>>> He nodded. 
>>> 
>>> "That could take forever!" Zell yelped and stopped mid-bounce to fall in step beside Squall. 
>>> 
>>> "I'll do whatever it takes." His jaw stiffened, and he lifted his chin in defiance, his chilling storm blue eyes daring anyone to oppose him. 
>>> 
>>> Zell and Quistis glanced at each other, exchanging a strange look. A self-satisfied glint flashed in Quistis' blue eyes and quirked her lips: like a stately 'I told you'. Zell blushed, shaking his head in apparent resignation. Squall could care less what was going on between the two of them. He had only one thing on his mind and _he _was all that mattered. 
>>> 
>>> "Oookay," Zell drawled, tugging nervously at the collar of his t-shirt, his cheeks still as red as it was. "Then describe them." 
>>> 
>>> "Well, there's always three of them. One's dark-haired, tall, about 6'3'', skinny, always has an irritating smug look on his face..." 
>>> 
>>> "Wait!" Zell and Quistis interrupted in unison. 
>>> 
>>> "The New DC." 
>>> 
>>> "Huh?" 
>>> 
>>> Quistis nodded. "Sounds like the head of the DC, Jake." She pushed at the bridge of her glasses, her head tilted slightly in thought. 
>>> 
>>> Shrugging elegantly, she continued, "... I can't remember his last name at the moment. He's a real jerk, uses his position as head of the disciplinary committee as a power-play. It wouldn't surprise me if he moved up to physically abusing someone, or rather, being more blatant about it. He should have been kicked off the committee a long time ago, but there's never been proof that he's violated Garden policy. And since he was appointed by Cid during the war, there wasn't much chance to notice his abuses until recently, and then, Cid's been gone..." 
>>> 
>>> "Whatever. I don't need the bastard's fucking life's story," Squall growled, half impatience, half building rage. His anger was a step closer to finding its target. "I just want to find who hurt Seifer. Where's his dorm?" 
>>> 
>>> "Follow me."   

>>> 
>>> *****   
  

>>> 
>>> "Squall!" Rinoa called excitedly, hurrying across the foyer. 
>>> 
>>> Fuck! He was beginning to loathe his name. Hearing it over and over and over and over was really starting to fucking piss him off. And Rinoa! It definitely was _not _the time he wanted to deal with Rinoa; Not that he really _ever _wanted to. 
>>> 
>>> "Not now. I'm busy." 
>>> 
>>> Her gaze darted to Quistis, then Zell, then back to Quistis again. A frown formed on her pouty lips. "Oh." She tilted her head, long, dark hair brushing a bare shoulder, and her hands clasped at the skirt of her pale blue dress. 
>>> 
>>> The color suited Seifer far more than it did her. The blond had been downright gorgeous, but then, he always was... even lying, damaged and broken, in the infirmary... 
>>> 
>>> "But we were supposed to go to the movies tonight. You pr..." 
>>> 
>>> He didn't have time for this shit! "You know, I really don't give a fuck for your stupid plans. There are more important things in this world than seeing some crappy movie." Far more important things. 
>>> 
>>> "I know," she said defensively, tears welling in her chocolate brown eyes. "But..." 
>>> 
>>> "Fuckin' grow up! You're not a goddam princess and I am certainly fucking _not _your fucking prince. Now, I have important things to do. Later." Squall turned on his heel and stalked toward the dorms. 
>>> 
>>> "But... but you're my _knight_." Rinoa said weakly. 
>>> 
>>> "Whatever..." He replied without looking back, rolling his eyes, and waved Zell and Quistis onward. "Let's go." 
>>> 
>>> "Meanie! I don't see what could be so important that you always have to break plans with me." She blurted out, desperation and hurt in her voice. "It's only a silly school." 
>>> 
>>> Squall halted, his shoulders heaving, and quaking with thinly reined anger. He had enough. Whirling around, he glared at her from under his ragged bangs so coldly she shivered. 
>>> 
>>> "You don't?" he snapped like brittle ice. "How about this: Seifer tried to kill himself last night. That important enough for you? Considering you _supposedly _loved him once, I would hope so." 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer? Oh... oh, dear. You're not serious. How...? _Seifer_?" 
>>> 
>>> "I'm very serious. Now can I leave, _your highness_?" 
>>> 
>>> Rinoa stood, wide-eyed and frozen with horror and, surprisingly, guilt. Not waiting for an answer, not that one mattered, he turned back and continued on his path, rejoining Quistis and Zell who waited for him several yards ahead. And left Rinoa, alone. 
>>> 
>>> ******** 
>>> 
>>> As they turned the corner to Dorm Hall C, the three halted. At the end of the corridor, was Jake, laughing, his smug grin firmly in place, with the other two vermin slithering down the hall on either side of him. 
>>> 
>>> "How convenient. There they are now," Zell chuckled with an ominous undertone. 
>>> 
>>> "I know," Squall seethed in reply. His hands reflexively clenched into fists, and rage quaked through him, darkening his eyes to the gray-blue of an impending storm. 
>>> 
>>> The three students continued strolling towards them, Jake's infuriating smile and laughing glance the only indicator that Squall had been noticed. Nothing in the student's manner showed awareness of Squall's uncharacteristic fury. Whether concealed by control, or just plain oblivious, Squall didn't give a shit. 
>>> 
>>> He stalked towards Jake, and with each step the tall boy's smug smirk only heightened his rage. It reminded him of Seifer, and what had been done to him, all he had suffered. And looking past the maliciousness in Jake's expression, to just the arrogance and confidence of it, it reminded him of what had been stolen from Seifer. What Seifer had once been. 
>>> 
>>> Apparently something in him must have given the bastard pause, because Jake suddenly stopped several feet away, the boy's thugs coming to a startled stop beside him. 
>>> 
>>> "Commander," Jake acknowledged, all smooth and cool calm. How could he act like nothing was wrong? Like he hadn't... Like he hadn't done..._anything _to Seifer? No less what he...? 
>>> 
>>> The fury roaring within Squall rose beyond the fire of blood to a glacial ice which would chill even Shiva herself. Before his mind knew, his legs closed the two steps between them. Fucking bastard! No one hurt Seifer! No one! 
>>> 
>>> Without thought, without warning, Squall punched him. Squarely. In the face. 
>>> 
>>> And it felt good. Very good.   
  

>>> 
>>> (End Part 16)   
(tbc)

  



	17. Reversals Part 17

> > **_The Bloodcross Key :_ Reversals**   
_by Lady Tempest_   
  

>> 
>> Part 17: 
>> 
>> Blood gushed from Jake's nose, the same blood which stained Squall's fist. Red and sticky, it soothed the helpless feeling in his soul like a balm. But Squall and his rage craved more. 
>> 
>> Before Jake had time to recover from the shock of the first blow, another followed, with a crack against his jaw. 
>> 
>> Jake stumbled back, clutching his nose, red oozing through his fingers. "What the hell?" he screamed, his smooth cool shattered. 
>> 
>> Shattered like Seifer... 
>> 
>> "You fucking bastard!" Squall lunged for him, his thirst for blood and retribution driving him into a frenzy. 
>> 
>> Jake barely dodged Squall's third attack. "What's your problem?" Even dazed and bloodied, he managed to be maddeningly smug. 
>> 
>> "Squall!" Hands grabbed both his arms, holding him back like iron chains. He struggled against them. Although not easily, he freed his right arm, but his other was gripped strong enough to restrain him. Damn Zell! 
>> 
>> He wanted loose. Now! His blood-crusted shirt scratched against the skin of his chest like sandpaper as he continued to struggle. The bastard hurt Seifer, and Squall intended to make him pay. Didn't they understand? 
>> 
>> "Let me go!" Squall jerked within Zell's grasp. 
>> 
>> Why didn't they understand? 
>> 
>> "Squall. Calm down! Maybe he..." 
>> 
>> Maybe? It was written all over the asshole's face. "No. It's him." Squall glared directly into Jake's darkened eyes. 
>> 
>> The tall boy lifted a dark brow, perhaps to feign innocence or curiosity or both, but still too damn smug. Squall could care less for the bastard's little act. It only infuriated him further. 
>> 
>> "You know what you did," Squall snarled, a low, cold sound, like a wolf, feral and dangerous. His struggles against Zell's hold hadn't ceased; they just became more erratic and wild. 
>> 
>> "I do?" 
>> 
>> "Fucking asshole son-of-a-bitch fucking bastard!" 
>> 
>> Jake smirked. 
>> 
>> That did it! Squall was raving. His eyes were so tensed and narrowed with rage they twitched. The squeak of sneakers against marble trailed behind him as he lumbered forward, dragging Zell with him while still trying to throw him off. 
>> 
>> Cursing and grunting from the exertion of clinging to Squall like an extra limb, Zell resisted Squall's attempts to break free and held on. "Dude, if you're smart you'll wipe that stupid grin off your face and cooperate. Or he's going to kill ya..." A dark imitation of Zell's friendly voice huffed past the fury pounding in Squall's ears. 
>> 
>> _ Going _to kill him? As soon as Squall got his hands on the bastard, there would be no 'going to' about it. 
>> 
>> "...And if he's right about you, I might let him." 
>> 
>> Might? Like Zell could stop him. 
>> 
>> "Oh?" 
>> 
>> How could the bastard be so fucking flippant? Death wish? Squall was more than willing to make the asshole's wish reality. If only Zell would fucking let him go! 
>> 
>> Brow arched, Jake stepped back, wiping the blood from his nose with a disgusted scowl. "Just because you're SeeD and _acting _Headmaster doesn't mean you can violate Garden rules, Commander." Blood trickling down his chin, he spat to the side, and a splat of red stained the pale marble. "I had more respect for you than to think you would behave like that homicidal bastard Almasy." 
>> 
>> "Don't you dare talk about him like that," Squall hissed. "After what you did to him, you don't deserve to even speak his name!" 
>> 
>> Another step back and Jake was flanked protectively by his two lackeys. "Ah," He sighed, shaking his head in amused disinterest. "...So, the bitch told." 
>> 
>> Squall froze, quaking. Zell's fingers clutching his arm twitched. Quistis gasped, the most inelegant sound he ever heard from her. But, all details, all sensation, everything, faded to red, narrowing to a single, focused point... Jake. 
>> 
>> Whether by finding an untapped strength, or Zell deliberately releasing him, or both, Squall was suddenly free. And his body immediately sought what it craved. Squall surged forward, but Jake's protectors blocked him, arms and bodies and elbows jabbing and tangling in a fierce struggle to rip Jake to pieces or to prevent it. 
>> 
>> "Let. Me. Go," Squall seethed with cold fire, his darkened eyes narrowed to threatening slits. "Now!" 
>> 
>> "Sorry, Commander," the small redhead replied, narrowly dodging an elbow to his ribs. 
>> 
>> "Whatever he told you was a lie," Jake said calmly, his eyes roaming the walls like they were far more worth his attention, and took several more steps back, each bit of distance renewing the arrogance in his stance and the smugness on his face. It was as though Jake thought he was accused of not returning a library book instead of attacking, raping, Seifer, the ex-Sorceress' Knight, Squall's best friend,... Squall's soul; Instead of calling one of the most honest people Squall knew a liar. 
>> 
>> "According to Garden Rules Section 3, paragraph 5: Students who engage in _violent acts_, sexual _promiscuity_, or who fall behind in their curriculum, etc. may be expelled from Garden. Also, Section 4, paragraph 2 states 'Students should refrain from committing any acts that may damage the Garden's _reputation_.' I have evidence that Almasy has engaged numerous times in conduct that violates both rules. " 
>> 
>> "You..." 
>> 
>> "I and my fellow Committee members confronted him on his behavior, giving him a warning before we took the matter to higher authority. He became violent, as was expected. He brought his punishment upon himself." 
>> 
>> "Fucking lair!" Squall kicked and snarled at the two boys hindering him from the asshole who had hurt his Seifer. Both were about the same height as Squall, while one was twice as muscled. But, although Squall was twice as quick, their living blockade held, the momentary breaches from knees and boots and fists not enough for him to break through. 
>> 
>> Jake shook his head, chuckling smugly. "It's the truth. I have witnesses." 
>> 
>> "Fuck your witnesses. You raped him! You..." Squall couldn't finish, his throat closing on any sound but the choke of his anger, his pain, his... 
>> 
>> "What?" Zell screamed from behind Squall with a faint feminine undertone of Quistis' voice trailing in an almost duet. 
>> 
>> Jake ignored them, shaking his head like an adult suffering a child's fantasy of monsters under the bed. "Not rape, _Commander. _He was perfectly willing enough." 
>> 
>> "Liar! He wouldn't....He..." 
>> 
>> Jake shrugged. "He did." 
>> 
>> "Fuck you! He wouldn't!" 
>> 
>> "Ah. You're just upset 'cause you want his sweet ass for yourself. Sorry, _Commander_, but he was more than broken in when he _offered _his 'services'." 
>> 
>> The string of curses frothing from Squall's lips were beyond comprehensible, not even recognizable words to anyone but himself. Mindless of any obstacle, he lunged at Jake, halted in mid-flight by what in his frenzy he could care less. His focus was centered on Jake and the fact no amount of kicking and clawing brought his blood-thirsting hands any closer to what they craved. 
>> 
>> A crack of thunder shot past his ear, and suddenly he was at Jake's throat, fingers clawing around his neck, and knocking them both to the ground. Straddled across Jake's stomach, knees digging into the taller boy's sides, a body jarring, breath-catching shove impacted on his chest, but the pure primal rage possessing him gave him a strength he had never known even while merged with the King of Dragons himself, and he resisted being dislodged. 
>> 
>> He punched Jake solidly in the jaw, his fist throbbing with sweet pain and animal anger, and hot with blood and adrenaline. Another blow, and another. And another. Again and again and again, his fists flew like his father's machine gun, careless of accuracy, but rapid and relentless. 
>> 
>> "Squall! Stop! You're going to kill him!" 
>> 
>> Well, that _was _the plan. Not that the bastard deserved anything so pleasant. Not with what he did to Seifer. What he caused... 
>> 
>> Any other sounds around him became faint murmurs in his ears, the pounding of blood and rage louder than the fiercest storm. All that existed was him and the bastard who nearly killed the one he loved. 
>> 
>> Heavy hands grabbed him, by shoulders, arms, around his waist, yanking him away from his one purpose. His body quaked, his breath heaved, as he fought against whatever dared interrupt vengeance. But soothing whispers slowly tried to calm him. And one word, the only one he understood, drained him of all fight, all energy, everything, until the world around him suddenly appeared from the red haze: Seifer. 
>> 
>> Gasping, he fell limply into comforting arms and a familiar scent of leather, spring, and hot dogs. He watched Garden Security swarm over Jake, whose face was bloodied beyond recognition, and the two other bastards, one with a cut dripping red down his cheek. Squall's mind and blood gradually quieted enough to hear and understand Zell's words. 
>> 
>> "Calm down. Seifer needs you." 
>> 
>> Seifer. Seifer needed him. Seifer... was all that mattered. Seifer... 
>> 
>> He turned, peering over Zell's shoulder, and saw Quistis standing silently, her whip trembling in her hand and tears streaming down her pretty face. His own cheeks were wet and chilled by the movement around him stirring the air. But a splatter against his face, different than the crystal trickle down his cheek, drew his dazed eyes upward to find the tears were more than his own. 
>> 
>> Zell smiled weakly, but it didn't reach his sad, tear-bright blue eyes. For once, the blond was silent. 
>> 
>> "You should have told us," Quistis sobbed quietly, as Jake and his cronies were taken away by Garden Security. 
>> 
>> He should have wondered what she meant, but he knew. He should have wondered how she found out, if he had betrayed Seifer's pride and unspoken trust. But she knew and she cared and Squall was too exhausted to think of what any of it meant. 
>> 
>> "You should have..."   
  

>> 
>> (End Part 17)   
(tbc)
>> 
>> Author's Notes: If anyone's curious as to Jake and his behavior, I modeled him after the many bastardizations of Seifer. He's not a copy of the ones I've seen, but, rather, inspired by them. And basically, he is far more arrogant than even bastardized Seifers, thinking his cleverness, Garden rules, and the general dislike/hatred of Seifer would protect him from any charges laid against him. An 'ass-whooping' he didn't even think there was potential for, certainly not from Commander '_Leonheartless_'. I'm not done with Jake, but any more from him won't be until Arc 3. There's plot points still to be developed, and he's tied to a few.   



	18. Reversals Part 18

> > > **Reversals**   
_by Lady Tempest_
>>> 
>>> Part 18:   

>>> 
>>> It took Squall a while to calm down enough to call Headmaster Cid. For what seemed an infinite length of time, he had sat in the headmaster's leather chair staring down at his bloodied knuckles, wondering why the red wouldn't wash completely away, when he realized it was his own blood, from cuts and cracks in the skin, probably from Jake's teeth or 'Hyne knows' what else. 
>>> 
>>> Quistis had offered to inform the headmaster, as well as Raijin and Fujin, of the need for their return, but he refused. Telling Cid was _his _responsibility. He'd allow her to deal with Raijin, but Cid he had to deal with himself. Then he could put his responsibilities to Garden behind him, for a while at least, and focus on helping Seifer recover; help his rival become his rival once again. 
>>> 
>>> Squall sighed, running a hand he hadn't noticed was shaking through his frazzle of chestnut hair. Slumping forward against the headmaster's desk and cradling his head in his hand, he absently pressed the quick-dial to the Orphanage. 
>>> 
>>> He should sit straight, as he had been taught, raise his wall of ice, basically put up his usual professional and efficient image, but he didn't have the energy. And he didn't care. Too much had happened to continue false fronts. 
>>> 
>>> "S..Squall?" a voice crackled through the emerging image on the vid-phone. "Is that you, my boy?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded weakly. 
>>> 
>>> "A...are you alright?" 
>>> 
>>> Taking a deep breath, his bangs fluttering on the exhale, Squall stared at his scratched and bruised knuckles and began. "Cid. Sir. There's been an...incident... with one of the students." 
>>> 
>>> "Yes?" Cid tilted his head slightly to the side, his usual friendly grin planted firmly on his broad face. However, the crinkling at the corner of his eyes of wrinkles upon wrinkles showed he was listening seriously. "Go on, my boy. What incident? What student?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall shut his eyes, fighting to shut out the rising sting and tension behind them. "Seifer. He... I need you to come back, sir." 
>>> 
>>> "What's happened? He isn't causing you trouble, is he?" 
>>> 
>>> He took another deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut even tighter, the few reflexive twitches biting back an overflow of emotion still as real and raw as... "He..." Hands shaking, Squall lifted his gaze and stared directly into Cid's digitally projected eyes. "...he tried to kill himself." 
>>> 
>>> Cid shot forward, his kind, fatherly face filling the screen. With wide eyes blinking and mouth slack, he slumped back. "Oh dear god," Cid gasped. 
>>> 
>>> Something dark flashed at the side of the screen. "Oh, Seifer," a female voice murmured sadly. Matron fell with a weak yet graceful slump to sit next to Cid, her golden eyes carrying an added weight of grief and even guilt. "My poor dear boy." 
>>> 
>>> Cid wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders, drawing her against him and patting her in comfort. "You said 'tried'?" he questioned as he looked back at Squall. 
>>> 
>>> Squall nodded slowly, talking about what had happened making it fresh in his mind. The blood, all the blood, sickly sweet and metallic. And Seifer. Seifer had been so cold, so pale, so alone. He swallowed a sob. He needed to get back; needed to see Seifer warm and alive, to remind himself his Seifer wasn't gone. 
>>> 
>>> However, he had to get through with Cid first. "Yes, sir. Doctor Kadowaki saved him. He's in the Infirmary." 
>>> 
>>> "Thank Hyne!" Edea cried, a delicate hand muffling the weeping catch in her throat. 
>>> 
>>> Embracing his wife more tightly, Cid nodded in agreement. "Most definitely. I had never realized the boy was so troubled." Edea glanced up at him, the sadness and guilt and understanding clear on her beautiful face. "Ah. But I suppose I understand." He raised his hand and gently caressed her cheek. "It's not your fault dear." 
>>> 
>>> Edea seemed to sigh, more a delicate rise and fall of her shoulders than a breath. The despair of the gesture hinted at many discussions of her guilt and her role in bringing one of her children into his dream which turned nightmare. Discussions which obviously had yet to convince her of her innocence. 
>>> 
>>> "Sir?" Squall prompted impatiently. He didn't have time to waste. Cid needed to come back and immediately. 
>>> 
>>> "Ah, Squall. Yes, yes. What is it? As terrible as this news is, I don't see why you need _me_?" 
>>> 
>>> "Well, uh..." His scratched and bloodied fingers twined and untwined with each other. "...Sir... I..." 
>>> 
>>> Edea leaned forward, pulling herself partially from the comfort of her husband's arms, a motherly smile on her lips. "We understand, dear. We'll be back as soon as possible. You take care, and care for Seifer, as you have. And give him our love, too." 
>>> 
>>> Cid glanced at his wife, confused. 
>>> 
>>> "...Matron..." Squall felt like a little boy again, wanting to curl in Matron's lap, for her to kiss his scrapes, and caress his hair, and make all the bad things go away. One of the best things he ever did was stop using the Guardian Forces, and rediscover some of the precious memories he hadn't even known he had forgotten. 
>>> 
>>> "Don't worry, everything will be okay." 
>>> 
>>> Squall slowly nodded. 
>>> 
>>> "Huh? I..." Cid blinked and glanced between Squall and his wife. 
>>> 
>>> "Hush, Dear. I'll tell you later." 
>>> 
>>> And the screen went black. 
>>> 
>>> ******** 
>>> 
>>> Seifer lay in his Infirmary bed, tangled in the sweaty sheets, his breathing heavy from another nightmare gone all the more terrifying by the calming soft light of the room. He didn't deserve escape from the eternal darkness death promised. But then, he didn't deserve escape from his crimes through death either. He just needed it, desperately, regardless of what he deserved. 
>>> 
>>> To awake, yet again, to safety and life when he longed to never awake again, to never be reminded of all he lost and more importantly all he had done was a greater nightmare than his mind could conjure. The ragged blue-white arcs of electricity crackling over and through the man he loved, the man he had always loved, tortured by his own hand, burned forever in Seifer's memory. His own pain and fear, and the thousands of eyes and slithering hands haunting his mind, had banished it for a time, but it had returned as he had returned from the edge of a welcomed oblivion. 
>>> 
>>> Why had Squall saved him? Why? Seifer had nearly killed him more than once, and with no mercy. Why would Squall even think of sparing him? Squall should want him as dead as Seifer had wanted him. As Seifer wanted himself. 
>>> 
>>> But _Seifer _never wanted Squall to die. Never wanted to hurt him. It was just beyond his control to stop. His weakness nearly ended the life of not only the one he loved, but the ones Squall loved. It was all his fault no matter what anyone said. If he had been stronger, better, less pathetic, he wouldn't have done those horrible things, he wouldn't have... 
>>> 
>>> His crimes were unforgivable, as he should be. Squall should hate his very existence; hate the very fact that Seifer was presumptuous enough to breathe, consuming the precious air of those he wronged so deeply. Why didn't he? Why? Why? 
>>> 
>>> "Why?" Seifer croaked. 
>>> 
>>> Squall pushed away from the doorframe and strode across the room towards him. "Why what?" 
>>> 
>>> "W...why didn't you let me die? Why do you always save me? I don't deserve it. You should have just let me go. Just.." Seifer's fingers clawed into the white sheets. "Everyone would be much happier without me around." 
>>> 
>>> "Shut up!" Squall snapped, his hands roughly grasping Seifer's shoulders before the blond realized he had closed the distance between them. "You're wrong! You're...wrong." His head sagged, his soft brown bangs hiding his storm blue eyes. Suddenly, as if drained of strength, Squall's grip slipped, fingers trailing for barest seconds down Seifer's arms, tingling Seifer's skin, then Squall's arms fell at his sides. 
>>> 
>>> "You're wrong," Squall murmured softly. 
>>> 
>>> Both young men were silent. The steady hum of the ventilation system and the faint buzz of the soft infirmary lights were nearly drowned by their quiet breaths. Seifer, even in all his self-loathing, couldn't find anything to say. He knew he must be imagining Squall's air of vulnerability, but even so, it felt like one single word would be enough to break Squall into a million pieces, and he didn't know which word would strike the blow. 
>>> 
>>> Squall stood near perfectly still, the flutter of his bangs from the overhead vent and from his quiet breaths, and the twitch of his bandage bound fists keeping him from a convincing imitation of stone. Squall's hands hadn't been bandaged before he had left earlier, but then Seifer had been distracted by the pain of finding himself alive and, for the most part, unfortunately, well. The thought that perhaps Squall's injury was because of him and something he did pained him more than discovering he wasn't dead. And if it was him, like everything else horrible and wrong always was, all he wanted was to curl into himself, into nothingness, and die. But then to a less agonizing degree, that's all he wanted anyway. 
>>> 
>>> Squall refused to look in Seifer's direction, but the blond couldn't fault him for it. He wouldn't want to look at him either, especially after proving how fathomlessly weak he was. Slipping deeper underneath the sheets, craving the feeling of being consumed, Seifer curled onto his side, the edge of the cool cotton sheet a wrinkled mass in his whitened fists. He tried not to think, tried not to feel, tried not to do anything, but it was all too much. Too much... 
>>> 
>>> "Did... did you let them... hurt you?" Squall abruptly spoke in the barest whisper, but in the silence it might as well been a shout. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer flinched, startled more by the suddenness of the smaller boy speaking than by the question itself. It didn't matter anymore if Squall knew. It was only punishment, his sentence for his crimes. He should be more ashamed of his own deeds than the form of retribution against him. But he wasn't. He couldn't be. Bile rose in his throat at the thought of what he must do to pay for what he had done. 
>>> 
>>> His eyes closed as he sighed. "Yes." 
>>> 
>>> "Why?" Squall cried, his voice tight, as if he had been betrayed. Funny, that Seifer's betrayal was the very thing his submission paid for. "Why!" 
>>> 
>>> "Because I had to," Seifer whispered, pulling the sheet more snuggly around him as he trembled. Opening his eyes, misery glistening in the pale blue, he forced himself to look at Squall as he added, "B... because there was no other way to..." But Squall didn't let him finish. 
>>> 
>>> "Don't." Head snapping up, Squall's storm blue eyes bore into his with the intensity in the rage of a hurricane. "Don't ever do it again, you hear me. Never!" 
>>> 
>>> Seifer could have pretended ignorance, but he knew what Squall meant. Whether not submitting himself to his victims' vengeance or not again attempting his own death, it didn't matter which, and Squall likely meant both. But how would Squall understand? He was good and pure and beautiful, and a hero. A living legend. Squall would never destroy villages, cities, Garden. He would never try to kill again and again and again... the one he loved. 
>>> 
>>> Tears trailed down Seifer's face, soaking the pillow beneath his cheek. There was no other way. He could only do whatever his victims asked and even that would never bring him to redemption, but at least it was something. At least it was one step closer. There was _no _other way! "But how can..." 
>>> 
>>> "Never!" Squall's stormy stare was unwavering. "Promise me." 
>>> 
>>> "You don't understand. I'm worthless. Evil. Trash. A monster. I deserve..." 
>>> 
>>> "Shut up! Promise me!" 
>>> 
>>> He couldn't! He owed too many people. "I..." 
>>> 
>>> "Promise me!" A single tear slid down Squall's cheek. But either Squall hadn't realized it or didn't care. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer watched, fascinated, as the tear sparkled in the soft infirmary light, streaking silver down Squall's fine jawline. As is broke from the brunet's smooth skin with a quiver and fell, vanishing, into the fur of Squall's jacket, Seifer broke as well. Causing Squall pain was the last thing he ever desired to do. Causing Squall to cry, even just one single tear, was not only unimaginable, but unthinkable and agonizing. 
>>> 
>>> Besides, he owed Squall more than any of them. _Any _of them. "I promise." 
>>> 
>>> "Good." 
>>> 
>>> ******* 
>>> 
>>> Kadowaki refused to release Seifer from the Infirmary unless he had someone to supervise his recovery, although Squall knew she mostly meant ensure Seifer wouldn't attempt suicide again. With Cid and Matron returning to Garden the next morning, there would be little difficulty for him to fit that role. And if there had been, he would have made a way past it. No matter what it may have required. No matter what. 
>>> 
>>> The biggest potential difficulty, Seifer, had surprisingly been none at all. The only argument from the blond was over his refusal to leave the Infirmary in a patient's gown. Squall had to force back a blush at both his own stupidity and the unwitting temptation of seeing Seifer partially nude. He knew his heart must have stopped completely for several beats as his eyes had raked down Seifer's body loosely covered in the pale green cotton, to rest upon slightly hidden buttocks, bare and golden against the white sheet of the bed. Heat flared to Squall's face, well, all over, and the more he tried not to think about what a bit of green cloth and a sheet were hiding, the more he wanted to and the more flushed he became. 
>>> 
>>> Swallowing hard, Squall attempted to excuse himself and calmly leave to retrieve the clothes Quistis had set out and reminded him several times not to forget, but it came out an incoherent squeak and a mad dash from the room. He smacked himself inwardly for not only being so caught up in the excitement of having Seifer to himself, and anxiety over the blond fighting the idea, that he had been oblivious to all else, primarily the _tiny _little detail of Seifer's near state of undress and the fact that Squall had forgotten Seifer's change of clothes. Sometimes he seriously wondered how the hell he had become SeeD Commander. Actually, _most _of the time he wondered. 
>>> 
>>> Squall tried to settle Seifer and himself into the strangeness of sharing a room. Zell had helped gather some of Seifer's belongings, a few books, some clothes, and several other familiar things to help Seifer feel at home. Mostly it had been Zell's idea, which should have been unexpected considering his and Seifer's past, but Zell was all-around a nice guy. And a nice guy who was obviously sincere about feeling Seifer was one of them, like a brother. For Zell, he seemed an aggravating, pain-in-the-ass brother, but a brother just the same. 
>>> 
>>> The door to Squall's room swooshed open and he led Seifer inside. One of the benefits to being SeeD and SeeD Commander was larger quarters, nothing extreme, just a little more room than the usual dorm. Still austere, although much of that was Squall's personal taste for simplicity, the small sitting room had a homey feel. A long, navy blue couch against the wall offset by a matching cozy chair, a black metal end-table between them, a small television recently mounted into a corner, and at the far end of the room a desk, its sparse contents neatly ordered, gave a sense of comfort, but as Squall glanced over his shoulder to the tall blond slightly behind him, he truly felt complete, at home, right. 
>>> 
>>> "Uh. I emptied a drawer for your clothes, and your books and stuff are on the nightstand in the bedroom," Squall said biting back an unsettling flutter in his gut, his throat gone dry. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer looked at him, eyes sad, and a little nervous, even a touch fearful. Squall would never get used to seeing fear on Seifer's beautiful face. And he would do whatever it took so he _never _would need to get used to it. 
>>> 
>>> "I'm taking the couch." Squall murmured quickly. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer just nodded, a little of the fear draining from his face, and walked further into the room, shoulders sagged as they had been all the way there. 
>>> 
>>> "I...uh...well..." Squall fumbled for something to say, to make Seifer feel more comfortable, more at ease. But such words always came difficult to him. And now that they actually were important to him, he was at a complete loss. 
>>> 
>>> "I'm tired," Seifer said. 
>>> 
>>> "Oh. Okay. Well, the bed's yours. I'll ... uh...be out here, ..if you need anything..." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer nodded and shambled to the bedroom. 
>>> 
>>> ******** 
>>> 
>>> "No!" 
>>> 
>>> A sudden cry jolted Squall awake. His heart hammering in his chest and his breath in ragged gasps, he stared, wide-eyed, into the darkness of the room. Was it just something in his dream? As he sat panting, rushing blood quickly clearing his mind of sleep, it also cleared his mind of whatever he had been dreaming. 
>>> 
>>> Before he had a chance to further wonder at the fading images and sensations beyond the grasp of his waking mind, another cry startled him to reality. 
>>> 
>>> "No! No more..." 
>>> 
>>> The terror and anguish in the all so familiar voice drove him instantly to his feet, racing from the couch to the niche of his bedroom. 
>>> 
>>> " Please... die," Seifer murmured. The faint moonlight through the window silvered on rumpled sheets and his tightly curled form. " ....let... die... me..." 
>>> 
>>> Squall stood frozen, looming over his bed. He didn't know what to do other than listen to Seifer's whimpered cries. Should he touch him, comfort him, wake him? Could he? Did he still have the right to call Seifer friend after all that had happened? Did he ever have it? 
>>> 
>>> "No more." 
>>> 
>>> As Squall strained to hear, the words became clearer through Seifer's sobs. 
>>> 
>>> "Please, let me die." 
>>> 
>>> The sheer grief and anguish in Seifer's choked voice gripped his heart like a vice. For the barest of moments it took for the thought to form then fade, Squall almost felt a pang of guilt for saving Seifer; to return him to a world where all he knew was misery and pain. But the memory of Seifer's naked body lying lifeless and cold, blood everywhere, so red and dreadful, chilled him just as quickly. 
>>> 
>>> He could never feel guilty for saving Seifer's life. It was too precious, Seifer was too precious, to just let go. Seifer deserved a chance at happiness, deserved happiness, especially after all he had suffered. A suffering that had begun long before, even before either of them could remember. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer's shivering and muffled sobs snapped him from his thoughts. He couldn't bear to see or hear Seifer cry, the one who had been so strong for as long as Squall had known him. But what could he do? His hands ached to sooth away the pain, run his fingers through Seifer's golden hair and hold him, like Matron would when they were children. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer had always been so self-reliant, trying so hard to be a 'big-boy' and never cry or show fear. Maybe that's why Zell's freedom with his emotions had bothered Seifer so much. But even Seifer would get nightmares. And even Seifer would curl into the comfort of Matron's arms. 
>>> 
>>> Squall took a step forward his hand reaching towards Seifer's shuddering form. Carefully, not wanting to startle the sleeping blond, he rested it on Seifer's shoulder as he knelt beside the bed. It felt strange and yet right. Well, almost. It was like a ghost of rightness, begging for more. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer didn't stir, although his body flinched at the touch. Squall pulled his hand away like it had encountered a fragile glass artifact, too delicate and precious to risk shattering with a touch. But the 'rightness' lingered, and he longed to chase away Seifer's pain. 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer," he whispered. "It's me." 
>>> 
>>> Squall dared another touch and gently brushed his fingers through Seifer's hair. Pale silver-gold in the moonlight, it was so soft and warm, caressing his fingertips as they caressed Seifer. Definitely, he liked it longer. More to hold on to, to feel. And the sensation was mesmerizing, and seemed to relax Seifer as much as it relaxed him. 
>>> 
>>> Although still asleep, Seifer's trembling lessened, each stroke through the soft hair and each whisper of Squall's voice soothing away whatever darkness tormented Seifer's mind and his sleep. 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, it's me," Squall continued awkwardly, yet in a calming tone he was beginning to feel himself, then paused. His lips quirked into a frustrated grimace. "Hell, Seifer, I suck at this sort of thing. But..." His mind scrambled to remember all the words Matron would whisper in the dread still of night when his own nightmares had left him scared and alone; When he had let her chase away the monsters lurking under his bed and within his mind. "... there's nothing to be afraid of... not anymore..." 
>>> 
>>> "Squall?" A tired voice murmured. With a flutter of pale lashes, Seifer's eyes opened, glimmering in the moonlight and staring straight at Squall. 
>>> 
>>> "Yeah." His hand absently continued to brush through Seifer's hair. "Better?" 
>>> 
>>> Pale, bare skin peeking from under rumpled silk fall of his loose pajama top, Seifer's shoulder lifted in a weak shrug. He watched Squall with careful, moon-bright eyes. 
>>> 
>>> "I ... guess you were having a bad dream. You were... talking in your sleep." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer remained silent, just watching. 
>>> 
>>> "Well, if you're okay, I'll ... uh... let you ...uh...go back to sleep." 
>>> 
>>> As Squall began to struggle from his aching knees to his feet, a shaking hand grabbed his arm. Stalled, he glanced into Seifer's glittering eyes, a streak of silver forming on Seifer's skin like a wordless plea. Plea for what, Squall wasn't sure. 
>>> 
>>> He couldn't move, didn't know what to do. So he did nothing but stand there, studying Seifer's beautiful face in the silver light and the silver lines glimmering on his skin. The desolate sadness in those pale eyes clutched his heart and tightened until he felt like he couldn't breathe. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer. Such pain. Anguish. All of it Squall wanted to take away. To give back even just a small measure of happiness and life, if that was all which was possible, to bring the light back into Seifer's eyes. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer still said nothing, his gaze suddenly darting away, like the faint light or looking at Squall would burn him or bring him some greater torture. 
>>> 
>>> "P...please..." 
>>> 
>>> Something in the despair and dejection in Seifer's voice and on his face Squall didn't like. Didn't like at all. It went beyond hurting when Seifer hurt, hating to see Seifer suffering. Seifer wanted something, was begging for it, and Squall had a nagging fearful instinct of what it was. 
>>> 
>>> "What do you want from me?" Squall almost snapped. He didn't mean to but his throat was too tight to be any softer. 
>>> 
>>> "Please.." Seifer choked. "Let..." 
>>> 
>>> "No!" Damn him! How could Seifer ask such a thing? Why couldn't he see how essential, special,... needed... he was? Why? Why! 
>>> 
>>> "But... I..." 
>>> 
>>> "No! I won't." Squall dropped onto the edge of the bed and grabbed Seifer by the shoulders. "You promised me." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer blinked, a tear falling free of his lashes. 
>>> 
>>> "You promised me. No more letting them win! I won't have it! You're a fighter, Seifer. So fight." His grip on Seifer gentled and he took a deep breath. "I'll fight too." 
>>> 
>>> At that, Seifer broke, curling into himself and sobbing. 
>>> 
>>> Deed before thought, Squall sprawled himself over Seifer and drew him into a full embrace, arms wrapped around the shuddering form with a protective possessiveness which only surprised him by its naturalness, not its existence. Warmth to warmth, he held Seifer like he would never let go. And he wouldn't. 
>>> 
>>> "Together," Squall breathed fiercely into Seifer's ear. "... _we'll _win. Not them." 
>>> 
>>> ***** 
>>> 
>>> Seifer couldn't help himself. At the words brushing his ear, the last remnants of his control broke and like a floodgate, his emotions surged free, staining Squall's t-shirt with more tears than Seifer had ever known. He clung to the Squall, desperate; His whole world balanced in the arms around him. 
>>> 
>>> Suddenly, the arms vanished and the warmth left cold. Seifer could feel the fault-lines cracking his existence, streaking towards each other like falling stars to shatter him into infinite pieces. Had his soul a scream remaining within, he would have loosed it. Instead all he possessed was a silent whimper: 'No, no, no. Don't leave me. Please. Please, don't leave me...' 
>>> 
>>> Whether Squall somehow heard him, or actually had never intended to abandon him, the mattress shook with a shifting weight beside him and Seifer found himself gently drawn back to the warmth. Squall settled Seifer's head onto his chest, arms rewrapped around him, a soothing hand rubbing circles on his back. 
>>> 
>>> The tears poured down Seifer's face, pooling in damp patches that cooled his heated cheek. Words escaped him, although his throat was too tight and choked to have voiced them had he found any. He just lay overwhelmed by the dream holding him, his fingers curling tightly in the soft cloth of Squall's shirt. He felt home. 
>>> 
>>> "So what am I, Wark now?" Squall said, the rumbled chuckle beneath Seifer's cheek startling him. 
>>> 
>>> "Huh?" Seifer blinked and tilted his head to look up at Squall, meeting a hint of a smile. For him? 
>>> 
>>> The circles caressing his back became wandering, free-flowing lines. They were nearly the most wonderful sensation he had ever felt. And Squall, painted silver-blue with moonlight, and with the almost smile, so close to him, was the most wonderful, beautiful thing he had ever _seen_. 
>>> 
>>> "Your stuffed chocobo you had as a kid." 
>>> 
>>> "Y...You remember?" 
>>> 
>>> "You slept with it every night." Squall's mouth teased towards an amused smirk. "Kinda hard not to notice." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer was quiet for a moment, gazing at Squall with growing wonder. The soft expression on Squall's beautiful face dazzled him. To grasp just the edge of his deepest dream pulled him from the pit of his guilt and despair, for at least a blissful moment. The truth of Squall's intent was unimportant, only the warmth, the closeness, the feel of friendship. Only home. Tentatively, a faint, childlike grin crossed his lips. "You don't look like Wark though. Not like Zell." 
>>> 
>>> Squall grinned in return. "True. But Zell snores and can't sit still for more than five minutes. So..." In dramatic resignation, Squall sighed, his chest rising slowly then falling, shifting Seifer's head on its warm perch. Squall's hand on his back stilled and tugged him closer. "...So, sorry, you'll have to settle for me." 
>>> 
>>> Fingers settled in Seifer's hair, stroking through it, careful to not catch on any tangles. Soothing, calming, safe. Like Matron when he'd had a nightmare as a child. Yet, so not like Matron it somehow was more comforting. He could feel his eyes drifting closed, contentment whispering through him, but he didn't want to sleep and miss a single moment. Dreams always shattered and vanished too quickly. 
>>> 
>>> "Now go back to sleep," Squall said softly, the warmth of his breath ghosting over Seifer's skin. 
>>> 
>>> "But..." Seifer protested, straining to keep his eyes open and keep sleep away. 
>>> 
>>> "That's an order, _cadet_." Any forcefulness of Squall's command was lost in his gentle tone and the gentle rhythmic swirls of fingertips through the cloth of Seifer's pajama shirt and through the length of his hair. 
>>> 
>>> Drowning in the first fragment of happiness he had felt in a long while, Seifer unwillingly obeyed. Warm and safe, darkness embraced him and as he fell to sleep, he knew the nightmares couldn't touch him again until morning. 
>>> 
>>> ******* 
>>> 
>>> Seifer awoke suddenly to a touch on his arm. Sunlight, bright and warm, streamed through the window, blinding a white-red behind his eyelids as they tried to flicker open. Burying his face under an over-flung arm, he groaned, squinting his eyes tightly until they could bear the day. 
>>> 
>>> He had never been a morning person, although some might think otherwise. If he had to be awake at fuck-awful-early, he had found over-cheerful an amusing annoyance to everyone else who hated being awake as much as he did. Sometimes sacrifices must be made to his greater amusement. Besides, alternating on other mornings the grouchiness closer to his natural morning mood kept everyone off-balance and was damn entertaining to watch. 
>>> 
>>> As he slowly brought himself to awareness, beginning to decide which mood to go for, an ache of emptiness and a too cheerful voice definitely not his own or Squall's, jolted him with the reminder that he was no longer as he had been. And, the cool sheets under the blind flex of his free hand and the absence of whom he began to believe a dream which never became reality stabbed him with a loneliness as painful as the nightmares and dread memories tormenting each morning, each waking and unwaking moment of the past month, or more accurately, since Ultimecia had chosen him as her Knight. 
>>> 
>>> " 'Morning, Handsome," a distinctly feminine, giggly voice greeted, close. Too close. 
>>> 
>>> Carefully lifting his arm, he peeked from underneath, his eyes slowly focusing the dark blob in front of him into the brightly smiling face of Rinoa, the face he knew he would find. She was slightly bent over him, her dark eyes scrunched with her wide smile. 
>>> 
>>> "How ya feeling?" 
>>> 
>>> Seifer edged away from her, deeper onto his bed, his back hitting the headboard. The blue sheets tangled around his body, for once not the result of restless sleep. 
>>> 
>>> "Rinoa..." he whispered, his voice thick with sleep and fear, tugging his pajama shirt tightly about his body, his fingers white and clawing closed its open neck snug to his throat. 
>>> 
>>> Rinoa winked and landed with a playful plop on the edge of the bed. "I'm glad you're okay. You are, right? I couldn't believe when Squall told me... you know... what happened. I can't imagine anyone doing... you know... _that_... definitely not someone I know. Or _you_. Well, oh well, I'm glad Squall's at some meeting or other, or so Zell said, gives me a chance to visit with you and us have some fun and forget about all that ickiness." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer stared at her, eyes wide. What did she want? He just wanted to sleep and have Squall next to him, holding him, like his dream... 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, I'm sorry if I've hurt you in the past," she said quietly, her head bowed as she studied her clasped hands. "I didn't mean to. I think you're very special and I've always been attracted to you." Rinoa looked up at him from under her dark lashes and smiled. "Still _am _attracted to you." 
>>> 
>>> Why was she there? Why wouldn't she go? Leave him alone? Where was Squall? Why did he leave him? Alone? With her? "Squall..." 
>>> 
>>> "He doesn't understand me." Rinoa laid a hand on his knee, softly stroking his leg with her thumb, the cotton sheet rubbing the silk of his pajama pants rubbing his skin in a creepy tickle. 
>>> 
>>> A knot of nausea rumbled in his gut and a chill prickled his flesh. He felt sick. He didn't want her, or anyone, to touch him, only Squall, always only Squall. But fighting it was wrong. Or _was _wrong... Squall... 
>>> 
>>> "... He doesn't listen or show affection." Her fingers traced up his thigh. "Not like you do. I don't know why I didn't see it before." She shifted closer along the bed, bunching the sheets toward his hips. "But can we _not _talk about him? He's not here, you are... " 
>>> 
>>> Please go away! Go away. But it was only Rinoa. Rinoa wouldn't hurt him. Wouldn't... But it didn't stop the fear as her fingers crawled along his skin, even through the barrier of the sheets and his pajamas, slithering like tentacles, like something from his nightmares, like... 
>>> 
>>> "...And I want to talk about _you_ anyway." Her thumb brushed his cloth-covered groin as her hand traveled up and down his thigh. "...or _not _talk." 
>>> 
>>> "Please..." he whimpered. 
>>> 
>>> Please, no! He couldn't. Squall made him promise. And Seifer always kept his promises. Even if he didn't, he _had _to keep the one to Squall. He had to. But Rinoa. He had hurt Rinoa too, almost as much as Squall, forcing her into Adel's clutches, forcing her to merge with the evil sorceress. How could he ever atone for that? How could he ever do anything less than what she wanted? Squall loved her. And he loved Squall. So... 
>>> 
>>> She smiled, her dark lashes fluttering seductively, eyes clouding with lust. "You're so polite when you're hot. I like it. Very sexy. Very..." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer shuddered. 
>>> 
>>> ...So he couldn't hurt her. Or make her go away. He wanted her to go away, to leave him alone. But that would hurt her. And Squall would be hurt. And mad. He didn't want Squall mad. But if he broke his promise, Squall would be mad too. But Rinoa deserved what she wanted because he already had hurt her: And hurt Squall. He couldn't, but he had to. But he didn't want to make Squall mad. Not mad. Not hurt. Not... 
>>> 
>>> Squall... 
>>> 
>>> Squall... 
>>> 
>>> ...Squall... 
>>> 
>>> Trembling , he groaned, his mind swirling in confusion, catching him in a dizzying current to the haze static gray of oblivion, where no one could touch him, or hurt him, only his body. Only his body. 
>>> 
>>> (End Part 18)   

>>> 
>>> Author's Notes: This chapter is much longer than previous ones, mainly because I have determined to end the Arc with chapter 20 **and** I knew where I wanted to leave this one off. This one was a challenge on many levels. One, Squall being comforting. I wanted it to feel genuine and true to Squall. Two, Rinoa. Bleh. As much as I don't like her, I wanted to make sure to not treat her as a total negative in the final scene and at least get close to a fair characterization. Some may feel just having her do what she is doing is unfair to her, yet I think as self-absorbed and clueless as she can be it's not unreasonable that she would, particularly within the right circumstances. The final major challenge was Seifer, and keeping him as realistic as possible given all he's gone through. I didn't want it to seem like he's suddenly okay just because of a little snuggling with Squall. He's got a long way to go before he's himself again and that's what Arc 3 is for.
>>> 
>>> Thanks for patiently waiting for this chapter and the next should be available soon. I'm back to writing again and most of 19 is already written, at least with dialogue, which is usually the most complicated part.


	19. Reversals Part 19

> > > Warnings: Rinoa-bashing (mainly from character POV, although author did enjoy it too smirk>), foul language (a pissed Squall is a foul-mouthed Squall, and Squall's _really_ pissed. Could be worse... Seifer could be himself again **_and_** pissed.), yaoi/shounen ai (but if you got this far, you probably already know that grin>)... 
>>> 
>>> The Bloodcross Key: Reversals   
__by Lady Tempest 
>>> 
>>> **Part 19:**   

>>> 
>>> Squall let out a huff of breath as he waited for the door to whoosh open. His fingers twitched with impatience, still hovering over the electronic lock. Thank Hyne for Matron. If not for her, he didn't think Cid would have ever shut up. 
>>> 
>>> If he wasn't so anxious to get back to Seifer before the blond realized he was gone, he might have been more willing to concede Cid's long-winded concern and endless questions were, at the least, understandable, even to a degree, necessary. It wouldn't do to have the headmaster more clueless of what went on in his Garden than usual. And all the damn paperwork! Who would have thought giving up command could be more work than wielding it? 
>>> 
>>> But it was done with. Finally. Zell damn well have better stopped by while he was gone and checked on Seifer like he'd been told. When he'd had to leave, Seifer had been sleeping, a faint sweet smile on his lips. Soft... pink... God, Seifer was beautiful... and adorable: hair mussed and pure gold in the morning sun, his body in a child-like curl, covered in rumpled blue silk pajamas, and lying in peaceful oblivion, snuggling into the sunlit patch of warmth Squall had left on the sheets. All the scene had been missing was a ragged, yellow stuffed-chocobo tucked possessively in Seifer's arms. 
>>> 
>>> Squall rubbed his face with both hands as he stepped through the door. Fuck, what was wrong with him? He shook himself. How could that much ridiculous sap find its way into his head? Granted, Seifer was... 
>>> 
>>> A faint groan drifted from far across the room. 
>>> 
>>> ... Awake? 
>>> 
>>> Squall's hands fell to his side and he froze, his muscles tensed. The sight that met his eyes ignited a firestorm of blood-boiling anger within him. Rinoa sat half-straddled across Seifer's legs, while Seifer was leaned back against the headboard of the narrow bed. Although her arms moved in careful, slow motions, her body blocked the view of whatever she was doing. One thing was sure from wet sounds and panting: she was kissing Seifer. Deeply. Kissing Seifer! _Seifer_. His Seifer! His _wounded _Seifer! The bitch! 
>>> 
>>> "You fucking bitch!" he shouted and stormed towards them, his boots pounding heavily on the carpet with each furious step. 
>>> 
>>> Rinoa whirled around, her dark hair whipping across her paled face. "Squall!" she yelped, her eyes wide and white, except for two tiny dark dots. 
>>> 
>>> Her startled movement unveiled the actions of her hands, though paralyzed in shock. One of her manipulative hands had stilled in mid-stroke along Seifer's broad chest, bared through his half-unbuttoned shirt, thieving fingers on his naked skin. The other lay at the waistband of Seifer's blue pajamas, pressed against a patch of smooth stomach and the little of flesh below revealed by an undone button. 
>>> 
>>> "What the fuck are you doing!" Angry blood enflamed, his gloved fists quaked. However, his fury had yet to reach its peak. 
>>> 
>>> What rocketed Squall's thundering rage to pound inside his head like a thousand angry heartbeats was the look on Seifer's face, in his eyes: Terror. Sheer, absolute, paralyzing fear. Seifer's eyes had rolled back, only the barest sliver of pale blue-green visible under his frozen lashes and his head lolled slightly to the side. A faint whimper trembled from his ash pink lips. And worse still, plummeting Squall into a churning turmoil of fury and grief, those frightened lips seemed to form a single, heart-breaking plea: 'Squall'. 
>>> 
>>> Squall roughly snatched Rinoa by the arm and yanked her from Seifer and the bed. She landed with a teeth-jarring thump on the floor. But he didn't care. "Get out!" 
>>> 
>>> Her eyes hurt and still wide, she tried to regain her breath while Squall loomed over her like a tempest incarnate. "Squall!" she gasped. "It... It's not what you think..." 
>>> 
>>> "Out!" 
>>> 
>>> "It just happened. I..." 
>>> 
>>> "I don't give a fuck!" Squall seethed, his gloves creaking under the increasing tension of his clenching fists. "Get. Out." 
>>> 
>>> "Squall!..." Rinoa rose to her knees, pleading desperately. 
>>> 
>>> "Now!" 
>>> 
>>> "...Squall. Let me explain! There's just a connection between us. Seifer and I..." 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer and you nothing! You selfish bitch. You have no fucking idea the damage you've just done!" Squall's storming eyes closed as his breathing fumed through grinding teeth. "Now, get _out_!" Turning his back to Rinoa, not sparing her another word, he fell to Seifer's side, gently grasping the blond's pale face in his hands. "Seifer, can you hear me? It's okay now. Seifer." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer's chest rose, fell, rose, fell, rapid pants like the beating of rough waves onto a rocky shore. But nothing of awareness stirred in the blond. 
>>> 
>>> Snapping his fingers in front of Seifer's unseeing eyes, the dulled thump of leather on leather drew a grunt of irritation from Squall's throat,, and no response from Seifer. Squall tore off his gloves and flung them away. His hands shaking, he tried again with a crisp snap to gain Seifer's attention, and softly called once more, "Seifer, it's me." 
>>> 
>>> Squall's naked fingers caressed the damp skin of Seifer's cheek. Consciously or unconsciously, he willed the strange electric tingle brushing his fingertips like a slowly consuming kiss to jolt Seifer to awareness. To bring him back from whatever inner-world Seifer's mind had sent itself. With a retching stab in his gut, Squall's own mind flashed to a Seifer huddled on a floor, hands clawing in black carpet, and blue eyes dead and cold as ice. 
>>> 
>>> The fire of his anger flared, but the chill of those eyes and the desperate, soul-wrenching need to bring them back to life and warmth banished all else. 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer!" Squall choked out, as one hand threaded through Seifer's soft golden hair and the other gently slapped his cheek. "It's me. Come back." 
>>> 
>>> "W....what's wrong with him?" Rinoa's voice drifted from behind him, nervous, even terrified. 
>>> 
>>> He ignored her. Or more accurately, was only distantly aware of her, brushing off the sound like the buzz of a fly. 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer. Goddammit, snap out of it!" 
>>> 
>>> "W...what's wrong?" 
>>> 
>>> Again, he ignored the faint, irritating drone barely reaching his ears. 
>>> 
>>> "Squall!" her voice pitched high and shaky. 
>>> 
>>> Dammit! How the hell was Seifer supposed to hear him over her shrieking? It was pushing him away, making Seifer think he still wasn't safe. Squall could feel it, sense it, under his fingertips in the shivers and chill-bumps along Seifer's skin. If she would just shut up and go away... 
>>> 
>>> "Shut up, Rinoa! Shut the fuck up! And, Get. The. Fuck. Out!" 
>>> 
>>> "B...but, he was fine before. We were just..." 
>>> 
>>> "No." Squall whirled to glare dangerously over his shoulder at Rinoa, his furious brow tensed in a wrinkle and his lips pressed tight and pale. "He wasn't _fine,_" he hissed. "If you gave a shit about anyone other than yourself, you would have noticed that before you made it even worse!" While his every word, tone, and the tension in his face bore the bite of his anger, in unnerving contrast, his fingers never stilled from their soothing, caring strokes along Seifer's face. "Now _leave_!" 
>>> 
>>> "Oh." Rinoa clasped her hands over her mouth in shock and gasped, tears welling in her eyes. "I didn't mean to..." 
>>> 
>>> "Out!" Squall growled, then turned back to Seifer as if she had already left. He'd wasted enough time dealing with her and her pathetic excuses. 
>>> 
>>> "Seifer, it's me. It's alright now. Please. Come on, try to look at me," he urged gently. 
>>> 
>>> Seifer's golden lashes fluttered and his dulled aqua eyes drifted over to Squall, melting slowly into awareness. Squall's breath caught in his throat, in relief, he told himself; However, something more might have been a factor as well. Something deep, and mysterious, and frightening in its intensity. Something breath-taking in the brightness of light surging the thin, blue ring of Seifer's eyes over the void of black, like a tropical lagoon swelling with the tide, leaving a tiny island in a sea of luminous color. What that something was, how much of a factor, Squall was too preoccupied to explore. Yet, he was certain he had never witnessed anything as beautiful as those eyes, looking at him, with raw sadness, with naked trust. Safe. 
>>> 
>>> "S... Squall?" Seifer's voice was the barest breath, but Squall was close enough to still hear, and to feel it warm against his hand. 
>>> 
>>> "Yes, it's me. You're safe now." 
>>> 
>>> Seifer began quivering, his beautiful face drawn in misery. "I'm sorry, S... Squall. I didn't..." 
>>> 
>>> "Shhh. It's not your fault." Squall's fingers rose in their caress along Seifer's jaw, to his cheekbones, to his brow, brushing along the tight lines and furrows, smoothing away the tension. "Here, lie down for a while, okay?" He gently eased Seifer to lie down on the narrow bed, drawing the thin blanket over his trembling body. "You rest a while. I'll be here when you wake up. Okay?" 
>>> 
>>> Seifer snuggled drowsily against his pillow and nodded, a weak, child-like smile touching his lips. Then, his gaze not straying from Squall's face, he promptly closed his eyes and drifted into sleep. 
>>> 
>>> Squall sat perfectly still for a few moments, watching Seifer as he relaxed to sleep. A sting pricked around his eyes, and his vision blurred faintly as Seifer's fingers curled unconsciously over his. 
>>> 
>>> Claiming the role of a child-Seifer's stuffed chocobo had been a sort of joke, to lighten the mood, and ease Seifer from his nightmare, to bring a connection to comfort and safety both could relate to, understand; especially since, for himself, it was the only time of such things he could remember, even if vaguely. Likely, Seifer felt the same. And as Seifer's hand clung to his, the boy of his childhood was clearly before him, the gulf between that innocent boy and the shattered man vanished, at least for a little while. 
>>> 
>>> However, Seifer needed his sleep and Squall needed to sort through his anger, the tension of it knotting his shoulders, his neck, twisting his stomach. He sighed, gently unwrapping the fingers from his hand, and rose, careful to not disturb his friend. After drawing the curtains together to block the bright morning sun, and sparing a last glance at the golden head and sweet face resting on his pillow, Squall turned and noticed Rinoa standing frozen near the doorway, her dark eyes wide. 
>>> 
>>> "I thought I told you to leave!" he snarled, the low volume of his voice more than capable to carry his scorn. 
>>> 
>>> "I... I..." she stuttered, staring at the sleeping blond. "W... what's the matter with him?" 
>>> 
>>> Squall stalked towards her. "Out! Now!" 
>>> 
>>> "But... I want to know what's going on! I deserve to know! You.." 
>>> 
>>> Clutching her by the arm, Squall tugged her towards the door. "Outside. You want to talk, well, we're going to talk." 
>>> 
>>> Rinoa nodded nervously and followed him out into the hall, not that he gave her much choice. After the door slid shut behind them, Squall leaned against it, his arms crossing his chest and scowled at Rinoa. 
>>> 
>>> She peered about nervously. At the far end of the corridor, an Instructor strolled along the connecting hall, passing the intersection and continuing on, not even glancing their way. "Shouldn't we go.. uh.... somewhere more...private?" 
>>> 
>>> "Right here is fine. I'm not leaving him alone with the state he's in. The state _you _put him in," he accused with a snarl. 
>>> 
>>> "What did I do?" she cried, shaking her head, her dark hair falling across her shoulders. "We were just kissing and ....well... and he was... enjoying it so much... and.... things just... Well... I was tired of being lonely, Squall. I'm sorry I hurt you, but..." 
>>> 
>>> "You didn't _hurt _me Rinoa," Squall sneered, grunting. "...Not like you think. You hurt _him _though." 
>>> 
>>> Blankly, Rinoa blinked. "But... he..." 
>>> 
>>> "And what made you think he wanted it, hmm?" 
>>> 
>>> Her confusion washed away to indignation, and she planted her hands on her hips. "Well, just because _you _don't, doesn't mean a handsome guy like Seifer wouldn't want me!" 
>>> 
>>> "Rinoa." Squall shook his head with an angry sigh, like he was speaking to an exceptionally dense, petulant child. "Just because a guy doesn't _stop _you, doesn't always mean they _want _you. Even 'a handsome guy like Seifer'." 
>>> 
>>> "What do you mean? He was very gentle and..." 
>>> 
>>> "And what?" he mocked in spitting, sarcastic contempt. "Passive maybe? Compliant? Or maybe 'catatonic' is the word you're looking for?" 
>>> 
>>> "No... willing," she replied defiantly. "Believe it or not, willing! And... and... _responsive_!" 
>>> 
>>> Squall laughed, a dark, dangerous sound. "He was anything but, Rinoa. Did you even bother to look beyond what you wanted and look at _him_? Look at his face? And look at the terror in his eyes? He was scared, Rinoa, not willing. You nearly raped him." 
>>> 
>>> Her hand flew delicately to her face as she gasped in horror. "What?! No! I... I..." 
>>> 
>>> "Yes, Rinoa. In your attempts to try to get even or get me jealous or whatever the fucking hell pathetic scheme this was a part of, you nearly raped Seifer Almasy." 
>>> 
>>> "But, that's not..." 
>>> 
>>> "No, that's what it was. I saw what you didn't want to; What didn't fucking fit into your perfect little rosy world of Rinoa. And it's not pretty, and it's not nice, and it's not what _he _wanted." 
>>> 
>>> Rinoa's dark eyes darted about nervously, seeming to be afraid to alight on Squall. Well, she damn sure better be afraid! And anyone else who hurt Seifer! The only thing saving her at the moment was that she was Rinoa. Anyone else would be on intimate terms with his fists. 
>>> 
>>> "I know, he..." 
>>> 
>>> Know? "Know? You _know_? You don't _know _shit! Your pampered ass could _never _imagine the hell he's been through. Not that it would matter. You _did _know he tried to kill himself, and look how 'concerned' you were. He was in no condition to say 'no' to you and you didn't even fucking notice. Or care." 
>>> 
>>> "I..." Tears welled in her eyes and fell down her cheeks. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 
>>> 
>>> "That's not good enough. I'm sick and tired of you so set on getting what you want when you want it that you don't give a shit for what other people might want. Or _not _want. Like me. Like _Seifer_." 
>>> 
>>> "I'm so sorry." 
>>> 
>>> "Are you? Or are you sorry I'm disgusted with you? Sorry your precious little 'destined' romance is as good as shit under your precious little designer shoes? Sorry your pathetic little plan to get me jealous fucking backfired?" 
>>> 
>>> "I...It...it's not..." 
>>> 
>>> Squall lifted his hand to brush away the rest of her words. What she had to say didn't matter. There was no excuse, no explanation, that would erase what she had done. That would erase the pain and torment Seifer had suffered at the hands of someone he thought he could trust. That they both thought they could trust. "Whatever. It's over, Rinoa." 
>>> 
>>> "What? Please, don't say that!" she sobbed. 
>>> 
>>> "_Sorry_. I'm through saying what you want me to and doing what you want me to regardless of what _I _want. I think Seifer's a good example of you not giving a fuck for anyone else but yourself." 
>>> 
>>> "That's not true! It's not! You..." 
>>> 
>>> "Whatever..." 
>>> 
>>> "Squall, no! I didn't... I... I'm n...not... horrible. I wouldn't..." 
>>> 
>>> Squall scowled at her, his silence as accusing and angry as any of his words. 
>>> 
>>> "Please, say you don't hate me? That we can work things out?" 
>>> 
>>> He looked away, his arms folded stiffly across his chest, his jaw set in furious tension. But still, he didn't speak, too angry and overwhelmed for words. He didn't want to 'work things out'. Maybe he never did. And after what she had done to his Seifer, how could he? It would be like another betrayal, and Seifer had been hurt and betrayed more than anyone could ever deserve, except the bastards that broke him. 
>>> 
>>> A SeeD in full uniform turned the corner and began walking down the hallway, towards them and one of the dorms. The young man glanced in their direction, on the verge of flashing a smile, but it and him froze at the cold glare Squall shot him. Squall wanted him to go away. Wanted everyone to just fucking go away! 
>>> 
>>> Apparently, the SeeD heard Squall's unspoken command and fled back the way he had come, peering nervously over his shoulder as he turned the corner. I Inwardly, Squall smirked with cold satisfaction. 
>>> 
>>> "Squall! Please!" 
>>> 
>>> He dropped his head back against the door, and stared at the ceiling and the muted lights overhead, trying to tune out Rinoa's pathetic, distraught pleas. How many times did Seifer beg her to stop? Or did he? Outwardly? Seifer was so shattered and confused, his sense of self-preservation broken, he might not have known what to do. How could she have been so blind? How could _he_? 
>>> 
>>> "Please! Don't hate me!" 
>>> 
>>> Rolling his eyes, wearied, Squall sighed. "I don't hate you, Rinoa. I'm angry." 
>>> 
>>> Her face lightened a little, a hopefulness blinking hesitantly through her tears. 
>>> 
>>> "But _no_, we can't work things out." 
>>> 
>>> "Why not? If it's because..." Her eyes falling in shame, she started to take a step toward him. 
>>> 
>>> But he halted her with a dark look, his entire being exuding the danger of a Bomb on its last countdown. "You want something from me I can't give you, and I'm tired of trying." 
>>> 
>>> "Squall, please, I know we can make it work." 
>>> 
>>> "No, Rinoa. I'm not what you really want. I never was." 
>>> 
>>> "How can you say that?" She clasped her hands in front of her breasts, like she was praying. 
>>> 
>>> Yet, regardless of how much she might want otherwise, it would be a hopeless prayer. It was over. Finally. As it should have been before it started. And nothing would change his mind, not even divine intervention... 
>>> 
>>> "I care about you, Squall. I love you." 
>>> 
>>> ... Not even meaningless declarations of love and _caring_. His eyes narrowing and his fingers digging into the leather of his jacket, Squall stared her down, the sway of his bangs in the circulating air giving the illusion of a disapproving nod. He was weary and drained, the emotion which had been driving him numbed, leaving behind his usual impassive mask. But even frost can bite. 
>>> 
>>> "I've seen how you 'care'." 
>>> 
>>> "Dammit, I said I was sorry," she snapped, hurt. 
>>> 
>>> Squall closed his eyes. He was tired. Tired of her. Tired of her excuses. Tired of her thinking three little words would solve anything, would erase what she had done. Tired of seeing misery and pain in Seifer's eyes. Tired of failing, and Seifer suffering for it. Tired of being angry, but unwilling to give it up, because his anger wasn't only his own. Until Seifer was himself again, he would carry it for the both of them. "You're apologizing to the wrong person." 
>>> 
>>> She took a cautious step forward. "Then I'll tell him too." 
>>> 
>>> His eyes flashed open. "No." 
>>> 
>>> "But..." 
>>> 
>>> "I said, 'No'." 
>>> 
>>> Her mouth opened to protest once more, but he interrupted her. 
>>> 
>>> "No! You've disturbed him enough. Let it go. For now." 
>>> 
>>> "Does that mean you forgive me?" 
>>> 
>>> "No." 
>>> 
>>> "Please, Squall." Rinoa reflexively reached for him, to touch him on the arm, but stopped and drew her hand back to her chest. "Don't hate me. I love you. And we did have some wonderful times together, right?" 
>>> 
>>> "Maybe," he muttered with a shrug. "But too many of what you consider 'wonderful times' was me forcing myself to be something I'm not. You _forcing _me. I can't do that anymore. I _won't _do that anymore. " 
>>> 
>>> "I just wanted you to show how you felt, to just be with me, and care about me, like I care about you, and show it." 
>>> 
>>> He sighed. "I'm not that kind of person , Rinoa." 
>>> 
>>> "But you _can_ be with Seifer?" 
>>> 
>>> "Huh?" Blinking, his brows scrunching together, he stared at her like she was daft. "That's different. He's a friend and he needs me." 
>>> 
>>> "_I _need you, Squall. Why can you give _him _what you won't give _me_?" 
>>> 
>>> "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. It's not even the same thing. And stop bringing him into this. It's not about him, it's about us." 
>>> 
>>> "And why not?" Tilting her head to the side, she frowned. "You seem to have no problem finding time for him, and showing him caring and tenderness." 
>>> 
>>> Once more finding the heat of his anger, Squall pushed off the door to loom over her, arms still across his chest. "I don't think you're in any position to comment on how _I _treat Seifer." 
>>> 
>>> "I saw how you were with him." she accused, her voice tight and shrill. "I always have to drag that sort of response from you. And you just give it to him. For no reason!" 
>>> 
>>> Fucking bitch! No reason? His fingers clenched with the desire to wring her neck. "No reason? No _reason_! Well, unlike _you_, he deserves it! And he doesn't fucking beg for it, unlike a spoiled bitch who can't get fucking enough of getting everyfuckingthing she wants, including a relationship I never fucking wanted, she has to get friends to fucking nag me into it!" 
>>> 
>>> Placing her fists on her hips, she flipped her hair over her shoulder with a defiant toss of her head. "Maybe if you weren't such a heartless bastard, I wouldn't have to!" She paused, her dark eyes widening, shining with a sudden awareness, and lively with bitterness. "But then, seeing you with him, maybe you aren't so heartless, maybe I'm just the wrong sex!" 
>>> 
>>> What the fuck did she just say? Was she implying... "What the fuck are you trying to imply, Rinoa?" 
>>> 
>>> "I'm not _implying _anything!" she replied with mock sweetness. "I'll just say it: you're _gay_." 
>>> 
>>> Squall blinked, eyes wide and incredulous. "_You're _crazy!" he laughed, dark and more of a grunted chuckle. She was absolutely insane. Gay? Him? Crazy! As if that somehow absolved her of all blame for the damage she had done. For hurting Seifer. "I'm not even going to dignify such a stupid comment by even discussing it!" 
>>> 
>>> "Why? Afraid it's true? Or that _now _the truth's out?" she smirked. 
>>> 
>>> If what she said wasn't enough to piss him off, the sheer smugness more than made up for it. But he wasn't going to play her idiot game, or let it get to him. He had better things to do and better people to do it with. 
>>> 
>>> "Whatever." 
>>> 
>>> "I knew it!" 
>>> 
>>> "_I _knew you weren't too bright," he replied dryly. "...but do you have _any _brain-cells to rub together in that empty head of yours?" 
>>> 
>>> "Being mean doesn't change the truth, _Squall_." 
>>> 
>>> Squall threw his arms upward in exasperation. "For fuck's sake! I'm not gay!" 
>>> 
>>> "Whatever," she mocked. 
>>> 
>>> "That's all the proof I need that there's nothing I ever want to fix, if I can't help out a friend without you accusing me of being gay." 
>>> 
>>> "And why does it have to be _you _always helping him? I thought you hated him?" 
>>> 
>>> "Where the hell does everyone get that fucking idea! I _never _hated him, I even said so. Just no one seems to ever listen to what I actually _say_!" He wanted to beat his head against the wall. It would be more productive than what was passing for a conversation with Rinoa. And at least it would be more direct and morbidly satisfying than mentally bashing his head against a far denser wall of Rinoa's fantasy world. 
>>> 
>>> "But you never _say _anything! It's always 'whatever' or gloomy silence! And you didn't answer me: why _you_?" 
>>> 
>>> "Why? Why! You want why? Well, maybe because _I _fucking want to. _I _choose to. Or maybe because of things you would never understand since you had a family and people to care about you but were too spoiled and self-absorbed to appreciate it. He needs _me, _and in the end that's all that really matters." 
>>> 
>>> "And why do you think that is, Squall?" she said with an accusatory tone. "Hmm?" 
>>> 
>>> Yep, just a few smacks. Might even be pleasant. Comparatively. Not like the wall could be as dense. "Whatever..." 
>>> 
>>> "Yeah, 'whatever'." 
>>> 
>>> He'd had more of their 'conversation' than he could stand. _And _he'd left Seifer alone longer than he'd wanted. Running his hand through his chestnut hair, his fingers curling at his scalp in the urge to claw out every strand in frustration, he let out a deep sigh. "Look, I don't want to talk about this right now. You're angry.." 'Fucking nuts' was more accurate. "I'm angry, and I need to get back inside before he wakes up." 
>>> 
>>> "Sure, whatever. You just go back to him and give him everything you won't give me. Hell, _fuck _him for all I care!" 
>>> 
>>> His hands twitched, wanting to slap her, yet fortunately for her, she spun around and stalked away before Squall could act on it. 
>>> 
>>> Bitch! How dare she say that! About Seifer! How could she? He thought she had cared for Seifer once, even loved him. But to be so cruel, insensitive to all Seifer had suffered and was still suffering, Squall couldn't believe even she could be _that _self-absorbed. It didn't take an Esthar scientist to realize something was dreadfully wrong with his gorgeous friend. How could she have not noticed how gone Seifer was? How much he wasn't himself? 
>>> 
>>> If only he had found Seifer sooner, saved him from that hell, maybe... Maybe... Maybe... 
>>> 
>>> Oh, shit! Rinoa! It was because of her that Seifer had even been found. Because of her he had Seifer back, safe. Finally safe. Because of her... 
>>> 
>>> "Rinoa, wait!" he called, a pang of guilt caught in his throat. 
>>> 
>>> She turned, her angry tear-filled eyes softening to a hopeful sadness. 
>>> 
>>> "Thank you." 
>>> 
>>> She blinked, her mouth hanging slightly open in surprise. "F..for what?" 
>>> 
>>> "Helping me. Without you, I might have never found Seifer, or not in time to save him." 
>>> 
>>> She nodded. "I do care about him too, you know. And... and I didn't..." 
>>> 
>>> "I know," he said quietly. "I'm still angry, but I know. Thanks. And... I... am sorry about us. You should find someone who doesn't have to be someone he's not to be with you. We just aren't meant to be like you wanted us to be." 
>>> 
>>> "I know," she sighed. "It hurts, but I know." She flashed a weak but genuine smile then turned and walked away.   

>>> 
>>> (End Part 19) 
>>> 
>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
**Author's notes: **This chapter started out as at least 6 pages of just dialogue. I hope the flow between narrative and dialogue is somewhat smooth, as I filled in the narrative after, and a few spurts of dialogue where I felt it was needed. Although that is how I usually handle chapters, this one had far more than I'm used to, and to be honest, it got overwhelming and I got sick of looking at it.
>>> 
>>> First, Squall's reaction to Rinoa 'accusing' him of being gay isn't meant as an insult to homosexuality and I hope no one takes it that way. I have been building slowly to Squall discovering and getting in touch with his true feelings, and he isn't quite there yet. Yes, he's had homoerotic dreams, and romantic thoughts for Seifer, hell, he almost kissed him, but he hasn't let himself accept it yet. His reaction is more out of being confronted with the truth he isn't ready to admit, than him taking offense at the idea of being gay. (See, I've made Rinoa not _completely_ clueless....more on this in the final chapter grin>) 
>>> 
>>> Anyway, I had this chapter in mind when I began Arc 2, and much of the dialogue was written early on. I wanted to be relatively fair to the charcterization of Rinoa, but since I do see her as manipulative, immature, and self-absorbed, oh, and pushy, that of course colored how I dealt with the circumstances in this chapter and the end of the last one. I have kept in mind comments about her handling well Squall's true feelings (even if he still is clueless about some of them.) and have tempered a few lines to reflect that. Keep in mind Squall and Rinoa are arguing, he's beyond pissed and she's hurt and confused. Neither of them are behaving at their best through this chapter, although they have their moments. Squall may seem overly harsh with her, but he's angry, and although he seems to have forgotten the affection he did have for Rinoa, I haven't. I'll probably deal with the status of their relationship in Arc 3. Don't worry, there's no chance in hell they're getting back together. (Especially since I'm of the strong opinion that they were never compatible.) But there is a friendship that can be salvaged, once both their tempers have calmed. Sorry for the ramble, but it's something I felt I should make clear. shrug> 
>>> 
>>> Well, now there's just one more chapter and Arc 2 will be complete. I hope you've enjoyed the ride so far, and I hope part 20 will be worth all the intense angst. No sex. (Not until well into Arc 3 and not necessarily graphic.) But it should be sweet, and satisfying on some level. No Rinoa, for starters... evil grin> 
>>> 
>>> Thanks for all the comments I've recieved, they make my day, each one, and give that extra boost to keep going, even when the story is driving me crazy. Thanks!!!! 
>>> 
>>> ~Lady Tempest


	20. Reversals Part 20a

  


__   
_Author's Notes_: Sorry for the _very_ long delay in getting this last part written.The final chapter I see as the most important. I want it to live up to what the reader hoped. I wanted it to be just 'right' and 'feel' right. The tone needed a lot of work and I fumbled with it for a while. I think I finally captured what I was looking to the end to be. It's long though. At 11 pages it's only a _portion_ of the rest of chapter 20 (about 18 pages total), which I've broken up into parts 'A and 'B. I should have 'B by tomorrow. 

**The Bloodcross Key: Arc 2: Reversals**   
_by Lady Tempest_

* * *

  
Part 20-a:   


Squall sighed, leaning against the door, and staring at the ceiling of his room. Tendrils of sunlight leaked over the top of the curtains to bleed pale gold across the plaster above him, twining and melding with shadows. Bright flecks of dust danced and glittered in the light to fade to nothing when they floated into the dull gray gloom. 

He thumped the back of his head into the door; Again and again and again, like the beat of some primitive drum or a nervous heart. Again. And again. All his frustration, anger, confusion, weariness, he sought to knock away, dislodge from his mind and leave him in some semblance of peace. 

Squall just wanted the day to end; to be swallowed up into the darkness around him, where his life could be simpler. Less complicated, less populated, with things he couldn't control or understand. Or where he curl up in warmth and forget about the demands on him. Where he could be just himself. He had never wanted to be commander, or headmaster, or boyfriend. Well... not _her _boyfriend. 

Yet, the need to not be alone, to be wanted, quivered under his skin, in his blood. And that need came crashing into a wall of ice, of protection. Squall could never trust anyone. Couldn't dare. Only himself. Only he could be depended on. To leave himself open, was not only foolish but dangerous. No matter how much Rinoa pushed or claimed to love him, and most times they were one and the same, there was always a sense that he was losing something: his wants, his needs, his thoughts... him. And in it's place was _her_, and his real fear that when she left -- and she would-- she took all of him with her, letting Squall only keep his loneliness. 

But with her finally gone, at _his _hand, _his _choice, he found he had kept himself, protected what was his. Truly, her betrayal of him was meaningless, a nothing. Not painful and not numbed, just... just whatever. Or... free. That was it: free. He felt _free_. Unchained. Alone again. And oddly, the loneliness was only a faint twinge, a tug drawing him. Drawing him to himself, yet also not _him_self, to... to... 

His head stilled and lolled to his shoulder as his gaze fell to his bed and the young man lying in it. In the gray-blue duskiness, Seifer was a long, dark lump under his blanket. At least he seemed to be resting peacefully, like Squall had left him earlier, before his meeting. Quiet. Calm. Safe. _Safe_... 

Squall's teeth ground together as his jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed. No, Rinoa's betrayal wasn't in her attempt to cheat on him with Seifer, but in her _using _Seifer. Like a fucking toy. Like those bastards had. Only caring for what they wanted and not giving even a moments concern for what Seifer wanted, or felt, or needed. Seifer was just a thing to them. To all of them, including Rinoa. She used him. And how much further would she had gone if Squall hadn't interrupted? 

His anger flared anew. Stupid, selfish girl! Rinoa's violation of Seifer's trust, of _his _trust, shadowed any betrayal of their relationship. Hurt Seifer, and nothing else mattered. Nothing. Hopefully, it would fall on Seifer's already existing scars and not inflict new and deeper wounds. If Seifer got worse... if he tried to... again... 

Squall shuddered. His hands clawed into the leather sleeves of his jacket as he wrapped his arms around himself, instinctively warming his body from the cold. However, the cold wasn't from without, but within. The fear and pain of nearly losing a part of himself, especially the part Seifer had become, strangled his chest, choking. 

It was all too much. He didn't know what to do. Overwhelmed, drowning in intensity of emotion he wasn't accustomed to, he was pulled every which way by forces beyond his control. Too much had happened, world-shattering things. Or at least _his _world. A world of ice and cold and protection, already vulnerable to the fire of a blue-eyed sun, crumbling under the stresses and calamities of the past month, was rupturing, dying. The molten heat at its core oozed through each crack and crevice and he couldn't keep it back, keep it inside... control it. It was too much. All too much... 

He'd never admit it to anyone, barely even himself: he was afraid. Terrified. He'd come too close too often to losing... Seifer. Forever. In one way or another. And it terrified him. What if she had dealt the final blow? If Seifer had been pushed over an edge there was no climbing up from... 

"S... Squall?" 

Squall blinked. Like being splashed with ice-water, with a startled twitch he pulled back from within to focus on the room outside him and the form stirring on his bed. Fingers stiffening to dig into his crossed arms, head bowed to his chest, he gasped for air and struggled to calm his racing heart. 

"Hmm?" 

Seifer emerged from the blanket, his hair pale in the gloom, and drowsily rubbed his eyes. "S... Squall?" the blond murmured, slightly hoarse. 

For a breath's pause, Squall let the pulls of a smile warm his face. Let it, or rather a boyishly adorable and _safe _Seifer, slowly wash away some of his anxiety, his anger. With a shove off from the door, Squall crossed the room in quick strides. 

"I'm here," he replied with as much Matron-like reassurance as he could summon -- which wasn't as encouraging as he'd have liked considering the confusion and turmoil churning about in his mind, like dried leaves in a storm. "Something wrong?" 

Binding the blanket tightly around himself in quaking hands, Seifer's wide eyes glinted with the sunlight peeking from behind the edge of the curtain. Like liquid gold, the light dripped along his neck and down his back, quivering in sharp waves, back and forth, in and out, with Seifer's every gasping breath. 

"W... what..." Seifer croaked. "W... what w... was that noise?" 

Halting a pace or two from his bed, Squall glanced about him, a wary frown on his lips. "What noise?" 

"B... b... banging." 

"Oh," Squall replied with a sheepish almost-chuckle, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Uh,... my head." Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea after all? It hadn't made him feel any better, and instead he only looked like a complete idiot. To Seifer too. _And _he had disturbed Seifer's much needed sleep. 

Seifer blinked. "Your ... head?" 

"Uh, yeah." 

"Oh ...okay." Seifer went quiet. 

Watching each shadow of expression flitter across Seifer's face, Squall waited, expectant. He could sense it lingering in Seifer's easy acceptance. The old Seifer was there, trying to step through the door Squall had opened, -- 'Squall is a moron' -- but the hurt and fear sent him running instead. 

Seifer remained silent, pained blue eyes tensed, corners of his mouth twitching to a frown, which had for a fraction of time appeared to want a grin. Except, the moment had passed, leaving a defeated sorrow in its wake. 

Squall sighed and dropped lightly onto the edge of his bed, cradling his head in weary hands. What a fool. He was as much a moron as his father. And just as selfish as Rinoa. Seifer was hurting, reeling from a violation of trust, and all he could think about was his own confusing feelings; And wanting Seifer to be like he had been. Wanting the sly, amused glimmer in Seifer's stunning blue eyes; wanting the humor, the strength, the arrogance, the taunt, the l-... 

...But what Seifer needed was comfort, caring, and Squall had no clue how to give it. He fumbled along, snatching the distant memories of Matron, hoping he got it right. But it all seemed pointless. How could he possibly help anyone, when he was lucky to help himself? 

"So, why?" Seifer asked quietly. 

"Huh?" Lowering his hands onto his lap, Squall lifted his head, and peered, dazed, blinking, through his errant bangs. 

*********** 

Seifer's fingers relaxed their grip on the blanket wrapped tightly around him. Squall so close and warm, bodyheat seeping through the bedcovers and into his thigh, sent a shiver through his skin. He didn't deserve it, but it felt safe. Squall felt safe. Even if he was acting strangely. "Why were you..." 

"Oh." Squall shrugged. "Just going crazy." 

Crazy? Seifer bowed his head, staring quietly at his trembling hands. It was all his fault. It wasn't enough that his own mind was driven over the edge, he had to drag Squall with him. He knew he was a burden. Always screwing up. Always causing trouble. Always making everyone's lives more difficult. "I... I'm sorry..." 

"What? " 

"I'm sorry." He wrung and twisted the blanket in his clawed fingers. Pathetic. So pathetic. "I'm so pathetic. I..." 

"Seifer," Squall's voice rose in gentle warning "You're not! And it's not your fault. If anything, it's mine." 

Squeezing his eyes tight, Seifer bit his quivering lip, trying to shut out the rising sting of tears. How could it be Squall's fault? How could anything be Squall's fault? _He _was the screw-up, the villain, the monster. Not Squall! 

"I'm so sorry... I..." His throat hurt. Stretched, twisting, constricting like it was being crushed in razor-sharp claws, his voice was barely a squeaked croak. 

It was all wrong. Everything was wrong. Everything was his fault. Always his fault. Why couldn't Squall see that? All he was good for was hurting people, even when he didn't mean to. Even when he was trying to do the right thing. It all went wrong. He was bad. Had always been bad... 

"Hey..." Squall's hand rested lightly on his knee, much like Rinoa's had. But it didn't feel the same. It should, but it didn't. The warmth soaking into him from Squall's oddly gentle fingers stung as much as Squall's words. "I told you it wasn't your fault. Don't worry about it." 

He opened his blurred eyes and stared at Squall's hand in a flurry of horror and desperate longing. It gently squeezed, thumb brushing up and down his knee in soft, short strokes. Its very tenderness brought another sort of pain: Pain for its sweetness; Pain for its forgiveness; Pain for his want of it. 

How could Squall stand to touch him? How could Squall not blame him? Seifer had betrayed him! Betrayed the promise and Squall's trust, Squall's relationship, Squall's kindness, Squall. Everything! Everyone and everything. As he always did and always would until someone had the sense to just let him fucking die! He could never do anything right. Never! He was an eternal fuck-up... 

"But... but ... I... I can't do anything right. I always fuck up!" Seifer cried, pounding a quivering fist against the mattress. "I know what you said and I tried but I didn't want to hurt her and you'd be mad at me and I didn't want you mad at me and I... I... I'm so sorry...please don't be mad....I'm sorry... I'm so fucking pathetic... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." 

Squall leaned towards him, hand still on his knee, and reaching out with the other, lifted Seifer's chin. Their eyes met. 

"Stop it," Squall said, cupping Seifer's face firmly in his hands and staring into Seifer's eyes. Squall's own gray-blue were darker in the gloom, but glittered strangely like with tiny stars in a twilight sky. 

Seifer couldn't breathe, and couldn't look away. A blend, in those eyes, in Squall's voice, in Squall's beautiful face, of the stern Garden Commander and the caring friend in his dreams held him as securely, and as bewildered, as the gentleness in Squall's hands. 

Squall continued in a soothing whisper, "You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at _her _for hurting you."   
  
What? But... "But... but I know you love her and..." 

Squall shook his head. "I don't." 

What! Seifer blinked, his golden brows crinkling in confusion. That couldn't be! He couldn't mean... Squall _had _to love her. It was the only right thing. For them both to be happy after all he had done to them. Squall _had _to. Had to! He was a nothing. Nothing important at all. Nothing worth anyone's anger, unless it was directed _at him_. He had destroyed too many things and too many people, he couldn't destroy them too. Not them! He could never forgive himself. 

Not that he could forgive himself before. Just one more precious thing piled on the endless list of other precious things he ruined and defiled. And the eyes. The eyes. Thousands of them. Staring. Leering. Hating. And hands. Hands clawing at him, digging into him,. Filthy. Sick. Vile... He shivered, nausea churning his gut. Squall should get away from him before it was too late. Before he destroyed everything that ever mattered. 

Grabbing Squall's wrists, Seifer tried to squirm free of the brunet's hold, trembling and blurry-eyed. Squall had to let go. He would get dirty. All dirty. All his fault... 

But Squall refused to release him, instead firming his grip, his storm-blue eyes steadfastly boring into Seifer. Boring into his soul. A thing the blond thought too corrupted, too broken, if not completely destroyed, to ever be touched by anything good and beautiful again. 

Hands shaking and eyes wide, Seifer stared at the brunet, desperate. His head ached, tension wrinkling his brow. And Squall shook his head and _smiled_. A pleased, amused, yet cryptic smile. Like someone who knew a secret. 

Seifer blinked, his mouth gone dry. His heart skipped a beat or two as his initial distress and confusion gave way to a burst of awareness. The daze began to clear and his jaw dropped slack, his hands too, from Squall's wrists, onto the cool bunch of sheets in his lap. And he was left in even greater confusion. 

Smiling? Squall was _smiling_. Smiling. Smiling! At him? 

More surprising, the smile brightened, broadened. What could there be to smile about? Especially for someone to whom 'Ice Prince' was taken as a compliment? Squall _must _be going crazy. 

"I don't love her, Seifer," Squall finally whispered, like he was revealing a great, wonderful secret. "Not like you mean..." His thumbs slowly caressed Seifer's face. "... or she wanted."   
  
Not like...? Squall didn't? The thumping of his heart quickened, suddenly plummeting to ricochet, thrumming, off his insides. _Didn't_? But... "Oh." Seifer blinked again, his lashes and their shadows like butterfly wings against his blushing cheeks. 

Squall's smile eased into a pleased smirk. His slender eyebrow arched and a mischievous twinkle shone in his smoky blue eyes. 

"Yeah, 'Oh'." Squall's fingers smoothed through Seifer's hair. 

Seifer bit his lip, catching a gasp in his throat. Lashes drooping, heart tripping a frantic beat, his skin flushed hot and tingled under Squall's mesmerizing touch. It was wonderful, like a dream. 

But... No! He had to resist. Squall was good and beautiful. Had to be kept clean Kept from _him_. And... and otherwise foolish hope could creep in, and he couldn't fight anymore. Not that. And not this. Not anymore. Not when he wanted it so much and could never deserve it. He was filthy. Bad. He couldn't be happy. Couldn't be allowed to be. It was wrong... 

"We broke up, you know," Squall said casually. 

What! 

Seifer blinked once more, his aqua eyes startled and child-like wide. "Oh..." All he could do was stare and blink, his mind and lips stunned into silence. 

Squall chuckled. "If you like, I can lend you a few other vowels. Maybe a consonant or two. You might be able to make a _whole _word." 

Swallowing, throat dry and scratchy, Seifer tried to open his mouth, to speak. But nothing came. Not even the squeak he was afraid had latched onto his voice. They were both silent for several moments. Squall's hands rested on both of Seifer's shoulders, fingers trailed lightly up and down his neck, raising blissful chills along his skin. 

"Why?" Seifer forced himself to ask. Thankfully, the squeak lodged in his throat had loosened into a husky croak. 

Another chuckle. "Wow. At least you've gotten to Zell's vocabulary. Though 'yo' doesn't fit you," Squall smirked. 

Seifer just stared. A distant part of him had the urge to join in Squall's teasing. Wanted to enjoy it, like he wanted to enjoy Squall's uncharacteristic comforting touches. But that part had to stay locked away, with the part of him that hoped and dreamed. 

The humor faded from Squall's grin. With a deep breath, he slid his hands from Seifer's shoulders and dropped them and his gaze to his lap. As Squall watched his fingers splay over his thighs while he smoothed his palms up and down the slick leather of his pants, he took another deep breath. 

His eyes lifted to peer at Seifer through the curtain of his dark bangs and he finally spoke, whispered, "Why? Because I had enough. Because I let it go on too long when it never should have started. She and I were never 'right' for each other. Because... because she hurt you." 

Squall gazed into Seifer's eyes with an intensity which frightened him... 

"And _that _I won't forgive." 

... An intensity which consumed. He didn't deserve that much feeling, that much fire. Unless it was from hate or disgust. And it as far from being either than he could have ever dreamed, even when he was stupid enough to dream. It was so plain, no amount of self-loathing could twist it to mean anything else: Squall cared. 

Seifer was silent. Tears rolled down his cheeks. Squall truly cared. He didn't deserve it, but Squall cared anyway. All the pain and torment Seifer had caused the beautiful young man and everyone he cared about, and Squall, impossibly, still cared. How? How could anyone care about a monster? How could the one person he loved, the only one he ever loved, _care _about someone as horrible as Seifer Almasy? 

The torture. Dark, cold room. Black. The biting smell of machine oil and the friction of metal scraping against metal. The chains. Thick and cold. The sharp stench of ozone and blistering flesh. Screams. So many screams. 

"I'm sorry," Seifer sobbed, tears pouring in a hot-then-chill tingle down his aching face. "I'm so sorry." 

Squall sighed. "I told you it wasn't your fault. Don't worry about it." 

"No, not that." Shaking his head, Seifer's bottom lip trembled, thick tears plunking into dark circles on the sheet covering him. "For everything else. For hurting you." 

"What are you talking about?" Squall's hands stilled. "You haven't hurt me." 

Seifer shook his head again, swallowing hard, the tightness in his troat becoming painful. "When...when I was the Sorceress' Knight. I did horrible things, terrible things, to you." 

"Whatever..." 

"I don't blame you for not forgiving me. I don't des..." 

"Hey, stop it! I'm not forgiving you..." Squall grasped his jaw, and looked straight into his eyes. "... _because _there's _nothing _to forgive. Nothing!" 

"But I... I'm so sorry." 

"Stop it! I said 'nothing!' " Squall snapped, his clamp on his jaw tensing. 

"But..." 

"'But' nothing. It wasn't _you_." 

Seifer was suddenly caught fiercely into Squall's arms. They tightened and he almost couldn't breathe, but he didn't care. Squall's breath beat hard and warm against his neck, stirring his hair so it tickled his prickling skin. Seifer drowned in the scent of worn leather and the musk of Autumn, wanting to stay there, held, safe, forever. Wanting so much to deserve it. 

The words and thoughts choked, bound by the strength of his emotions and all he ever wanted falling within his grasp. "I..." 

"It _wasn't _you, Seifer," Squall whispered against his ear and the blond shivered. "Edea told us how Ultimecia controlled you, controlled both of you." 

Closing his eyes, Seifer longed to believe. But his mind swirled with horrible memories: Squall writhing in agony as blue-white arcs of electricity crackled through his body; the blood, red, so red, dripping from Squall's wounds... 

Squall's fingers painfully tugged his hair and dug into his side in a desperate clinging to him, like Squall was saving him from a deadly fall. Strangely, the sharp bite of it paid enough of his guilt to accept the sweetness of Squall's fierce affection. 

"Do you think you would be here if I blamed you? If I was at all bothered by it?" Feather-light and gentle, Squall's voice and breath ghosted against his skin in warm shivers. "Do you think you would be _here_?" 

His lashes were heavy and nose itched. Seifer sniffed and clung desperately to Squall in return. Tears stung his eyes, and tickled, causing him to blink them away. 

Squall added in a slow, deep whisper, "With _me_?" 

"With you?" Seifer asked weakly. 

"My choice, and no other reason." Suddenly pulling away, Squall shrugged his jacket from his shoulders and to the floor in a lump of leather, and turned, falling back against the headboard and the soft mound of pillows. He clasped one arm across Seifer's shoulders and gently tugged the blond to him. "Now go back to sleep. You need your rest." 

Vision blurred, Seifer nodded and shifted in the bed to lie down, bundled under the blanket and beside Squall's slender body. He reminded himself to breathe as, shoulders hunched, he tucked his head onto Squall's chest, hand curled over a gather of Squall's t-shirt, and snuggled in the sweet warmth of Squall's arms. 

Uncertain, insecure, but happy. Hysterically happy. And not deserving one moment of it, but happy just the same. 

***** 

Squall gazed down at the golden head resting on his stomach. Threading his fingers through Seifer's soft hair, he studied Seifer's handsome face: his gorgeous eyes were closed, peaceful in sleep, lashes spiked and darkened gold with dried tears; His brow smooth, free of lines and tension, and his mouth -- Squall took a quick breath, swallowing hard-- Seifer's mouth was slightly parted, warm breath seeping through Squall's thin t-shirt and heating the underlying skin. At the sweet smile on Seifer's peach-pink lips, his own lips twitched into a faint grin. 

For the moment, Seifer seemed happy, content, and at peace from the nightmares and memories and self-loathing which were a constant torment. How he had managed any sort of effective comfort, Squall wasn't sure. But all that mattered was, somehow, he had, and Seifer felt safe. Safe enough to lay aside his demons, for a while, and to trust Squall would keep them away, at least while he slept. If only he could keep them away forever. All he could do, all he could promise, was he would do anything to help Seifer banish them himself. And do everything in his power so new ones would never find him. 

Seifer had suffered so much in such a short life. Too much. His own petty loneliness was nothing to Seifer's pain. Once they had been the same, lost boys with no home, no parents, no one to love them, hold them, need them, want them. Although they each found a measure of what they desperately craved, what every child needs to survive, in Matron, in Sis, its time had been too short and _also _ended in loss. A loss which drove Squall to lose more than an older 'sister', and drove Seifer to lose something of himself in a blind quest. 

Damn! Why did fate, or whatever chose to fuck one person over for another, seem to enjoy destroying a sweet little boy's dreams? All Seifer had wanted was a friend, someone who understood, who was alone too, and Squall had killed that quest time after time, so absorbed in his _own _misery, he couldn't see it mirrored in sad blue eyes. 

And as a young man, all Seifer had wanted was to be a knight. Was it for the glory? Or just as fitting to Seifer's personality, to protect, to care, to be _needed_? Yet, like everything else in Seifer's life, it had been twisted, used to torment and gouge even deeper wounds. 

And here he was, Squall Leonhart, who never had the courage to dream. Who drowned in a pain that could have been healed so easily, by one who needed healing too. Who only felt alive and human and free with Seifer. Stubborn, persistent, passionate Seifer. 

Squall blinked, his hand freezing in mid-stroke of Seifer's brow. 

And he realized, truly realized: he wasn't alone. He had never been alone. He had just been too blind in the cold of his self-pity to see. Although he sensed he had likely come to the conclusion before, it had finally become _real_. As real as the warm body snuggled against him. No longer a concept floating aimlessly inside his thick skull, but a solid, consuming reality. 

****** 

..... (more in Part 20 b)   


  



	21. Reversals Part 20b

_Author's notes:_ And here's the second half of part 20. At 7 pages it brings all of part 20 to 18 pages total. Ack. Now everyone knows part of why it took me so long grin>. And to give you an idea, if you already didn't know, how big a monster this fic became, total pages: Approx. 131 !!! (at 11 pt. font) Ouch! 

'_Sort of' warning_: I played around with double-meanings and twists of phrasing with this section. It's a little more abstract at times, and the innuendo is thick. And I'm not referring to sexually, although there's a teeny bit of that too. So some things mean several things at once. 

* * *

The Bloodcross Key Arc2: Reversals   
_by Lady Tempest_

* * *

**Part 20-b:**   
****

Squall tried to rouse himself from the dream, or even just shift it to something less... _pleasant_. But it only became more vivid: Seifer's skin so hot and smooth and sweat-damp and trembling under his fingers. Trembling for him. Trembling with want and need for Squall's touch, for his lips suckling wet and fiery at the gorgeous blond''s throat, his collarbone, his chest, nipples, stomach, hip... 

Oh!... Oh Fuck! 

Resting the back of his head against the headboard, Squall shut his eyes and tried to will away his arousal. The last thing Seifer needed was to wake with an erection inches from his face. 

Cid. Thoughts of Cid naked should deflate anyone's libido. Even one as rarely used or 'aroused' as Squall's. But the frightening images of the Headmaster, naked at his desk, sweaty skin burping against the leather of his chair, were overlaid by the far stronger and consuming images from his dream: Seifer's mouth on his flesh, wet and hot, licking up his thigh, breath searing a trail towards... 

Damn! 

He tried again. Rinoa. She had been a effective dunk into a Shiva-cold lake in the past. Especially when he intended to be intimate with her. He bit his lip and let his mind drift back to several days before, when she had interrupted another dream: her fingers crawling up his thigh, towards his erection, giggling and whispering with a grating attempt at seductive... Yes. His blood calmed slightly. It was working... 

When she asked who he dreamt about, presuming it was her, as if the world revolved around her. But it had been Seifer and all he wanted was for her to go away so he could return to that wonderful dream where Seifer had shoved him against a wall, pressing himself against him, wet with rain and panting, and smothering him with kisses... 

Squall gasped, licking his lips, then sucked on his lower one to stifle a moan. Shit! Back to square one. At the twitch in his pants, he amended the thought: Damn! Back to square _negative _one. 

Before he could return to his attempt at a mental cold shower, he yelped at the sudden touch on his crotch. His eyes shot open and he glanced down. Gorgeous, sleepy aqua eyes stared back at him. 

Seifer nuzzled against his stomach, the upward creep of his t-shirt exposing bare skin. As distracting as the heat and moistness of Seifer's breath and the satiny brush of his cheek on Squall's flesh, the tentative hand fondling his groin drew his full attention and every ounce of willpower he possessed. 

"Don't," Squall snapped, quickly grabbing Seifer's wrist and removing his hand. 

"But I..." 

"No!" 

Seifer's brow tightened, narrowing his scar to a thin, wiggling line. His eyes quivered, luminous and turbulent, like a sea in a tropical storm. 

"Don't you...?" Seifer bit his lip. "I... I must.. I..." 

Squall sighed, his tone gentling. "You don't owe me anything, Seifer." 

"I do. I hurt you. I..." 

"I thought we dealt with that earlier? You. _Don't_. Owe. Me." 

With a bewildered blink, Seifer just stared. Silent. 

"I'm not going to use you, Seifer." His thumb slowly stroked, soothing, along the pulse of Seifer's pink-scarred wrist still grasped, less tensely, in his hand. 

"So you don't..." Seifer ducked his head, burying his face in Squall's side, his hand clenching white in a trembling fist. "You don't..." his voice was muffled and choked. "... want me?" 

Dammit! He did. He did, like he never wanted anyone or anything before. Except he couldn't. How could he let Seifer know he wasn't rejecting him, but refused to take advantage of him. He could never use him. Seifer meant too much to him to treat like a _thing_. He wasn't going to let anyone treat Seifer like a thing again. Never. Even if that 'anyone' was himself. 

A dampness spreading across his side and chilled by jerky, choked breaths against his skin woke Squall from his thoughts. Seifer's arm hung loose in his hold, and quaked like the hunched shoulders pressed against him. Seifer was crying. 

Fuck! 

"Seifer, shhh..." Squall nervously patted Seifer's back. "Shhh... I... I do." 

The sobs shook his side, almost tickled with the wisps of Seifer's golden hair against patches of Squall's bare skin, or the peal-rub of his tear-spotted shirt. Squall's hand curled at the nape of Seifer's neck, the soft strands of gold falling through his fingers. He nearly broke-down himself, feeling totally helpless in the face of the muffled, choked weeping and whimpers from a once strong and proud young man. 

"Seifer, I _do_...uh..." Squall drew his arm and Seifer's to his chest. His fingers stretched, lingering on skin to skin, along the still-sensitive pink flesh of the blond's wrist to lace between Seifer's. He held their hands, clasped, almost over his heart. 

"... want you..." Dammit! He was no good at this sort of thing. What the hell was he supposed to do? "I do. But I _won't _use you. I won't let _anyone _use you ever again! Do you know what I'm trying to say?" 

The shakes at his side lessened. With a sudden twitched shiver, Seifer lifted his head, red-rimmed eyes peeking up at Squall over the plain of a damp, white t-shirt. 

"I'm..." Seifer rasped with a coughed stutter. "I'm... not sure." 

Squall took a deep breath. "You're not yourself, Seifer. And until you _are _again, I can't trust you..." 

"What? You can't... but..." Seifer spluttered, shocked and a little hurt -- even though it was true. 

"I trust you, in everything, _except _concerning _you_." 

"But I don't matter. I'm ..." Seifer's tear spiked lashes dropped, and he examined, with sudden interest, the weave of Squall's shirt. 

Shifting to his side, so both their heads rested on the pillow, face to face, Squall looked Seifer in the eye. 

"See," he said as he squeezed Seifer's hand, needing the solidity and reassurance of the gesture for himself as much as Seifer did. "That's why. You do matter." 

Squall combed his fingers through Seifer's hair, staring into his watery aqua-red eyes, yearning to communicate all that he meant and felt with more than words: with a look. 

"You matter..." 

Seifer gasped a quick breath, nuzzling into Squall's caress as if by instinct of need, not conscious awareness. 

"You..." 

A tear glistened a trail along Seifer's nose to across his lips. Without thinking, Squall wiped it away with a soft brush of his thumb. Yet, he lingered, mesmerized, on Seifer's lips: peach-pink, soft as velvet, pliant, warm, gusts of Seifer's breath bathing Squall's roaming thumb in stuttered, moist heat. Squall's mouth went dry and he licked his own lips. 

".... you matter to..." 

Their breath mingled, becoming one warmth in the bare inches between them. Another tear rolled down Seifer's face, following the same path. His mouth still dry, Squall lowered his head the tiny distance and captured the shimmering tear between his lips. 

His tongue flicked out and tasted the sweet salt, suckling it first from its traces around his mouth and then slowly, tenderly, from Seifer's cheek, traveling with fleshy, wet nips until Seifer's breath was his breath. He drew Seifer's upper lip between his own, still suckling, drinking Seifer's tears. And then, in the same drinking-devouring caress, Squall was kissing him. 

Kissing Seifer. Mouth to mouth. Consuming. Wet. Warm. Sweet. The heat of lips to lips, breath to breath. Soft. Electric. More. Wonderful. A dream. 

Every fragment of his being quivered and tingled with fire and electricity and the deafening thump thump of his heart. And the thump thump pulse of stiffening, hot flesh chained under a steel zipper and tight leather. The intensity of it all almost brought a whimper to his blissfully kiss-swollen lips. He could barely breathe, barely think, barely move except to wrap Seifer more tightly in his arms. Never letting go. Wanting to...to... 

Oh Fuck! 

"... me," Squall breathed into Seifer's kiss-flushed lips. 

The last thing in the world he had wanted at that moment was to pull away. But he needed to pull away. And seeing the flow of tears down Seifer's face and the growing light in Seifer's beautiful eyes, realizing he hadn't hurt Seifer, -- only, by some mystifying turn, made him happy,-- Squall knew with a certainty it had been the right thing. Seifer had needed to hear the words and Squall, more than any time in his life, had needed to speak them. 

Because, how could any relationship with Rinoa ever measure to what he had innately with Seifer? They had been doomed from the start. Rinoa could never have been what he needed, because he already had it, and more. He had just been too much of a blind idiot to see it. Until now. It wasn't friendship or comradeship, it was more. All that and much more. It was in his blood, his bones, in his very identity, who he was. And Rinoa had seen it so clearly while he couldn't. He _was _a moron. 

The dreams, the urges, the weird feelings in his gut, and the tingling under his skin whenever he was close enough to Seifer to touch and feel his warmth. Sometimes just by looking at him. He wanted Seifer. _Wanted_. Wanted him in every sense of the word: his humor, his strength, his passion, his fire, his confidence, his vulnerability, his pride, his fear, and his lack of it, his dreams, his beauty, the silk of his hair, the light in his gorgeous eyes, his smug smirk, his melting smile, his lips, his kisses, his taste, his smell, his skin, his touch, his warmth, his heart, his ... 

... Him. All of him. 

Because, as further mystifying and incomprehensible as the fact may be, an aberration to the very structure of the universe, a cosmic joke... She was right. 

"Seifer, I...uh... " 

Little Miss Clueless Princess had been fucking right. He wanted Seifer. He...   
  
Love. 

Always him. 

Always. 

******* 

"... You... you... rest," Squall mumbled, caressing his thumb along the scar on Seifer's brow. 

Seifer gasped. Any and every thought was brushed away with each gentle touch. And that kiss. That amazing kiss. Seifer tried to swallow, but his stuttered breath choked. He tried to think, but his confusion and shock strangled his mind. He tried to not want, not fall into the sensation, but his hope wrapped around him and drowned him in it. 

It was only his love that broke through, determined that Squall be happy, have the best, and knowing he wasn't it. No matter how much Squall's face, his eyes, his hands, his... oh, god, -- he took a deep breath-- lips, appeared to care. No matter how much Squall appeared to be happier than Seifer had ever seen him, it couldn't be. 

He opened his mouth to let Squall go; To resist what he wanted most. For Squall's sake. But Squall, like he somehow knew, broke off the protest before it started. Taking advantage of his parted lips, Squall brushed his against them. Warm and wet, their mouths caressed in another kiss. A kiss more slow and lingering. Savoring. Searching. Wet and warm, and so sweet. Drawing Seifer in, desperate, craving, drowning. His mind blanked. Their lips moved together, like one hungry entity. All that existed was them, their mouths, lips, full, moist, and yearning, suckling. Their hot breaths panting down each other's throat, like one breathed for the other. As one. 

Squall released Seifer's hand from his and wrapped his arms around the blond's larger frame, holding him close, so close, never breaking the kiss. Only deepening it with slow breathless kisses, lips kneading, coaxing Seifer's between them. Slow. Easy. Tingling every nerve in his body. Like silk on skin. Shivering. Whispering of breath to breath. Sweet. Sensual. 

He didn't know when it started, his mind too overloaded in bliss to notice, but he was sobbing. Tears poured down his face, the gusts of their shared breath chilling his damp cheeks and sending a shudder along the length of his body. Weakling that he was, he had cried earlier, perhaps mere minutes, although it seemed like hours since their kiss had started. But he felt it was different: part joy, part overwhelming, part disbelief, part grief over all he had foolishly lost to his own stupidity, but mostly blissful wonder that, even so, Squall wanted him. 

Squall must have sensed the change. Trailing quick fleshy pecks along Seifer's lips to his chin, he leisurely pulled away and gazed into Seifer's eyes, his storm-dark and fiery. Brushing away Seifer's tears gently with the backs of his fingers, Squall studied his face. 

"Okay?" Squall asked, his voice a breath. 

Seifer nodded, cheeks flushed searing pink, and attempted a small smile. 

Smiling in return, almost shyly, Squall nestled Seifer closer to him. He placed a kiss in Seifer's hair as he tucked the blond head under his chin. 

Silent, they lay quietly in each others arms, Squall stroking his hair. He may be pathetic, may be undeserving, may have been violated, abused, tortured in horrible ways that only his nightmares and memories could imagine, but the pieces of his shattered soul drew together with each of Squall's touches. Priceless touches as much for his lack in deserving them as the rarity of their giving. 

The passion he had thought he had lost, Squall had returned to him in sweet and sloppy wet kisses, full of a fire Seifer had only seen in the younger boy a few times while sparring. Aside from the passion, and the pure sensuality, the last kiss had carried more than their first, as melting as it had been. Squall was giving himself, in a way and with a fondness Seifer had only dreamed of. Squall _did _want him. And not like the others. But like _he_ wanted Squall. Maybe not with the same love, or love at all, but Squall did care. That much was clear to even him. 

He had tried not to want. Tried not to dream. Tried to protect everyone from himself. Even tried to return what his worthless dreams had stolen. But he couldn't escape. His dreams and desires were too much a part of him. And Squall seemed determined to keep them and him alive. A Squall determined was a force few could outlast. Anyone who knew him would never accuse Squall of _not _being stubborn, because if anyone was more stubborn than Seifer Almasy, it was Squall Leonhart. 

He loved Squall. Loved him more than life. And he loved Squall enough to try to bear the horrors of the pathetic life wayward dreams had created. A life made worth wanting to keep with Squall to help him piece together the shattered remains of everything he was and possessed. Squall was everything to him. Always was and always would be. The only one who ever understood him. Truly understood him. Without him, he was nothing. Nothing, but a weak, blubbering monster. 

Yet, Squall did care. For him. In spite of it all. He should have known: Squall did everything 'in spite' of what was expected. Why not care for a has-been Sorceress' Knight with more crimes to his name than hairs on his pathetic head? 

Snuggled securely in Squal's arms, Seifer licked his lip, trying to taste any remnant of the smaller boy. He sighed at the memory still tingling his skin of Squall's kiss. Maybe, someday, as undeserving as Seifer Almasy was, he could become someone Squall could love in return. Even just a little. Just enough that for once in his life Seifer would know how it felt to be loved. To be loved and wanted for no reason. Just for him. Because he mattered. To someone. Even if only for a moment. To know, once, just once, Squall loved him too. 

Fresh tears streaked down his face. "Love me," Seifer wept, his voice a bare whisper, shaking, as he buried his tear-stained cheek against Squall's shoulder. 

Squall's arms tightened possessively around him, his face nestling in the crook of Seifer's neck, like he was trying to crawl into Seifer's skin. He didn't say anything, but Seifer didn't need him to. The fierce, wet kisses being tattooed along Seifer's throat and collarbone, along with Squall's muffled sobs, were all the words he needed.   


********** 

(**End **Bloodcross Key: Arc 2: Reversals) 

********* 

(To be Continued in The Bloodcross Key Arc 3 (tentatively titled 'Knight's Return'))   


Author's additional notes: Hope you all liked the monster epic that Reversals became. Oddly, many of the main scenes and plot points had been planned, just went more elaborate than intended or the 'bridging' scenes to get there expanded a 'tad'. 

This chapter is definitely a case in point. I had thought of including a detail of Squall's dream, and although within a dream was the only way I saw there being a consenting sex scene in Arc 2, I felt subtlety might be better and the scene would be too long, making the chapter even longer. And I hope the kiss was 'hot' or at least sweet enough to satisfy. 

I struggle quite a bit to get this chapter (all of 20) to feel right. Sometimes Seifer was 'off'', others it was Squall (usually). I had alot of character development to juggle to get it 'right'. I hope I did. The last spoken line was almost the hardest, because it was something else, which by the time the rest of the story caught up with it, no longer felt like it fit. But there needed to be some sort of progress and closure. I just went with Seifer's emotional state leading up to the line and that's what he seemed to be saying. Desperately. So if it seems sappy, sorry. But I felt it fit. shrug> 

As always, I'm open to any constructve input. And while brief comments like a character seems OOC, or it's too sappy do give me pause to reevaluate, more detailed comments explaining **why **are even more valuable to me. Thanks for reading.   
  
  



	22. Author's Thanks and Comments

**Warning: **the following may contain spoilers to the story.... 

**The Bloodcross Key: Author Commentary and Responses:**   
  
First of all I would like to deeply thank everyone who has been kind enough to review and comment on my story. It really means alot to me to know that it has touched so many people and so strongly. While I do write because I must let the stories collecting in my head become something tangible, I would be lying if I didn't admit that reader appreciation makes it all much more fulfilling. Thank you! Thank you very very much! 

I've noticed several questions and comments in the reviews I would like to respond to and, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to make some comments of my own regarding the story as a whole and little bits I'd like to explain or just draw attention to. 

I'll start with future plans for Arc 3. I'm glad so many are excited for more story, and there will be. But... it probably won't be any time real soon. I need a breather from this series and desperately need to play with a very Seifery Seifer. Usually I find Seifer writes himself and I have a blast going with the flow, but The Bloodcross Key Seifer is nothing like that and can be draining at times. 

Not that I don't put alot of thought into my stories (whether it shows or not, only I'll let you all be the judge shrug>), but Bloodcross requires alot more, constantly evaluating and factoring in every little nuance of every event and word and other character's reactions is much more difficult when the characters have grown drastically from their beginnings, yet always having to keep in mind what their underlying personalities are. Maybe it's waaaaaaaaaay overboard and taking it all too seriously, but I see every story I write as a learning experience, particularly for my original stories, which matter most to me. 

That said, and maybe it'll be a tease to tell, but here are some of what I'm planning for **Arc 3**. Don't worry, there's no spoilers. Of course, I'll be continuing the romance between Squall and Seifer, and Seifer's ongoing recovery. It'll be more of a 'action' story. Loose ends from previous arcs will be explored and _maybe_ smirk> tied off. Fujin and Raijin will return and where they've been and _exactly_ what they've been doing will be revealed. Not that I was keeping it any big secret, but it wasn't the focus of Reversals, so I left it vague, until it was important. Seifer will have even more to deal with when confronted with some startling revelations. But as much as I like angst, Reversals was the main angst portion of the series. Figure it's about time for the balance to tip towards more happiness, just don't expect it to be too easy. If anyone's hoping for Seifer to start acting a little more like himself, then be assured, it will be in Arc 3. I don't think ***I*** could take much more of the series if it wasn't the case grin>. The fallout of Rinoa and Squall's break-up will be explored, and with a more favorable view of Rinoa. Just a little. I may not like her, but.... well I'll talk about that later. And anyone thirsting for revenge against those who hurt Seifer, it's in there! It'll also make the story more complicated than previous Arcs, because the plot is external instead of mostly internal. I have to make even more sure everything fits right. Well, hopefully that will be enough to satisfy most of your curiosity. 

On to answering other questions... My views on pairings are quite different than most yaoi writer's, and probably has more in common with Slash. I ignore the concept of uke-seme, and not just because I have yet to write a sex scene. If I didn consider the idea of set sexual roles, it would be a part of the couple's everyday dynamic and not just in bed, so it's still pertitent to how I write the characters that I don't go with the concept. Granted, since I'm not gay or male, I will never completely understand what it means to be either, and my writing and characterization will always have a female bent, but I do try to make the characters seem real, as real as **I** _can_ make them. Plus relationships, regardless of configuration rarely abide by any set rules. I take that into account. Add that no matter what story I write, I try to write the characters as if they were alive and let them _live_ their story, sex and gender roles no longer are 'simple'. So, basically this is my long-winded way of saying, with The Bloodcross Key and all of my stories the pairing is designated using Slash notation instead of yaoi's -- this a **Seifer/Squall** fic, **not** a SeiferxSquall or SquallxSeifer, because it's about them as equals (and I only put Seifer first because it sounds better that way grin>). It's about them showing each other how much they love the other how ever the moment suits them. Seifer may be the weaker, submissive one now, but it won't always be like that, particularly since there's obvious reason for it, but as Seifer comes back to himself it will _have_ to change. I don't see Seifer or Squall as having submissive natures. At least not with each other. It's probably why I like the pairing so much... all that tension and conflict... the image of both of them wrestling to control, like a sexual 'king of the mountain' evil smirk> is **much** more interesting to me than following the yaoi 'rules'. Hope this cleared some things up too. 

There have been a few comments about OOC-ness. I don't know if they were meant in general or just for specific chapters, but either way, I'm not offended, and have taken a second look to see if I may have fallen short of keeping them in character. If someone can give me exact instances where they felt something was OOC or even scenes, that would help, however at this point I don't really see where. I've put alot of thought and work into keeping at least Seifer and Squall in character and maybe it's because _I_ know what aspect of their original + transformed personalities I'm having them express, it makes it more difficult for me to see where I may have missed. And if the reader doesn't feel the same, I may have missed in at least properly expressing the characters so it feels right. Of course it might just come down to different perspectives of the core personalities which could become further distanced as they are changed by all the events of the story. 

**Squall**: He's anti-social, often rude (when he does speak), intelligent, has a warped and sarcastic sense of humor, definite introvert, emotionally repressed... which probably leads to sexually repressed ( I doubt he's sexually aware... any sexual impulses would be reactionary, even if merely a reaction to unconscious urges, for instance, from a dream.), he's apathetic, self-reliant, duty-driven, unambitious......... _but _he does have feelings and vulnerabilities, they've just been locked away for the most part for most of his life. 

The basis for his slow creep towards his emotions in my story comes from the instances in the **_game _**where he was emotional. I always found it interesting and significant that Seifer was the only one from the very _start_ of the game who could bring him to strong emotional responses, whether positive or negative. That's the unique and special dynamic of their relationship, whether as rivals, friends, or possibly more. I very deliberately made sure that when Squall was interacting with anyone other than Seifer, he was more the Squall that's expected, at least until things started really falling apart after Seifer's suicide attempt. It's **_not_** because they're the intended pair of the story so I'm contriving a more pleasant and 'romantic' interaction between them. It **_is_** because that is how it was in the game, just a little more low-key and I think that is because, unfortunately, the game was more concerned with it's own 'contrivance' of forcing Rinoa and Squall into some supposed love story than explore the far more interesting relationship between Seifer and Squall (and I'm not meaning romantic, but as friends and rivals). Seifer's_ little toe_ is much more interesting than Rinoa, he was overflowing with so much potential for a great, angsty story, and I wish the creators had realized it. I felt completely cheated by the ending, by all the characters and subplots who were robbed of a proper resolution for the sake of an unconvincing 'love' story. It would have been better if they just left the romance out of the game entirely! I like FF8 **not** for what it was, but what it _could_ have been...and that is what the fanfiction is for. 

** Seifer: **I see in most ways as being Squall's opposite. Extroverted, brash, proud, confident, passionate, ambitious, fiery, strong, fearless, brave... to a fault, most likely, quick to anger and frustration, impatient, he has dreams and he goes after them head-on, like he does everything..... but in some ways they are alike... both are insecure and vulnerable inside -- Seifer hides it under bravado, Squall under apathy. Both are brave, but Squall likely out of not caring enough about his life, and Seifer maybe for caring too much- he wants to be respected. He respects Squall (and that is soooo canon it's even in the manual...) and I think likes him (would you want tell the person you hate most your 'Romantic Dream'? Unless it was to kill them slowly and painfully? And that's just taking it platonically!.... guess there goes the 'they hate each other' theory smirk>)... and Squall repects and likes him (he even _says_ he likes Seifer, when everyone is talking about him being dead. I refer to that scene at least once in The Bloodcross Key.) I could go on about how the rivalry between Seifer and Squall isn't one of hatred or even dislike... but that's not why I'm writing this. It's just a pet-peeve of mine so when I get started it's difficult to stop grin>. And as far as how Seifer changes within the story, I think that's more clear than Squall's changes, and probably more understandable as being in-character. So I won't go further, except to say this: With as important as Seifer holds his dreams and ambitions, as much as he is fiery and independent, and proud, to have his dream twisted into something to control him and cause him to destroy and hurt those he cares about, even just a little, would be devestating to him. He failed all the SeeD exams because _he_ has to be in control and do what he thinks is right or do what makes him feel useful. To lose not just that, his control, his will, but the respect of others, would send him over the edge, blaming his weakness. 

** Rinoa: **Sorry, but to me she's a weak character, by design and personality. The only thing she has going for her is she's pretty (although Quistis is far prettier) and she's _somewhat_ sweet (Laguna's got her beat sweetness-wise.... and well, pretty-wise too smirk>) and naive. She's been pampered most of her life, acts like a spoiled teenager (yes, I know, she is a teenager.. but so are most of the characters) whose greatest trauma is her Daddy is protective of her and doesn't want her running off to foolishly join a revolution. A revolution, I must add and quote "She plans a revolution like a surprise party!" (_AquaianGoddess) _What a bastard of a father!!!! The meanie!! She's immature, self-absorbed (only cares about her feelings for Squall, not his for her), however, she does seem to be sensitive to how other people might be feeling (like when Squall's 'mean' to Zell), as long as it doesn't directly affect how _she_ feels. She sees herself as morally surperior, as in when she scolds Squall for how he speaks to his own squad, usually Zell. He may be brusque in his dealings with others, yet Zell does need some discipline and even so, no one asked Rinoa for her opinion, she just gives it and with attitude. She's controlling (see previous statement) if things aren't going her way, Squall's a 'meanie' and if he was nice he would do what she wants. She's pushy, _from scene one_. And kinda creepy. Definite stalker potential. Hell, if she doesn't take 'no' (silent though they may have been, but I think Squall made his intent clear) for answer when she's trying to start a relationship, how little will she accept it when she's being dumped? It drove me crazy through the whole game how she was always trying to get Squall's attention and for him to like her, even when he clearly didn't. I didn't like her, he didn't like her, why wouldn't she just **go** away?! And it's not like with Seifer where Squall actually gives him some encouragement by responding with more than apathy or distaste, gasp> sometimes he's even friendly. gasp> If not for my stubborness and Seifer, I probably wouldn't have finished the game, as she was just getting worse and worse, and Squall 'responding' to it was just plain frustrating and disappointing. I figured he was better than that. He actually was a much more interesting character when he was closed than all of a sudden lovey-dovey about Rinoa. It **_is_** very possible she 'enchanted' him, because he _does_ only start responding to her with any real positiveness after she becomes a sorceress.... hmmmmm. 

Anyway, my approach in Bloodcross was to try to portray her as much like in the game as possible. Granted it's colored by how I see her but I tried, against my discomfort, to temper it. However, if one notices, the negatives in reference to her are usually from Squall's perceptions. And as the story goes on, they become more and more negative and expressing his frustration. 

Some may feel I'm in some way discounting their relationship which is established in the game, except I'm not. I went about their relationship very much like I did his and Seifer's, by taking the characters as I saw them and letting them interact and feel within that characterization. I was never convinced Squall would or could truly love Rinoa, in a forever sort of way. Maybe at first for the novelty of being wanted and needed and not having been 'in love' before, but that's still stretching it since I don't see him falling in love with her at all. And technically, it's barely canon. We assume he's in love but he could easily mean and feel something less, maybe even just a chivalric need to protect someone weak, or as a brother or both. 

But it comes down to I feel the game took Squall OOC of what it had established to get them together, so I'm trying to bring him back as close as I can get it and the end result is they shouldn't be together. True, making him gay can be considered OOC, although most of my male friends will concede that he probably is, as often as he gives females the brush off, especially when they're coming on to him (Quistis **and** Rinoa), but as I said, I use what the game provides to play with them as closely to IC as I possibly can. 

One more note about Rinoa. If you look carefully at her actions, mannerisms, and words, she's actually portrayed much nicer and positively than Squall's POV makes it appear. For instance, the infamous almost-rape scene... there's two completely different and opposing points of view in that scene, it's only Seifer's that is expressed with the intimacy of mind. 

If you see it, through her actions, etc, from her POV, she genuinely believes Seifer is interested and willing. **But**, as I see her being self-absorbed in regards to what she wants, she doesn't see Seifer's words and behavior as anything except what she wants to see it as. Beside, Squall was going off the deep-end after he saw what she was doing, and overreacted by saying she raped him, or almost did. **I** don't even know if it would have gone that far. I didn't write the scene any further so I'm not sure how it would have played out between the characters. She probably would have stopped once the 'evidence' of his 'lack of interest' was too obvious to ignore. However, it didn't require being raped by her for the damage to be done. Any damage she could do she already had. 

My main 'theme', I suppose, in Reversals, in regards to both characterization and the name, was a 'role-reversal' between Seifer and Squall. The intent was that Squall took up (subconsciously) Seifer's role in their 'relationship', to maintain it's dynamic,-- which he slowly realized was as necessary a thing as breathing,-- because Seifer, through all he had suffered, had become more like Squall -- distant, apathetic, closed. Someone had to be the catalyst, the fire, and as Squall-like as I could write him, Squall became that, became 'Seifer'. While Seifer I tried to show as being a Seifer version of Squall. Very complicated to work with at times because of the multiple layers of characterization I needed to consider. But very satisfying, now that it's all done. I hope I did succeed and my intent came through even if only subtly, but that it felt 'right' and 'true' and gave the story an extra something which was unexpected and unique. 

Well, enough of that. In case anyone was wondering why there's no Irvine or Selphie in the story, it simply because I'm not as familiar with the characters (and don't like Selphie all that much.) and I didn't need them. They would have just been there to be there and I didn't want that. I tried to make every character I included serve a purpose. It's the way I write all my stories and why many only have a few characters. Sometimes less **_is_** more. Don't expect to see them in Arc 3 either. 

That's all the things I can think of at the moment that might be of interest or I needed to share. If anyone has anyone questions or would like to discuss some aspect of my story/stories or what I've said here, feel free to e-mail me at : **neemeister@home.com ....**As you can see, I enjoy talking about elements of writing and analysis of the stories themselves. Maybe too much. weak grin> I like putting little 'puzzles' and hints of foreshadowing in my stories and readers discovering them.is almost more satisfying and encouraging that readers enjoying the story itself. 

Anyway, just because I'm not working Arc 3 right away doesn't mean I won't be writing at all. I have at least 4 more FF8 stories I plan on working on: 

More **Homecoming**-- While Seifer is great to write in that one, it's not him that has me stuck, but where exactly to take the plot. I wanted to keep it relatively short (for me), but if no one minds **another **'epic' length story, maybe the problem will be solved. Might even become an 'Arc'ed story too. sigh> Btw, for anyone who may have wondered, it's a Seifer/Squall. As far as FF8, that's almost all I write. 

Have a Seifer/Squall, Seifer/Laguna fic planned. Not only do I like the idea of a love triangle, but as much as I enjoy the opposites/rivalry dynamic of Seifer/Squall, the potential between Seifer and Squall's Dad has intrigued me, and is my second favorite FF8 pairing. Not only is there the obvious draw of a 'kinder, gentler' 'substitute' Squall in Laguna, but the appeal of Laguna as himself: a very sweet, brave, passionate man. His very nature would set off the need in Seifer to protect even though he is more than capable of fending for himself. (Kinda an 'anti-Rinoa smirk>). If the little dialogue bit I have so far is an indicator, I expect to have great fun writing this one. 

A Sequel to '**True Love's Kiss'** -- (Also a Seifer/Squall)... this time a parody of yaoi and some of it's excesses. My humor fics I usually finish in one or two days, so once the inspiration hits, expect that one real quick. 

And finally, I'll be working on the next part of a fic I've been writing with another writer, called '**Breaking Dreams' **(Seifer/Squall (my half of the fic) and Zell/Irvine (my co-author's))...for over a year.I'm sooo bad, bad, bad. I had stopped working on my part because of many reasons, but since I know she still wants to keep it going, I'm kicking my own ass to get my part done. Then the pressure will be back on her! smirk> 

Oh! And for those of you who are following my original stories, I will be working on more of them too. Have new one I'm excited about, **Price of Truth**, angsty of course. grin> I hope to post the first chapter here (under Original-Fantasy, where I'm posting my original stories, although **Stone Angel** is still under Anime-Original. Not all my stories will be on FF.net... have to leave _something_ new to see on my site. grin>) I'll probably have a new chapter for '**Song of Tears...' **and maybe the next **Forever Love **(found on my site) before Stone Angel, only because I had been working on both of those off and on and not much of Stone Angel. But then I've been wrong often enough, when inspiration would hit and I'd just have to go with it, turning all my plans completely around. Sequels to **Gilded Cage** and **The Taurus Key** (also on my site) will probably be much further off since both involve more intricate plots than before. 

Well, that's it for now.... Thanks again for the wonderful reviews. And for the constructive comments. Being told I've done a good job feels great, but finding out where it could be better is welcome too. 

And thanks for bearing with me through all this. Sorry for the ramble but it feels good to get to express some of what I put into the story and why. 

~Lady Tempest   



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